Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Always together, forever apart

She was standing there, as if frozen, looking at the entrance, in the hope, that her continued staring would make him come back, bring him back. It was mid-afternoon, long time after the flight carrying him had departed. Yet, she stood there transfixed, focusing on a spot on the ground, where hours before, perhaps weeks and years before, he had been, before leaving from her life forever. That flight was transporting someone, whom she never would see again and the one whom she wished to see every minute of her living time, or the very least, see him in life and soul, just one more time. Just once! It did not matter, anyway, as they had, in their relationship, have gone beyond the point of no return, a day before his departure. She hated him for that; for leaving her stranded; for abandoning her. It was beyond her comprehension, the reason for his abrupt leaving. No words were spoken, no feelings expressed and he just left, plainly. Things were going so well between them that she couldn’t convince herself of one explanation, for why he would want out. She found it hard to believe. She felt tired; physically and mentally. It appeared as if all her strength and her will to live had boarded the plane along with him. All the while she was harboring a slight, foolish, hope that he would surely come back, though deep down, knowing that it was not possible. It was surreal and she didn’t want to accept it. Since the day that she had known that he was leaving, or more accurately left her while in presence, she was like the way she was there that day, distant and detached. She had thought, that maybe all that had happened, would take some time to sink in or perhaps would hit her unexpectedly. Right then, she realized that, that all these while, that was what she was waiting for, her final closure, seeing him leave, seeing him taken away from her. Numbness had gone, to make way for the feeling of desperation and insecurity, which seemed to grip every nerve. She felt almost lonely. She reflected back on the past, on their times spent together. Remembering the spoken words, the shared thoughts and the life lived, made her acknowledge that they would all be just memories, ghosts of the once wonderful life. An acute chill seemed to spread on her. But, she knew, however small and short lived that might have been, they have shared something hugely significant to both of them. And that small glow helped, to some extent, to dispel the pressing gloom. She needs to plough through. She needs to overcome it. She felt nauseous. She knew it had nothing to do with him leaving. It was due to something, a part of him, he had left behind, with her, in her. After all, he did not abandon her entirely.

In the background: Tune

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