En garde! Friend!

Sometimes rekindling a friendship takes a small "Hi". So simple yet it puts a happy curve to your day!

Today, it was indeed a wonderful surprise when someone I knew few years back pinged me on messenger to say 'Hi'. The chat went on for a few minutes and was only a polite catch-up on how things were in each other's life. Nothing more. But somehow at the end felt very happy that even after I closed the chat-window I had a smile on my face.

கேட்டு ரசித்த பாடல் ஒன்றை மீண்டும் இன்று ஞாபகம் தூண்ட ....

But....// ah but there has to be a but....so here goes.

....sometimes when you talk to/meet friends with whom you haven't had any contact for/in many months you feel like you really don't know the person. Since you shared a common past, they don't seem like they are complete strangers, but somehow they don't seem that close too. There is always a hesitation on what to say 'cause you doubt how it may get perceived. You realize that you didn't have the veil or thin boundary when you knew each other well. Now u are treading on softly. You rationalize that you both had most definitely grown apart and at least in most case have grown up and have seen life a bit. So you really don't know who they are except for your reminiscent and illusionary memories of the days together. Although you may feel the same warmth or anger or whatever you held for them before, you are not sure anymore, because you are not sure of whom you are holding it on for anymore.You doubt yourself and them. Ultimately you end up with, 'Do we really feel the same way about each other as before or are we holding on to the idea of who the friend really was?'.

You may seem a bit confused, well maybe, but I got you pegged as someone who has gone thru (or just has) more or less the same question, if you have read this so far.

Here's to old friends.

*clink*

You wanna toast too?


எண்ணமே சுமைகளாய் இதயமே பாரமாய்
எண்ணமே சுமைகளாய் இதயமே பாரமாய்
அந்த நாள் ஞாபகம் நெஞ்சிலே வந்ததே

சொல்லின் மௌனம்

சேர்ந்த காதல்
மணமாகி முடிகிறது.
சேராக் காதல்
கடவுச்சொல் ஆகிறது.
ஒருதலைக்காதல்
பிள்ளையின் பெயராக வாழ்கிறது.

In the background: This.

And one of my favorite Tamizh blogger - Sirumazhai - very beautifully says about this "Lump in throat" as

Bumping into your Long Lost Love could be the most painful thing ever and this BGM always pushes that exact pain down through your throat. As you watch this scene, Surya appears, walks in, Subbulakshmi turns at him, she walks down and he climbs up the stairs – and all this while Raja should have been counting the bars, 1,2,3,4.. and picks up naan unai neenga maattEn neenginaal thoonga maattEn sErndhadhE nam jeevanE puts it on a violin and that fits like a glove. Every musician should be a mathematician, I guess. And Raja is a great one at that. (Side note – Subbulakshmi casually and unknowingly underscores the blood relationship between Surya and Collector when she says, ‘eppadinnu therila, aana guNaththula niRaiya ungaLa mAdhiriyE irukkar’. And from there to, ‘Paththu thala raavaNan’. Sigh)

Performance anxiety.

Whenever I try to pose the imaginary pen on a this digital notepad, there is a huge ...uhh....mmm.... ahhh....

Oh my GOD..... I have been trying to finish that damn line for like 15 minutes now. I have re-checked my facebook page and refreshed the twitter pages of the people I'm following... and still nothing.

I always login to write about an interesting thought, but when I actually write it, it seems so contrived that the original is lost or very much maligned. It's like preparing so excellently in front of the mirror for the oratory and then going and just freeze on the stage.

This dearth for words... or is it dearth of words...... my goodness..... And if I had not back-spaced the words I had written until this word ...... word vomit..... broken lines.... unconnected thoughts....Oh...Arghhh!

Sigh!

I'm forgetting my english. please to help anybody??

Whatever...

Can't.... write.... anymore......(read HULK like)