Wednesday, May 17, 2006
varama saabama?
This is my my colleague's post in the companys' forum. With due credits...
And this is my response...
And this is my response...
Saturday, May 13, 2006
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
The pain of letting go..,
The time she waited to see him was painful, but not as painful as the few moments preceding the actual moment. It seemed like a million years. It was literally a free ticket journey to hell and to a worse hell. At the same time the anticipation and the enthusiasm of seeing him for the first time were killing her. She had left beyond her family, friends and the rest for him. But the moment she saw him she felt it was definitely worth the wait.
He was the world to her! She despised all her other pleasures just to be around him, to see him smile in his sleep, to hold that soft and warm hands in hers, to lose track of time listening to him mumble sweet nothings in her ears, to feel the wetness of his lips against her cheek when she held him in a tight hug. She was filled with pristine love! She felt complete.
The time she spent with him was the best part of her life. What she shared with him was one of the most beautiful and intimate relationship in the whole world. He would walk around her in that special style that she adored; would come crawling back to her even when she kept pushing him away in that funny and teasing way. And she would be there for his every smile and whimper. They communicated in that special language, only they both understood.
As like every woman, she too had so many dreams and many silly and baseless worries that some thing will happen to hamper their lived-happily dream life. Well, she was not entirely wrong nor paranoic.And she was the reason for letting him go! It was that crazy period in her life, when she seemed to have everything; at the same felt like she had lost everything. So she knew from the start, this happiness was not to last. Earlier, her parents chided her for ever wanting to have him, because they were worried about what the world will speak of them and the way their daughter turned out to be .Her friends advised her that it was a lost cause, wishing to have him for the rest of her life after all that she had been through.
She did not like that. She did not need that. Again! She did not want to lose him too, as she had - to lose a man she thought she was blessed to live with. Life was bliss until the moment she came to know of the cheating and betrayal and the injustice of it. As such she was totally helpless and was not in a position to question the man in any way that was legal. She was partly annoyed at her own self, having to have ever trusted some one like that man. She chose to part. That scarred her being and she thought that was all she would ever be able to take. But one thing she was ever grateful to that man, inspite of all the hatred pounding in every vein of hers was that he was the reason she ever got the most precious gift. She took it to be the string that a destitute woman like her can hold on to. On the verge of being wrenched up from that one life supporting string, she was torn.
Finally she decided to let him go. She thought to herself, however tough this may seem she was doing this for the sake of him. If he would be happy with someone else, then so be it. If some body can give him the only one thing the she can’t then it was all that was to it. Yea! There was this one thing which she can never give him. She had lost faith in men, well of course, except him. She was sure; as they grew old some embarrassing situations would arise, where she would be the victimized and put to accusation. She feared that this may, may give him a tiny reason to hate her, for putting upon him such a burden and embarrassment. She thought separation at the start would spare her from as much pain as it would be after so many years. Luckily there came along a wonderful woman who promised her that she would be with him all time long and take good care him and would make a great home with him. She knew he would definitely be happy with her.
Though she made up so innumerable reasons to support her decision, the irrational and the unreasonable part of her, which was filled with love for him, kept confusing her. But she had made her decision. Strongly! Nothing mattered then. Nothing mattered after. Not a tear was shed. Not a word was uttered. And her life was never the same again. She was alive, barely, physically.
What would she not give to have that one year back? She has relived that year and time for over a million times in her mind. Even now in the depths of the nights she would wake up suddenly hearing him call her, only to realize that it was just a dream. If she ever had the chance to live her own life again, she would not hesitate to give all that she owned for the sake of having him. When ever she saw someone holding his hands and cuddling up with him she does not feel any pangs of jealousy but sadness that she ever had to give him up. But he, unawares of all this emotional turbulence of hers, is still full of the same charm and in the years that had passed had grown more handsome.
She sure let go of him. But she is still holding on to the memory that he is hers.
He will always be her baby! And no one can ever deny that. No one!
He was the world to her! She despised all her other pleasures just to be around him, to see him smile in his sleep, to hold that soft and warm hands in hers, to lose track of time listening to him mumble sweet nothings in her ears, to feel the wetness of his lips against her cheek when she held him in a tight hug. She was filled with pristine love! She felt complete.
The time she spent with him was the best part of her life. What she shared with him was one of the most beautiful and intimate relationship in the whole world. He would walk around her in that special style that she adored; would come crawling back to her even when she kept pushing him away in that funny and teasing way. And she would be there for his every smile and whimper. They communicated in that special language, only they both understood.
As like every woman, she too had so many dreams and many silly and baseless worries that some thing will happen to hamper their lived-happily dream life. Well, she was not entirely wrong nor paranoic.And she was the reason for letting him go! It was that crazy period in her life, when she seemed to have everything; at the same felt like she had lost everything. So she knew from the start, this happiness was not to last. Earlier, her parents chided her for ever wanting to have him, because they were worried about what the world will speak of them and the way their daughter turned out to be .Her friends advised her that it was a lost cause, wishing to have him for the rest of her life after all that she had been through.
She did not like that. She did not need that. Again! She did not want to lose him too, as she had - to lose a man she thought she was blessed to live with. Life was bliss until the moment she came to know of the cheating and betrayal and the injustice of it. As such she was totally helpless and was not in a position to question the man in any way that was legal. She was partly annoyed at her own self, having to have ever trusted some one like that man. She chose to part. That scarred her being and she thought that was all she would ever be able to take. But one thing she was ever grateful to that man, inspite of all the hatred pounding in every vein of hers was that he was the reason she ever got the most precious gift. She took it to be the string that a destitute woman like her can hold on to. On the verge of being wrenched up from that one life supporting string, she was torn.
Finally she decided to let him go. She thought to herself, however tough this may seem she was doing this for the sake of him. If he would be happy with someone else, then so be it. If some body can give him the only one thing the she can’t then it was all that was to it. Yea! There was this one thing which she can never give him. She had lost faith in men, well of course, except him. She was sure; as they grew old some embarrassing situations would arise, where she would be the victimized and put to accusation. She feared that this may, may give him a tiny reason to hate her, for putting upon him such a burden and embarrassment. She thought separation at the start would spare her from as much pain as it would be after so many years. Luckily there came along a wonderful woman who promised her that she would be with him all time long and take good care him and would make a great home with him. She knew he would definitely be happy with her.
Though she made up so innumerable reasons to support her decision, the irrational and the unreasonable part of her, which was filled with love for him, kept confusing her. But she had made her decision. Strongly! Nothing mattered then. Nothing mattered after. Not a tear was shed. Not a word was uttered. And her life was never the same again. She was alive, barely, physically.
What would she not give to have that one year back? She has relived that year and time for over a million times in her mind. Even now in the depths of the nights she would wake up suddenly hearing him call her, only to realize that it was just a dream. If she ever had the chance to live her own life again, she would not hesitate to give all that she owned for the sake of having him. When ever she saw someone holding his hands and cuddling up with him she does not feel any pangs of jealousy but sadness that she ever had to give him up. But he, unawares of all this emotional turbulence of hers, is still full of the same charm and in the years that had passed had grown more handsome.
She sure let go of him. But she is still holding on to the memory that he is hers.
He will always be her baby! And no one can ever deny that. No one!
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Why thou late?
Was intending to make a post here for a long time, but frequent meetings with one dead line and another took away most of time.
When being alone, with nothing but silence for company, unwarranted and unsolicited bits of scenes from the most personal film - years of your living, pops up in your mind. At times it is voluntary but at other times it automatically uncoils and starts to play. The music will be a hiss, the images will be blurred, but among them some words blared, and some moments vivid. Sometimes when delved deep into it you feel you are being sucked up by the whirlpool of images and feelings that the thin line of reasoning dividing the past and the present snap and both the worlds merge. You may still feel its Jim’s fault that you fell off the cab, and had not been for that kind priest you would still be lost in that big town. Tough you would be very well aware inwardly that if not for Jim too, you would have fallen off the cab, because it was a stupid thing to try and get down a running cab at the age of 7, the long lost hatred on Jim comes resounding back. Even when the present you may feel it’s wrong and immature to still be fueling that idea, you continue to stick to the old story, maybe because you are ashamed to accept that you have done something wrong and unintelligent there or to forget the fact that 5 to 6 of your then classmates, including Jim had not only seen you fall but also had a good laugh at it. Maybe! But amongst all the fading faces, Jim and his wicked leering stand out almost clearly, making you jump out of the reverie imagining the fall and the ensuing pain.
Not that only memories about embarrassment and pain stand out. Just some random words said by someone who somehow mattered at some level, small string of music you used to like when you were in your early teens and other lovely things etched in some place inside of you - of which you never had an idea you have gotten them still, jumps up; And again sometimes, even those events that you so wanted to repress, memories you so wanted to erase out and pretend as if no such thing has ever happened with you, comes forth – sometimes on dot; sometimes out of the blue; sometimes late!
It is like a diary you used to log all your experiences both nice and vice. In the long run you realize that the diary is no more blank or fresh nor its pages crispy. But it still holds all those wonderful minutes of the life, which makes life more interesting and worth a journey; instances of learning and rejoice, hurt and bonding that made you the person you are now!
When being alone, with nothing but silence for company, unwarranted and unsolicited bits of scenes from the most personal film - years of your living, pops up in your mind. At times it is voluntary but at other times it automatically uncoils and starts to play. The music will be a hiss, the images will be blurred, but among them some words blared, and some moments vivid. Sometimes when delved deep into it you feel you are being sucked up by the whirlpool of images and feelings that the thin line of reasoning dividing the past and the present snap and both the worlds merge. You may still feel its Jim’s fault that you fell off the cab, and had not been for that kind priest you would still be lost in that big town. Tough you would be very well aware inwardly that if not for Jim too, you would have fallen off the cab, because it was a stupid thing to try and get down a running cab at the age of 7, the long lost hatred on Jim comes resounding back. Even when the present you may feel it’s wrong and immature to still be fueling that idea, you continue to stick to the old story, maybe because you are ashamed to accept that you have done something wrong and unintelligent there or to forget the fact that 5 to 6 of your then classmates, including Jim had not only seen you fall but also had a good laugh at it. Maybe! But amongst all the fading faces, Jim and his wicked leering stand out almost clearly, making you jump out of the reverie imagining the fall and the ensuing pain.
Not that only memories about embarrassment and pain stand out. Just some random words said by someone who somehow mattered at some level, small string of music you used to like when you were in your early teens and other lovely things etched in some place inside of you - of which you never had an idea you have gotten them still, jumps up; And again sometimes, even those events that you so wanted to repress, memories you so wanted to erase out and pretend as if no such thing has ever happened with you, comes forth – sometimes on dot; sometimes out of the blue; sometimes late!
It is like a diary you used to log all your experiences both nice and vice. In the long run you realize that the diary is no more blank or fresh nor its pages crispy. But it still holds all those wonderful minutes of the life, which makes life more interesting and worth a journey; instances of learning and rejoice, hurt and bonding that made you the person you are now!
Thursday, March 2, 2006
Special Occasion..
"Hey, here is one thing, really important, that I want to tell you"
"What? What is it??"
"I’m getting engaged. The wedding is in March"
" "
**smiles**
This is an extract from the conversation I had with my friend sometime back in November last year.
*
Clad in a pretty red traditional nine-yards saree with million multi-colored garlands wrapped around her neck, the bride comes on to the manai. Looking fabulous, her face glows with a radiant smile, revealing a slight nervousness – which, I guess, could be a mixture of unrest; of all the attention; the promises of a new phase life; the anticipation that things should proceed well; the eagerness to be with the man she loves, believes and treasures. The father of the bride takes her hand and places over the groom’s in the holy and the very emotional tradition kannikadhanam, after which the groom accepts the bride into his life and they unite tying the knot.
*
I always find this to be the most special and moving part of the whole marriage ceremony.
It was extra special today, as I watched my dear friend and roommate Harini, walk the first seven steps into matrimony, with Mukund.
Best wishes dear, for a very happy and content married life.
"What? What is it??"
"I’m getting engaged. The wedding is in March"
" "
**smiles**
This is an extract from the conversation I had with my friend sometime back in November last year.
*
Clad in a pretty red traditional nine-yards saree with million multi-colored garlands wrapped around her neck, the bride comes on to the manai. Looking fabulous, her face glows with a radiant smile, revealing a slight nervousness – which, I guess, could be a mixture of unrest; of all the attention; the promises of a new phase life; the anticipation that things should proceed well; the eagerness to be with the man she loves, believes and treasures. The father of the bride takes her hand and places over the groom’s in the holy and the very emotional tradition kannikadhanam, after which the groom accepts the bride into his life and they unite tying the knot.
*
I always find this to be the most special and moving part of the whole marriage ceremony.
It was extra special today, as I watched my dear friend and roommate Harini, walk the first seven steps into matrimony, with Mukund.
Best wishes dear, for a very happy and content married life.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Prototyping
Some times in a wedding crowd whenever a youngster is introduced as one working in a well-known firm, it attracts lots of attention. And surprisingly, when it is mentioned that someone belonging to that ‘real young’ generation is working for an IT firm, more often than not, a weird expression greets them. A mixture of awe and skepticism combined with an evaluating stare followed by a bunch of well-rehearsed, clichéd words (‘Kids these days are introduced to money at this young age, they fail to truly appreciate the worth/value of it’…or something of that sort.) When I’m put through this whole episode I will be bursting to respond, ‘Oh! Really! You think so!!’ But in order to avoid another well-rehearsed rendition of ‘kids these days…’ and the eventual inclusion in the genre of ‘rude kids…’ I keep my golden silence than to argue about idiosyncratic habit of prototyping things.
But of late I got to wonder why that is so? On noticing I got to know that IT-earning-kids is not an isolated issue about the prototyping stuff. It ought to have a deep running connection with us from start and it is just that some people choose to explicitly expose that nature of theirs and others are subtle in that expression. The fact is that all of us prototype things all through our life. This is just a musing on what could be the possible reason.
It is only human to want the best. Not at all times, does this ‘best’ come when one has experienced its predecessors ‘good’ and ‘better’. This wanting (to be) best is the underlying basis of human evaluation of things and people. For many cases the evaluation starts with the best. Simply, it could go like this – I go to a movie and find one actor very good on screen. So he becomes my best (fave) actor. And next time I watch a similar kind of movie I sub consciously compare the guy on screen with the fave-attributes I have got out of the first actor and evaluate if this actor is up-to that standards I have come to expect out of any actor (based on my faves). If this second guy is better than my fave, to my expectations I add those points about this second guy that most appeals to me and from then on this updated fave-attribute-list becomes my basis of evaluation.
The list is often pruned, updated and fine tuned to one needs and likes. Sometimes, in isolated cased, it is scratched and the process begins all over again. It is this list that we use to evaluate, accept or reject, respect or just ignore/neglect people. Right from the childhood days we are putting things through a box of testing/ evaluation and only later accept. The list that we are talking about is that box and means. In the growing up stages of life, even as a child we sub consciously form the list. Moms are always the best. So a kid naturally expects other mom’s to be like his and in some instances when whenever the other kid’s mom does something that pleases/ impresses it, it takes an immediate liking to that aunty and pester its mom to be like that. Maybe this is why we try to ape the celebrity’s mannerisms, sport icons style and the film people’s coolness.
This expectation-and-correction exists around us like aura or vibration that connects us to people of similar likes/ dislikes. Else how would anyone explain why one likes somebody the moment they meet them or what could make some one hate another the instance he eyes him? We meet someone and the waiting demon checks, cross checks, analyses, brings forth various qualities/ attributes of various lists and alerts us to the type of person we are with and then naturally the accept(ion) / rejection/ not–bad-to-be-with evaluation takes place.
Personally, my ulterior motive of life is to be happy. To make my self happy sub consciously, maybe, I would choose the best I could get in all phases of life, and in all opportunity. If I see some one else happier than me, I might evaluate what made them happy and if that pleases me add that on to my list. It is the similar process for pruning. I would definitely not add ‘smoking’ to my list of being-happy coz that is already a part of my No-No-List.
Life goes on and we toil in this attempt to correct and adjust the list so that it suits us and others who matter. (Again who matter depends on what we expect out of them and how well we connect with their vibrations).
I don’t know!! It all sounds like so much of work and I don’t think I would be doing all this. But the truth still remains and speaks for itself.
But of late I got to wonder why that is so? On noticing I got to know that IT-earning-kids is not an isolated issue about the prototyping stuff. It ought to have a deep running connection with us from start and it is just that some people choose to explicitly expose that nature of theirs and others are subtle in that expression. The fact is that all of us prototype things all through our life. This is just a musing on what could be the possible reason.
It is only human to want the best. Not at all times, does this ‘best’ come when one has experienced its predecessors ‘good’ and ‘better’. This wanting (to be) best is the underlying basis of human evaluation of things and people. For many cases the evaluation starts with the best. Simply, it could go like this – I go to a movie and find one actor very good on screen. So he becomes my best (fave) actor. And next time I watch a similar kind of movie I sub consciously compare the guy on screen with the fave-attributes I have got out of the first actor and evaluate if this actor is up-to that standards I have come to expect out of any actor (based on my faves). If this second guy is better than my fave, to my expectations I add those points about this second guy that most appeals to me and from then on this updated fave-attribute-list becomes my basis of evaluation.
The list is often pruned, updated and fine tuned to one needs and likes. Sometimes, in isolated cased, it is scratched and the process begins all over again. It is this list that we use to evaluate, accept or reject, respect or just ignore/neglect people. Right from the childhood days we are putting things through a box of testing/ evaluation and only later accept. The list that we are talking about is that box and means. In the growing up stages of life, even as a child we sub consciously form the list. Moms are always the best. So a kid naturally expects other mom’s to be like his and in some instances when whenever the other kid’s mom does something that pleases/ impresses it, it takes an immediate liking to that aunty and pester its mom to be like that. Maybe this is why we try to ape the celebrity’s mannerisms, sport icons style and the film people’s coolness.
This expectation-and-correction exists around us like aura or vibration that connects us to people of similar likes/ dislikes. Else how would anyone explain why one likes somebody the moment they meet them or what could make some one hate another the instance he eyes him? We meet someone and the waiting demon checks, cross checks, analyses, brings forth various qualities/ attributes of various lists and alerts us to the type of person we are with and then naturally the accept(ion) / rejection/ not–bad-to-be-with evaluation takes place.
Personally, my ulterior motive of life is to be happy. To make my self happy sub consciously, maybe, I would choose the best I could get in all phases of life, and in all opportunity. If I see some one else happier than me, I might evaluate what made them happy and if that pleases me add that on to my list. It is the similar process for pruning. I would definitely not add ‘smoking’ to my list of being-happy coz that is already a part of my No-No-List.
Life goes on and we toil in this attempt to correct and adjust the list so that it suits us and others who matter. (Again who matter depends on what we expect out of them and how well we connect with their vibrations).
I don’t know!! It all sounds like so much of work and I don’t think I would be doing all this. But the truth still remains and speaks for itself.
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