My nest

Being in the crowd, yet being alone. This can precisely summarize how it is for me now. Getting back to the un-naturally clean, guest-house of mine in the evening is not pleasing to me. In the confines of my room though I have been provided with all facilities I would need for the short nights I spend there (may be more than what I would actually be needing), I could feel a distinct emptiness. The things around are just artifacts, which is as un-lively as it is supposed to be. No object has that charm, has that appeal, that small lovely memory with it, which could bring a smile to your lips and a bubble to your heart. The cold walls, where there is nothing but loneliness staring at you from every corner, made me appreciate how drastically different is the place outside the world called home. A home is a place where …. I don’t know!!! I have tried (Really! tried) to bring out what home is (not in any particular order).

To me HOME is,

Where there is always a second chance,
Where there are feelings unexpressed yet felt, words unsaid yet understood,
Where every whine is heard as much as every victory is celebrated,
Where it is ok to cry,
Where you can speak your mind and still be perfectly friendly again,
Where there is no need to feign cuteness to please,
Where you can be the way you are and yet be accepted,
Where sorry and thanks are unheard of,
Where one’s problem is every other person’s problem,
Where crying ‘coz of them is unheard of, as much as crying for them,
Where failure is not a sin, but a step to the top,
Where no job/activity is derogatory
Where there are no made up excuses,
Where every one close to you can see right through you,
Where you really are a part of the group you belong to,
Where you will be missed for occasions as silly as even for the evening dinner,
Where there is no need for decorated words to prove you-self,
Where every one is respected beyond prejudices,
Where every brick speak of love and comfort,
Where you own everything though u don’t own anything,
Where your opinion is asked and is really considered,
Where you don’t have to wait for your chance to speak,
Where you can decide,
Where even in the harshest of winter there are sunrays,
Where love spells magic,
Where you can dance as if no one is watching
…Sing as if no one is listening
…Love as if you r going to die tomorrow,
Where even F.R.I.E.N.D.S have a different meaning,
Where there is always some one to welcome,
…Some one’s shoulder to rest on
….Some one’s hand that can be held day and night
Where Things are always what they seem!!!

I miss you!!

right here right there..

Pre.S: To make up for the crappy blog, before this.
I have been feeling out of place for the past two days. In short, after coming to Hyderabad!
I really don’t have an idea, y it is so! The DC is good, the city has slight evening drizzles almost everyday and it’s adorably breezy. The mood is generally good around. The work is very hectic, giving me no time to think about other stuff and I have a good company. Go back to my nest late in the night with time only for a swift dinner and sleep. I hardly have time to watch TV to distract me. But what is the problem?
Is it because I’m missing my family; or missing Rhea, who has gone to Mumbai for some health reasons; or missing W who seems so near yet so far away; or missing my sweet team there in Chennai; or missing my sweet and understanding Sir who has become someone I shall never have, again; or it because I feel so alienated in this new city?
I’m no stranger to separation. I have been to at a residential college for 4 years, had been frequenting places. But it has never convincingly thought me to bare the separation or i-miss-u factor. I have been to Bangalore for months. But never felt like this before. No wait, there was that one time, I have come close to feeling like this. When my training was called off and posted to Chennai. I had then attributed the feeling to being over anxious about the entry in the professional world. Recently I had been to Bangalore for completing my called off training. Even then I was quite company-less and had loads of work to do. But never once did I feel restless like this.
I can only think of one reason to justify my stand this time. All my previous trips were something I had been looking forward to for some reason or the other. But this one is kind of forced on me, something I dint want to happen at all. (This logic is also capable of explaining my professional-jitters this time last year). All in all, I just want to return back to my own place and escape from the mushy-mush I'm made to hear every day and night.Y God y me of all.Where ever I go, whom ever I meet when its a sidee-state-affair, why is that always have to be "in love".

தனிமையின் கொடுமை..,

மனதில் இருக்கும் சுமை,
விண்ணுலகம் வரை எட்டியது எப்படியோ? என்னைப்போல்
வானமும் கரு மேக‌ம் சூழ்ந்து இருக்கிறதே!!

பெண்ணின் கண்ணீரா, மழைத்துளியா..
பவித்ரமானது எது என்று போட்டியோ?
விடை அறிந்த பூமியும் மணக்கின்றதே!!

நீர்த்துளிகளும் மணற்துகள்களும்
இணையும் பந்தத்தை, வானம்
மின்னலும் இடியுமாய் வாழ்த்துகின்றதே!!

கண்ணீருக்கும்
அவளின் மடி மீது மோகமோ?
தன் அகம் விட்டு புது மனைப் போய் விழுகின்றதே!!

கொள்ளைக் கொள்ளும் காற்றுக்கு
பிறிவின் துயரம் என்ன தெறியும்?
உன் வாசம் சுமந்து வந்து தீண்டுகின்றதே!!

என்மேல் விழுந்த மழைத் துளியே,
இத்தனை நாளாய் எங்கிருந்தாய்:
மழையிடம் வினவும் அவனுக்கு
நான் தான் உனக்கு இங்கே இருக்கிறேனே என்ற பொழுதும்
விளங்காமல் ஏன் போனதோ?