I’m unable to concentrate on any thing. Literally! No thoughts. My mind is blank.
No!!!
My mind is trying to point to something. My heart is desperate that my mind points to it. I know there is something that is really bothering. Mind feels heavy, laden with some thing which I’m having difficultly finding out. Is it the feeling of insecurity I had in the previous assignments, which is suddenly overcoming me, as I read the document sent out to me of which I could make neither heads nor tails? Is it the feeling of losing something so very close to heart that is bothering me? Is this a foreboding that I’m fighting for losing cause, all over again. What is that, that is eluding. Is it a long-buried thought from the past? Is it an anxious anticipation of tomorrow? Or is it just the expectation for a bright and happy present?
In retrospection, I’m really not able to point to something and say this is what is troubling me. Though that is still eluding, every passing moment the feeling increases. A sudden desperation, anxiousness, an urgency to do something, but the mind and heart just blatantly refuses to co-operate.
*
If u are unable to relate to it, u r lucky!
If u can, then I’m sorry for u as much as I’m sorry for me.
Monday, July 18, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
After an year..,
...a year since they parted
The eyes, that made her feel like a woman
The words, that teased her as if she were a child,
The smile, which she longed, wanting for more,
The name, that became her identity
The personality that awakened all her senses…
The touch, which felt like the gentle caress of breeze
The shoulders, where she wanted to lie, all her life
The arms, which she wished, would always hold hers,
The love, which made her dream about togetherness
The secrecy, which made her inner self glow…
The night has not dawned
The dreams still undreamt,
All that she wished...
Is all that she has…
The truth, scar-ed her heart
The depression, engulfed her being,
The revelation, buried her thoughts
The loss in the game, made her quit.
May her love rest in peace!
The eyes, that made her feel like a woman
The words, that teased her as if she were a child,
The smile, which she longed, wanting for more,
The name, that became her identity
The personality that awakened all her senses…
The touch, which felt like the gentle caress of breeze
The shoulders, where she wanted to lie, all her life
The arms, which she wished, would always hold hers,
The love, which made her dream about togetherness
The secrecy, which made her inner self glow…
The night has not dawned
The dreams still undreamt,
All that she wished...
Is all that she has…
The truth, scar-ed her heart
The depression, engulfed her being,
The revelation, buried her thoughts
The loss in the game, made her quit.
May her love rest in peace!
Tuesday, July 5, 2005
Farewell..,
Journey!! One best time to let ur mind roam freely, hindered by no disturbances. Like the view that passes by the window the thoughts fly by ….
*
I had reached the Crammin restaurant. It was a cool and breezy evening in Bangalore and I was waiting for my friends to come and join me. Just then I had called Amisha and it seemed like she is on her way along with her colleague Rahul. Shruthi already had told me she will a bit late. They were my best pals and we were meeting after a very long time.
I spent the next few minutes window shopping and looking at my watch and finally, Amisha and Rahul arrived. I saw that she was carrying a bag.
‘Ok. Not bad’, I smiled to myself.
‘What kept u guys so long?’
‘Traffic’ said Amisha, cutting in with a smile before Rahul started to answer.
‘You don’t have to lie’, I thought.
Then we moved to the table reserved for us. The place was less crowded.
’It’s a bit early’, I thought. The restaurant had many tables fitted in neatly in the small place; each table had a vase placed in the centre, with some flowers in them. The ambiance was good and the soft music was very soothing and romantic.
In not more than 5 minutes Shruthi joined us. ‘Hi kids!’, Shruthi said in her sweet voice. I always loved her voice and her cheerful tone.
‘Hi’ we chorused back. She took a chair near Rahul. Quite predictable for a girl friend. And then she laid out a box in front of me. I knew what it was though I pretended like I dint care.
‘There is no need for that. You know this is for u’, she said with a smile and pushed the box towards me. As I was opening my box, she said ‘Happy Birthday’. I smiled back and noticed that the card read ‘From us!’ .Very typical of her and Rahul. Then Amisha gave me her present. A hand made card and a hand made jewel box ; typical of her too. Shruthi and Amisha excused themselves to the restroom. Rahul got a call he went outside to attend it as the signal was quite bad inside the building.
I was touched by the effort Amisha has taken for my sake; felt it was the act of true love. But few people I knew thought otherwise, like she was too lazy and miserly to get a present.
‘Let’s not get into that. That did not matter much.’ I said to myself. ‘What mattered much was I’m very happy and content at this moment.’
The surroundings, gifts and spending an evening with my close pals, had had that effect on me. There was also the prospect of meeting someone whom I have not met in like a year, and had always wanted to meet once I graduated out of college, also was hoping to exchange a word or two with him. Rishi Kumar was my college mate.
‘Ok. Ok. Not just college mate’ I smiled.
I meet him on my first train journey back home. Never did I know him or have seen him before, but I was mildly interested then.
‘The actual story would go on for pages.’ I thought reminiscently.
The fact was that, this “mildly interested” thing - fuelled by numerous “Info” and accidental meetings- slowly became “interested” and “liking” and much more.
The news of he, being a guy so close to my heart, slowly became a universal secret. Though he was aware of this entire episode he never responded. This encouraged my feelings even further. Never did I realize that it was not because he dint care that he dint respond but because he was not interested. This came as a huge blow; the only guy that I ever fell for is not interested in me.
‘Hullo! Madam, are we going to order?’! They had all come back just then. ‘I had an early lunch and I’m starving. Moreover this restaurant has a reputation of “quick” service’, Rahul said.
‘Hey! This place was your choice’, I said. ‘Ya u can go ahead. But I thought we can order once he too joined us’.
‘Who?’ questioned Amisha, who was un-characteristically silent for all this while, which was not at all a good sign. Not a good sign at all. I sensed some mischievous plan brewing inside.
I looked at Shruthi, who had this she-asked-u-not-me expression on her face.
‘Fine’ But I was saved the work, as I saw him enter the restaurant. ‘Now why do I have to have a silly smile on the face and why dose my heart race at this pace?’
Rhyme and Rhythm! These things happened every time when I saw him and that time was no exception. He was fast approaching us. As he came near our table, some one stopped him and started talking. As that guy happened to be a boss of Amisha and Rahul they left to greet him. ‘World is so small!’ I thought.
Even though I was aware of his feeling and he of mine, we had hardly spoken to each other, if you don’t consider the customary ‘hello’ when being introduced. We had been introduced at least a dozen times to each other, but he would not bother to smile back or act as if we knew each other the next time we came face-to-face. I have hated him for that. I knew and cared abt him in all ways that were possible. But people around me, who were kind of close to both of us said, ‘u r wasting time’.
‘I know’ I thought.
Why can’t he come soon and why cant the jerk who is been holding him talking something let him go?’ I thought.
Hah, finally he finished his long conversation and joined us at the table. ‘Don’t be so obvious. He is going to have a private laugh at u for this’. I said to myself and tried to look politely normal. Fate! Why does he have to sit next to me? I was becoming overly conscious again.
‘Shall we order?’ I asked to awkwardly. Amisha giggled. I wanted to stamp her feet and ask her to stay silent. Shruthi and Rishi started talking about some common friend of their. When I was slowly getting used to his presence, I tried to join the conversation but in vain. I couldn’t find any place where they came to a more common plane. So I let them carry on with their talks and turned to the menu card. When the waiter came, I looked at them all, and Shruthi said, ‘Let the B’Day baby order first’.
‘Ok’, I said. ‘I would like to have baby corn soup’. Suddenly Rishi said, ‘I would have one too’ and smiled. Continuing with the order as if I hadn’t heard this I said ‘And 2 butter rotis with aloo mutter’. ‘Make that two’, he said and smiled again. Damn what was his idea? I said ‘Apple milk shake’, which was followed by his ‘me too’. Now, this is the limit. Was he trying to embarrass me? I looked up from the menu book and saw him positively smiling at me. Why was he doing that? Unaware of this, the others were placing their orders. When I thought I could secretly steal another look at him, he was continuing his conversation with Shruthi again. This time Rahul was also a part. Slowly the conversation shifted to a more known area – college. Each one reminiscently told some incidents of their college days. I have heard Shruthi’s and Amisha’s story over and over again, I could tell those stories as they would tell. Rahul had so many funny stories to add, and when we were having a great time, the food arrived bringing me back to the present. The time between the order- and serving was so fun-filled that I quite forgot about the thing that I had sworn to myself that I would tell them.
‘I don’t have to tell them’, I had contemplated. Though there were differences and bitter memories amongst us, they were the people I cared about so much, that I wanted them to know this. They were the people who stood by my side not only during happy moments but also during tough times. I dint realize that I had abandoned the act of eating and had become so absorbed with the spoon, until Rahul asked ‘Oi! What’s up?’
That was my cue. I started ‘Hmm.’. ‘No, how the hell did I think I could pull it through.’
‘U have to’, I told myself. I tried again ‘I just wanted to…Hmmm..u know….say this… well ..The thing is ….u know….’
‘Hey what’s wrong?’
I look at Shruthi with a blank stare. She shook me and asked ‘WHAT?’
I told myself, ‘It’s now or never’. With sudden rush of emotion I said ‘I’m going to get engaged!’ I had expected their reactions. But nothing I had ever expected had prepared me for that. They were looking at me as if I had lost my mind. I mastered my impulse and looked in his way. He was also wearing an odd look. Something was wrong or was I missing something important. Slowly Amisha asked “What about….?’ That was the last thing I wanted to hear and talk about. I dint want to answer, suddenly I felt very angry and I was urging to say “What about what? Of all the time u could have asked u dint and when I don’t want to hear that question u are asking me’. But I knew very well what the question actually meant. So I resigned to silence and stared at my spoon. Slowly my anger ebbed away and I felt like I have lost a very treasure-able possession. I felt like I was going to cry. I could not believe I could cry, for him.
When was the last time I cried for him? Second-year? I had vowed to myself that never again will I cry for some one. They were all still silent. Couldn’t they say something? Tears started pouring out from my eyes.
A hand gently rested on my shoulder. Feeling bad that I had spoiled their fun evening, I croaked ‘I’m sorry’ without even looking up. I heard another voice ‘I’m sorry too!’ It wouldn’t take a genius to guess the voice of a person who had been their passion for 4 years. In a surprise I turned around. The distance from which I heard the voice should have told me that he was very close by. I turned and looked up into his eyes. I felt like he had meant that he was sorry. Boring into those green eyes, I felt all those years of longing, waiting and anticipation over power me. I wished I would not cry. He slowly inched forward and as lightly as a breeze brushed his lips on my cheek. Man, what was he doing? With confusion and a slight blush I looked at him. He slowly arranged my hair lock that was falling on my forehead.
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Even in that bliss, I thought, ‘What a weird ring tone?’
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
The sound had partly brought me back and I started to wonder ‘Why can’t he just pick it up?’
*
I felt a tug on my left sleeve. I turned and saw my colleague Pranathi staring at me. Wasn’t Amisha supposed to be there? Where is she?
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Da, just pick it up. Or just cut it out.
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
‘Will ya just cut it out?’
“Cut it out, I will. But u will miss your stop’. I heard Pranathi say.
‘What the…?’
I croakily said, ‘Have we reached?’
A sense of loss washed over me. ‘We are almost there. What’s up? Night-out effect? It was like the hundredth time I called u?’ I know she was talking to me. I barely heard. The tears seemed real. She was still talking. She gave me a slight push and said ‘Move on’.
“Ya I need to move on! “
*
*
I had reached the Crammin restaurant. It was a cool and breezy evening in Bangalore and I was waiting for my friends to come and join me. Just then I had called Amisha and it seemed like she is on her way along with her colleague Rahul. Shruthi already had told me she will a bit late. They were my best pals and we were meeting after a very long time.
I spent the next few minutes window shopping and looking at my watch and finally, Amisha and Rahul arrived. I saw that she was carrying a bag.
‘Ok. Not bad’, I smiled to myself.
‘What kept u guys so long?’
‘Traffic’ said Amisha, cutting in with a smile before Rahul started to answer.
‘You don’t have to lie’, I thought.
Then we moved to the table reserved for us. The place was less crowded.
’It’s a bit early’, I thought. The restaurant had many tables fitted in neatly in the small place; each table had a vase placed in the centre, with some flowers in them. The ambiance was good and the soft music was very soothing and romantic.
In not more than 5 minutes Shruthi joined us. ‘Hi kids!’, Shruthi said in her sweet voice. I always loved her voice and her cheerful tone.
‘Hi’ we chorused back. She took a chair near Rahul. Quite predictable for a girl friend. And then she laid out a box in front of me. I knew what it was though I pretended like I dint care.
‘There is no need for that. You know this is for u’, she said with a smile and pushed the box towards me. As I was opening my box, she said ‘Happy Birthday’. I smiled back and noticed that the card read ‘From us!’ .Very typical of her and Rahul. Then Amisha gave me her present. A hand made card and a hand made jewel box ; typical of her too. Shruthi and Amisha excused themselves to the restroom. Rahul got a call he went outside to attend it as the signal was quite bad inside the building.
I was touched by the effort Amisha has taken for my sake; felt it was the act of true love. But few people I knew thought otherwise, like she was too lazy and miserly to get a present.
‘Let’s not get into that. That did not matter much.’ I said to myself. ‘What mattered much was I’m very happy and content at this moment.’
The surroundings, gifts and spending an evening with my close pals, had had that effect on me. There was also the prospect of meeting someone whom I have not met in like a year, and had always wanted to meet once I graduated out of college, also was hoping to exchange a word or two with him. Rishi Kumar was my college mate.
‘Ok. Ok. Not just college mate’ I smiled.
I meet him on my first train journey back home. Never did I know him or have seen him before, but I was mildly interested then.
‘The actual story would go on for pages.’ I thought reminiscently.
The fact was that, this “mildly interested” thing - fuelled by numerous “Info” and accidental meetings- slowly became “interested” and “liking” and much more.
The news of he, being a guy so close to my heart, slowly became a universal secret. Though he was aware of this entire episode he never responded. This encouraged my feelings even further. Never did I realize that it was not because he dint care that he dint respond but because he was not interested. This came as a huge blow; the only guy that I ever fell for is not interested in me.
‘Hullo! Madam, are we going to order?’! They had all come back just then. ‘I had an early lunch and I’m starving. Moreover this restaurant has a reputation of “quick” service’, Rahul said.
‘Hey! This place was your choice’, I said. ‘Ya u can go ahead. But I thought we can order once he too joined us’.
‘Who?’ questioned Amisha, who was un-characteristically silent for all this while, which was not at all a good sign. Not a good sign at all. I sensed some mischievous plan brewing inside.
I looked at Shruthi, who had this she-asked-u-not-me expression on her face.
‘Fine’ But I was saved the work, as I saw him enter the restaurant. ‘Now why do I have to have a silly smile on the face and why dose my heart race at this pace?’
Rhyme and Rhythm! These things happened every time when I saw him and that time was no exception. He was fast approaching us. As he came near our table, some one stopped him and started talking. As that guy happened to be a boss of Amisha and Rahul they left to greet him. ‘World is so small!’ I thought.
Even though I was aware of his feeling and he of mine, we had hardly spoken to each other, if you don’t consider the customary ‘hello’ when being introduced. We had been introduced at least a dozen times to each other, but he would not bother to smile back or act as if we knew each other the next time we came face-to-face. I have hated him for that. I knew and cared abt him in all ways that were possible. But people around me, who were kind of close to both of us said, ‘u r wasting time’.
‘I know’ I thought.
Why can’t he come soon and why cant the jerk who is been holding him talking something let him go?’ I thought.
Hah, finally he finished his long conversation and joined us at the table. ‘Don’t be so obvious. He is going to have a private laugh at u for this’. I said to myself and tried to look politely normal. Fate! Why does he have to sit next to me? I was becoming overly conscious again.
‘Shall we order?’ I asked to awkwardly. Amisha giggled. I wanted to stamp her feet and ask her to stay silent. Shruthi and Rishi started talking about some common friend of their. When I was slowly getting used to his presence, I tried to join the conversation but in vain. I couldn’t find any place where they came to a more common plane. So I let them carry on with their talks and turned to the menu card. When the waiter came, I looked at them all, and Shruthi said, ‘Let the B’Day baby order first’.
‘Ok’, I said. ‘I would like to have baby corn soup’. Suddenly Rishi said, ‘I would have one too’ and smiled. Continuing with the order as if I hadn’t heard this I said ‘And 2 butter rotis with aloo mutter’. ‘Make that two’, he said and smiled again. Damn what was his idea? I said ‘Apple milk shake’, which was followed by his ‘me too’. Now, this is the limit. Was he trying to embarrass me? I looked up from the menu book and saw him positively smiling at me. Why was he doing that? Unaware of this, the others were placing their orders. When I thought I could secretly steal another look at him, he was continuing his conversation with Shruthi again. This time Rahul was also a part. Slowly the conversation shifted to a more known area – college. Each one reminiscently told some incidents of their college days. I have heard Shruthi’s and Amisha’s story over and over again, I could tell those stories as they would tell. Rahul had so many funny stories to add, and when we were having a great time, the food arrived bringing me back to the present. The time between the order- and serving was so fun-filled that I quite forgot about the thing that I had sworn to myself that I would tell them.
‘I don’t have to tell them’, I had contemplated. Though there were differences and bitter memories amongst us, they were the people I cared about so much, that I wanted them to know this. They were the people who stood by my side not only during happy moments but also during tough times. I dint realize that I had abandoned the act of eating and had become so absorbed with the spoon, until Rahul asked ‘Oi! What’s up?’
That was my cue. I started ‘Hmm.’. ‘No, how the hell did I think I could pull it through.’
‘U have to’, I told myself. I tried again ‘I just wanted to…Hmmm..u know….say this… well ..The thing is ….u know….’
‘Hey what’s wrong?’
I look at Shruthi with a blank stare. She shook me and asked ‘WHAT?’
I told myself, ‘It’s now or never’. With sudden rush of emotion I said ‘I’m going to get engaged!’ I had expected their reactions. But nothing I had ever expected had prepared me for that. They were looking at me as if I had lost my mind. I mastered my impulse and looked in his way. He was also wearing an odd look. Something was wrong or was I missing something important. Slowly Amisha asked “What about….?’ That was the last thing I wanted to hear and talk about. I dint want to answer, suddenly I felt very angry and I was urging to say “What about what? Of all the time u could have asked u dint and when I don’t want to hear that question u are asking me’. But I knew very well what the question actually meant. So I resigned to silence and stared at my spoon. Slowly my anger ebbed away and I felt like I have lost a very treasure-able possession. I felt like I was going to cry. I could not believe I could cry, for him.
When was the last time I cried for him? Second-year? I had vowed to myself that never again will I cry for some one. They were all still silent. Couldn’t they say something? Tears started pouring out from my eyes.
A hand gently rested on my shoulder. Feeling bad that I had spoiled their fun evening, I croaked ‘I’m sorry’ without even looking up. I heard another voice ‘I’m sorry too!’ It wouldn’t take a genius to guess the voice of a person who had been their passion for 4 years. In a surprise I turned around. The distance from which I heard the voice should have told me that he was very close by. I turned and looked up into his eyes. I felt like he had meant that he was sorry. Boring into those green eyes, I felt all those years of longing, waiting and anticipation over power me. I wished I would not cry. He slowly inched forward and as lightly as a breeze brushed his lips on my cheek. Man, what was he doing? With confusion and a slight blush I looked at him. He slowly arranged my hair lock that was falling on my forehead.
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Even in that bliss, I thought, ‘What a weird ring tone?’
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
The sound had partly brought me back and I started to wonder ‘Why can’t he just pick it up?’
*
I felt a tug on my left sleeve. I turned and saw my colleague Pranathi staring at me. Wasn’t Amisha supposed to be there? Where is she?
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Da, just pick it up. Or just cut it out.
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
‘Will ya just cut it out?’
“Cut it out, I will. But u will miss your stop’. I heard Pranathi say.
‘What the…?’
I croakily said, ‘Have we reached?’
A sense of loss washed over me. ‘We are almost there. What’s up? Night-out effect? It was like the hundredth time I called u?’ I know she was talking to me. I barely heard. The tears seemed real. She was still talking. She gave me a slight push and said ‘Move on’.
“Ya I need to move on! “
*
Monday, July 4, 2005
Loss or Lack?
At times we are happy and elate
Having achieved a feet,
When it feels we have the world
We are so content for words…
At times when frustration has no bound
And in self-pity we ground,
Of loss or failure
We are so choked to talk…
At times when we are near
To someone who is secretly dear,
When time does not move on
We are so thrilled for words…
At times when we are desperate
For any help tiny and need’nt be great
When there shines some hope
We are so grateful to talk…
At times we urge to utter
Words- of consequences we shudder,
Then life would never be the same
Again we play that game…
Amidst the roaring waves,
Singing winds and running thoughts-
There is a pause so wise!
It adds to the music so nice…
To converse, thank or criticize!
These words- says it all
And says it best…
Having achieved a feet,
When it feels we have the world
We are so content for words…
At times when frustration has no bound
And in self-pity we ground,
Of loss or failure
We are so choked to talk…
At times when we are near
To someone who is secretly dear,
When time does not move on
We are so thrilled for words…
At times when we are desperate
For any help tiny and need’nt be great
When there shines some hope
We are so grateful to talk…
At times we urge to utter
Words- of consequences we shudder,
Then life would never be the same
Again we play that game…
Amidst the roaring waves,
Singing winds and running thoughts-
There is a pause so wise!
It adds to the music so nice…
To converse, thank or criticize!
These words- says it all
And says it best…
Somewhere I dont belong
My long hours at work will explain my absence from blog world. As a project delivery had been made on Friday and as my mentor has not checked in yet,I thought I will pen down about an incident that happened last week.
Last Thursday, just a day before the project delivery, I had planned to leave by the bus that leaves my campus at 8 p.m. Almost by 7.30 p.m, work for the day was done and I was waiting up for my friend Rhea to wind up her work. As I had taken up as an assignment to read Senor's blog in recent times, I was so engrossed in that to notice that I had just 10 minutes for the bus. So I signaled Rhea to hasten up. She was on the phone discussing certain project related issues with her onsite. So I conveyed to her that I’ll be leaving and asked her to join me later. With that I left my work area and started walking towards the bus terminus. The time on my mobile indicated that I had 10 more minutes. So I took the longer route to the terminus only to find my bus, within 10 feet distance from me, leaving the terminus. I had no other option but to use the public transport service.
Resigning to my fate and cursing my luck I started walking down the street to the check post, which is at the far end of the lane where the local buses stop. On the way to the check post, which is about a 15 minutes walk from my office campus, I was thinking about my stupidity not to realize that my mobile has been set to an incorrect time all along. Also I realized that I was so engrossed in his words and thought process and that I had not totally come out of that.
Finally after the long walk I reached the check post. The place was sparsely crowded. There were people after Celebrating work, few daily wagers, one or two beggars, and few people lost in their own thoughts. I had never used the local buses from office. So was not really sure if there will come a bus to my place from this junction. Slowly more people joined in the wait for the buses. Why does that, it always have to be the other end of the junction from where I’m standing that more buses frequent. Relativity, huh?? It was a excruciatingly long wait. There was a lady standing beside me, waiting for the bus. I was so very tempted to ask her whether it is from here that I have to board a bus to my place. I dint want to end up in waiting in a wrong terminus all the while. But the egoist in me will never let me do that. So there occurred a moral conflict between the egoistic me and the tired(of walking, waiting) me. But to save much trouble, the bus soon arrived loaded with people. I never had a fleeting thought that the crowd in the junction was actually waiting for that particular bus. As the bus halted to a stop, the crowd rushed to get into the already pregnant bus. I still think, if the people had got in slowly all of us could have got into the bus without much scratches and shouting.
Once inside the bus, I had no other thing to do but to watch people around me. There was this gang of college girls who were really very loud. Being in this city for so long, I’m definitely not a stranger to noise, but at the end of a long day, in an over-crowded bus, the idea of high-decibel talks were not all that entertaining. Once all were inside (though looking at the foot-boarders, one wouldn’t say so) the bus slowly started moving along the rough and uneven road. The gang of girls had so much to share, but too little space. So their voices echoed multiple times louder than what would have been my tolerance level. But couldn’t do much, could I? This was not all. There was another gang consisting of we-are-the-hunks-in-town men, who were passing obscene comments in low voices at the girls, and not so obscene but stupid remarks at the woman folk in general in loud voices. This is exactly why I don’t like Tam guys, or for that matter- guys. Some guys, usually from the government colleges (though not all, of course) think their only purpose of existence during their teenage and prime twenties is cat-calling women (age no bar!!). Anyways, the not-so–quite gang was definitely not thinking in my lines, as they were evidently enjoying the attention of the gang of guys, which added to the further increase in the decibel level of them. Adding to my irritation co-efficient, were few men who where unable to stand on their own legs but to lean forward, backward, whatever ward on people (read women) before them.
Over all a thoroughly distressing experience! What with a gang of girls who want people to take notice of them; a gang of guys who would have qualified first hand, if there had been a competition for the people using dirtiest of words; men who wish to unload their burden on to women nearby, women who had to discuss about their domestic problems with another person who is on the other side of the aisle; the conductor who just refuses to come and give tickets to passengers; the driver who would realize that he is within inches from another vehicle in the front only when he is actually in inches with it and would apply the brakes causing the bus to make a screeching halt; the driver and conductors attitude to over load an already overloaded bus; the collective smell of crowd; the dirty seats; comments in varying levels of decency on the bus roof and the sides….what not.
Finally the bus halted in the place where I have to alight, I jumped down from the bus and started walking in brisk pace and slowed down only when I have put a considerable distance between me and the mad crowd, and walked into the sophistication to where I belong. I have decided never to be late for my company bus ever again.
Last Thursday, just a day before the project delivery, I had planned to leave by the bus that leaves my campus at 8 p.m. Almost by 7.30 p.m, work for the day was done and I was waiting up for my friend Rhea to wind up her work. As I had taken up as an assignment to read Senor's blog in recent times, I was so engrossed in that to notice that I had just 10 minutes for the bus. So I signaled Rhea to hasten up. She was on the phone discussing certain project related issues with her onsite. So I conveyed to her that I’ll be leaving and asked her to join me later. With that I left my work area and started walking towards the bus terminus. The time on my mobile indicated that I had 10 more minutes. So I took the longer route to the terminus only to find my bus, within 10 feet distance from me, leaving the terminus. I had no other option but to use the public transport service.
Resigning to my fate and cursing my luck I started walking down the street to the check post, which is at the far end of the lane where the local buses stop. On the way to the check post, which is about a 15 minutes walk from my office campus, I was thinking about my stupidity not to realize that my mobile has been set to an incorrect time all along. Also I realized that I was so engrossed in his words and thought process and that I had not totally come out of that.
Finally after the long walk I reached the check post. The place was sparsely crowded. There were people after Celebrating work, few daily wagers, one or two beggars, and few people lost in their own thoughts. I had never used the local buses from office. So was not really sure if there will come a bus to my place from this junction. Slowly more people joined in the wait for the buses. Why does that, it always have to be the other end of the junction from where I’m standing that more buses frequent. Relativity, huh?? It was a excruciatingly long wait. There was a lady standing beside me, waiting for the bus. I was so very tempted to ask her whether it is from here that I have to board a bus to my place. I dint want to end up in waiting in a wrong terminus all the while. But the egoist in me will never let me do that. So there occurred a moral conflict between the egoistic me and the tired(of walking, waiting) me. But to save much trouble, the bus soon arrived loaded with people. I never had a fleeting thought that the crowd in the junction was actually waiting for that particular bus. As the bus halted to a stop, the crowd rushed to get into the already pregnant bus. I still think, if the people had got in slowly all of us could have got into the bus without much scratches and shouting.
Once inside the bus, I had no other thing to do but to watch people around me. There was this gang of college girls who were really very loud. Being in this city for so long, I’m definitely not a stranger to noise, but at the end of a long day, in an over-crowded bus, the idea of high-decibel talks were not all that entertaining. Once all were inside (though looking at the foot-boarders, one wouldn’t say so) the bus slowly started moving along the rough and uneven road. The gang of girls had so much to share, but too little space. So their voices echoed multiple times louder than what would have been my tolerance level. But couldn’t do much, could I? This was not all. There was another gang consisting of we-are-the-hunks-in-town men, who were passing obscene comments in low voices at the girls, and not so obscene but stupid remarks at the woman folk in general in loud voices. This is exactly why I don’t like Tam guys, or for that matter- guys. Some guys, usually from the government colleges (though not all, of course) think their only purpose of existence during their teenage and prime twenties is cat-calling women (age no bar!!). Anyways, the not-so–quite gang was definitely not thinking in my lines, as they were evidently enjoying the attention of the gang of guys, which added to the further increase in the decibel level of them. Adding to my irritation co-efficient, were few men who where unable to stand on their own legs but to lean forward, backward, whatever ward on people (read women) before them.
Over all a thoroughly distressing experience! What with a gang of girls who want people to take notice of them; a gang of guys who would have qualified first hand, if there had been a competition for the people using dirtiest of words; men who wish to unload their burden on to women nearby, women who had to discuss about their domestic problems with another person who is on the other side of the aisle; the conductor who just refuses to come and give tickets to passengers; the driver who would realize that he is within inches from another vehicle in the front only when he is actually in inches with it and would apply the brakes causing the bus to make a screeching halt; the driver and conductors attitude to over load an already overloaded bus; the collective smell of crowd; the dirty seats; comments in varying levels of decency on the bus roof and the sides….what not.
Finally the bus halted in the place where I have to alight, I jumped down from the bus and started walking in brisk pace and slowed down only when I have put a considerable distance between me and the mad crowd, and walked into the sophistication to where I belong. I have decided never to be late for my company bus ever again.
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