Thursday, September 29, 2005

Roller coaster emotions

My character is not of the one who offers to do anything without being asked to. Be it any help or suggestion. But yesterday, I did not know what, that made me ask it? Well, I know now!
In my two month long stay here days were generally gray and dull. Finally the day was nearing for me to clear out and return back. This Friday!!
He, on his way to moving on to the next best level in his career, had to come here on official purpose. A very nice person to be with and a sweet friend, promptly brought along nice sunshine and smiles! The sun will shine in the near by zone not for long, as it is on its way, moving on to a far distant land.
For the homecoming, I had my tickets booked on a train and he had his booked on a bus. On the same day! As the train leaves very early in the day, I was double minded, no, not before his arrival. No. And once it was confirmed that he had a ticket for the bus which leaves the city at a comfortable time, I was tempted to change my travel plan.
It was me who suggested that I would also like to travel along in the bus. First ploy of fate! Should have realized! I dint and made to cancel the already booked train-ticket and asked for the same bus. Second ploy- when all trains are running full for another week or so, is it not surprising to get a ticket in a bus for the next day? I was as usual a victim to prank of laws-of- life, this time around too. Was very much elated that I could manage a travel with him! When am I again to meet him after this week, so was pretty much determined that the little time we had together we should be together.
Maybe it is mentioned in the logs of destiny that I should not be too excited for such things and that euphoria is short lived. To prove this popped a message from him ‘I’m traveling by air this weekend’. Project pressures! I don’t know how well to describe how I felt that instance. It is not always that, only when big dreams are shattered it pains so much. Even when small, meaningless fantasies are broken, it hurts too. At that moment when I was trying to come to terms with the reality came a call from the travel agent, ‘Bus ticket confirmed. Seats H1, H2.Please collect!
What else can u call this apart from a stupid, in-sensitive plot of some one above? How else can u reason this?
And a message to top it all, ‘I feel sorry about the travel. Really really really sorry’. What more can he say and what more can I expect him to say!
Or what can anybody say!
Another taste of disappointment! But of things that life has taught me, it has surprisingly and conveniently failed to teach me to cope with this one particular emotion.
P.S: This blog comes coz as D.H Lawrence once said "My creativity is at its best, when I’m busy hating something fiercely". Maybe this is not as creative as it is supposed to be. But c’mon one can’t be expected to write best when one is in a towering temper and has no better way to vent out the boiling feeling. The temper is because there is no one to actually blame on and ease the disappointment.

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