மனம் எனும் யந்திரம்

ஏதோ யோசித்து..ஏதோ கூறி
கேள்விகள் பல...பதில்கள் தேடி
நினைத்த‌தை ம‌ற‌ந்து, ம‌ற‌ந்த‌தை க‌ச‌ப்போடு நினைத்து
ஏதோ ஓர் தேட‌லில்...எங்கோ ஒரு திசையில்
சிதறலாய் இந்த பதிவுகள்....

It might sting!

Is it taboo, to express concern over another’s excess caffeine or unhealthy food consumption? If one doesn’t mind telling million times to get through and make the other listen to their request for attention over the issue, does it show love or the ‘need to control’? Is the constant telling the problem, or matter of expressing is itself a problem? Is it prescribed that one should only remain calm, when witnessing another’s error of judgment in a matter of life and death? Is self hygiene not a must? And in those cases when it is missed, if reminding that, makes one arrogant and superior, then is it not unfair? When does the concern cross the line to become control? Since when did caring and over-powering get mixed up? Was it when indifference and ‘giving the needed space’ become synonymous? Is a slight variation from the state of ‘giving free rein’ directly take one to ‘dominance’? Where is the elusive harmony? If being flexible and accommodating makes ones a loser, then that is an obscene sense of sense. Even more offensive is mistaking control over concern. But the winner in this odious category would be the word-proof attitude – “Say all you want. Watch me pretend to listen and see me do what I feel like doing. You’d rather, save your breath”. When one craves for another to hold hands and enjoy the magical full moon view from the air plane, with no questions asked, but just soaking in the moment, is that a tall request? HOW does that fall into the bucket of ‘Don’t try to change me from the person I’m into someone I’m not’? YOU ARE EXPECTED TO CHANGE. ATLEAST MAKE AN EFFORT. How does prompting one to improve their quality of standard, for personality improvement, make them to feel claustrophobic? Does anything dictate that one should just witness the stagnation and be content with it, rather than to raise a voice and speak? If that’s so, then all beliefs and notions, about relationships, are passé! Then there would be no hope for growth and development, any further! Just passion would not sustain interest, through and through. Is it too much, to expect, from another, the same amount of crude concern, in all areas? Does demanding the same interest as expressed by one, from another, too much? Really, how much is too much? I don’t understand.

english-tamil

I think.
நான் நினைக்கிறேன்

I think you think.
நான் நினைக்கிறேன் நீ நினைக்கிறாய் என்று

I think you think I think you think.
நான் நினைக்கிறேன் நீ நினைப்ப‌தை நான் நினைக்கிறேன் என்று நீ நினைப்பதாய்

Do you?
நினைக்கிறாயா?

Do you think I think?
நான் நினைக்கிறேன் என்று நினைக்கிறாயா?

Do you think I think you think?
நான் நீ நினைப்பதாக நினைக்கிறேன் என்று நீ நினைக்கிறாயா?

Do you think I think you think I think you think?
நீ நினைப்பதை நான் நினைக்கிறேன் என்று நான் நினைப்பதை நீ நினைக்கிறாயா?

I do.. Just chekin'
என்னை போலா நீ?

In the background: Concept

Sincerely..,

என் வாழ்வில் நீ வரும் முன், நான் எவனோ ஒருவன்
நீ வந்ததால் நான் ஒரு பண்பான மனிதன்
உன்னாலே உன்னாலே இன்று நான் பறக்கும் மனிதன்
ஆம், உன் நினைவுகளில் மிதக்கும் பறவை நான்~

Drought is destitute, but I had the dew..,

.....Something profound stops me from my next words. One of these days, I will not stop at this juncture. My pledge to you will not hold me down and I will let the world know what transpired in that letter. Well, perhaps, tomorrow.

That tomorrow has indeed arrived!

My dearest,

I don't know what I want to write, and I’m only half aware about what I'm writing. But I'm writing this nevertheless, because I wanted to talk to you and tell you about all this and I know that if I don't do it now, then it’s going to be never. This is not a postmortem of the events or eulogy to it. Just feel like saying it. That's all.

The past two months had been like a dream. And today when I'm looking back at what has happened I'm feeling as if I'm being somebody else. What made me say all that I said, what made me want all that I wanted, I still don't know. When I was all lonely and lost, you shone on me like a beacon. It was as if magically confounded by the glow of that friendship, I began trusting you, deeply, blindly. And one day, when you said what you felt, it was as if like a wake- up-call, awakening my senses, rousing me off my dreams into the present, consciously realizing what I had know all along. You were the resonance in my veins. You were my sunshine. You were singularly special. You were specifically lovely. You were one of the sweetest of hearts I knew. Though only for a few days that it lasted, I felt wanted, I felt comforted and protected. I felt nice. It was a kind of chill feeling, something new and something different. I smiled, I rejoiced and I lived in harmony with my self and the world. I thank God, for those days. However short-lived you may claim your emotions were, I know and I wish it were true and sincere.

You were my main.

But the wake-up-call became the knell. And now that I have walked past the beacon, my darker side precedes my every stride. Threatening shadows all around me. May be the “yes-angels” heard your 'No's more than they heard my 'Please's. Things changed in rapid succession, in a gruesome way. Whom I though would be there to wipe off my tears, made me cry my heart out! It pained and it still pains me so much, thinking about how my life would have been with the person I dearly loved. You dismissed a heart that loved you, that thought you were indulgent, elemental and life. Sure, you have pushed me to extremes, played me with words, confided my very personals-only you ought to know stuff -with others, neglected, insulted and chided me. I know, I have let you treat me in the most demeaning of ways possible, but I let you do that anyways, because I believed I loved you. I have spent some tears, not lamenting on my love not being reciprocated, but for the pain I'm putting myself through with all the drama. But my heart was like the soft rubber ball you throw away from you. However harassed and humiliated the ball might feel, it will dutifully came back to you. So did my heart. And sometimes when I think that I'm the most pained one on earth and there is no more pain one can feel, I remember your story and instantly my heart aches and cries for you. And that made me believe in my love, even more so. Your denial was a kind of chill feeling, something new and something different, in a varied sense all together. I cried, I struggled and I lived in total dishonesty with my self and the world. I thank God, for those days. However tough it was, it was the most precious, humbling and enlightening experience for me so far.

You are my void.

I treasure the memories - your tiny eyes, the dark rimmed glasses, those lovely cute smiles, the accidental touches, those blushes, and the undeniable truth - hard and bitter. They say love is a slow poison, a silent killer. If I believe that, then the poison you induced in me, of which I still feel I have traces left, will one day be out of my system. The poison now scorching my being to the very core and soul will only go on till it has something left to gnaw upon; and it will eventually leave me, right? Then, I will smile again. Some stray chords will remind me of these days and what I potentially might have lost. In memory of that memory, as a respect, will spend few tears and some silent moments. Life will go on, but every minute I will realize, I'm poorer without you. I have let go of you, as the person I loved, as the person I wanted. But to have you as a person I befriended, I have exerted myself beyond myself, but I'm not sure how successful I'm and how comfortable I'm with this new phase.

Our friendship was pure. Belonging was true. You are the best, one of my best. I loved you. I held you dear. Your name will be in all my silent prayers. I thank God, for you.

You can reply me back with your silence, or you can choose to tell how you feel, but please never say, 'sorry'.

I would love to keep in touch, not to remember, but to forget.

Love,

Me

In the background: Tune

We left us thus..,

I once wrote a letter. It was my wild endeavor to hold my right; my degradation, my pride, my happiness, and my anguish. I wrote about when I felt, what I felt and fairly how I felt. I wrote that after an unfortunate day when I got to know, what there was to know. It was not meant to be a full stop, we were not history, not yet, but in a twisted way it was a mixture of both and more, as the premature abortion of a certain affection was mutually acquiesced. Where do I go from a dead end, alone? Only logical to retrace the steps to a point, where there was relief to the suffocation, where there was enough strength to pick up and plough through, or so, one might say. Can I ever reach that cross roads, with all heart, mind and soul? I had an inch of doubt. What was making it so tough to let-go of the phantom was beyond my comprehension. That was until yesterday. Now, today, I know what to do. The driver for change in attitude is either I subconsciously, know the cause, or simply I don’t care anymore. I decide to sever some of the ties that entwine me to that particular past. I now dare to bare a tiny piece of my soul to others. A rash act of inviting strangers into the ambit, only one had tread. This is purely in the light of the search for that final, absolute closure; to lose the ghost of the past, in an attempt to win it back, morphed into a more pleasing confidant. Here, my ghost, I’m ready to break the promise and go against all your prior confrontations. But you be comforted, knowing that I’m in a better place now. Reliving those ethereal memories one more time, and then I will be done. What a consternation of soul was mine that dreary afternoon! How all my brain was in tumult, and all my heart in insurrection! Yet in what darkness, what dense ignorance, was the mental battle fought! I could not answer the ceaseless inward question--why I thus suffered; now at the distance of--I will not say how many years, I see it clearly. Something profound stops me from my next words. One of these days, I will not stop at this juncture. My pledge to you will not hold me down and I will let the world know what transpired in that letter. Well, perhaps, tomorrow.

(Italicized from Wuthering Heights)

In the background: Tune

Diversity in unity

(W is just getting back from work)
H: Hey, how was your day? What took you so long?
W: Day was okay. How was yours? Looks like you came home early
H: How did you know?
W: (looking around at the slightly messy room)
H: (seeing her look around) Well, yeah. (Smiles and hands over coffee)
(Later, at the dinner table)
W: How do you manage to make such mess in this short time?
H: What mess? You mean this (waving around the room)? This is not messy. It is okay!
W: (murmurs)No, its not!
H: Hmm?
W: Why don’t you keep the things back from where you took them?
H: I don’t know! I don’t need to, for I can perfectly find my things from wherever I put them (Gives her a mocking look).
W: (stares) No, its not how it is supposed to be. That attitude makes you more slovenly.
H: Pst! It’s perfectly alright. This ‘supposed to’ thing is all made up by us, rather you. We can bend that around, whenever we want.
W: That’s not the only thing.
H: (Walking with the dishes to the kitchen)What?
W: (Cleaning up)We are so different in many aspects. Don’t you see?
H: Yeah. That’s cause we are two different individuals...
W: ... who are together. Okay, let me ask you this, how far do you plan the future.
H: To ask, ‘What’s for lunch tomorrow?’ I don’t plan as far as ‘Which college would our kids go to’
W: Not only that, but we are fundamentally different. While I prefer being a home pigeon you roam around like a wild bird.
H: (walking back to the living room) Hahaha. This is fun. I got one. You relax with your music and books while I unwind with sports.
W: (following him into the room, with a little sad look) I have expressed so many time that to me words and expression matters, while you argue ‘it’s the thought that counts’. Difference!
H: (hooking up the laptop) So? Even in this discussion, see, you are getting emotional while I try to ‘bend and survive’
W: (bit confused)Well, yeah I seem to be resisting.
H: Hmm hmm! (Settles on the couch and starts playing some archived match)
W: What do you conclude?
H: (distracted) ... hmm ... that we are rooted together, branching differently?
W: I would say, we are exclusive in all our interests.
H: (without looking up)You could say that.
W: That doesn’t bother you, the way it bothers me? Well, I think you don’t care enough to feel this way.
H: (mutes match, looks up to see she is upset) Come here. Come here!
W: Hmph!
H: Lookey here, now, if I act, react in the same way as you do, who will be there to console you? (little seriously)If you too are like me, who will be there to pull me back when I go overboard with some of my choices?
W: Hmm!
H: These slight differences are those that make our lives easier. They give us enough spaces to grow... new choices to indulge in. These variations are what attract us toward each other.
W: Hmm! Blah... blah... blah (evidently satisfied)
H: (winking) Else, who will love u the way I do…for all your eccentricities
W: Overkill! (hugging)
H: (smiling) Okay... go... its time for your CSI.
W: (teasingly) Why, your match resumes after break?
H: Yea... that too!
W: HMPRHHH (walks away smiling)

In the background: Tune

Always together, forever apart

She was standing there, as if frozen, looking at the entrance, in the hope, that her continued staring would make him come back, bring him back. It was mid-afternoon, long time after the flight carrying him had departed. Yet, she stood there transfixed, focusing on a spot on the ground, where hours before, perhaps weeks and years before, he had been, before leaving from her life forever. That flight was transporting someone, whom she never would see again and the one whom she wished to see every minute of her living time, or the very least, see him in life and soul, just one more time. Just once! It did not matter, anyway, as they had, in their relationship, have gone beyond the point of no return, a day before his departure. She hated him for that; for leaving her stranded; for abandoning her. It was beyond her comprehension, the reason for his abrupt leaving. No words were spoken, no feelings expressed and he just left, plainly. Things were going so well between them that she couldn’t convince herself of one explanation, for why he would want out. She found it hard to believe. She felt tired; physically and mentally. It appeared as if all her strength and her will to live had boarded the plane along with him. All the while she was harboring a slight, foolish, hope that he would surely come back, though deep down, knowing that it was not possible. It was surreal and she didn’t want to accept it. Since the day that she had known that he was leaving, or more accurately left her while in presence, she was like the way she was there that day, distant and detached. She had thought, that maybe all that had happened, would take some time to sink in or perhaps would hit her unexpectedly. Right then, she realized that, that all these while, that was what she was waiting for, her final closure, seeing him leave, seeing him taken away from her. Numbness had gone, to make way for the feeling of desperation and insecurity, which seemed to grip every nerve. She felt almost lonely. She reflected back on the past, on their times spent together. Remembering the spoken words, the shared thoughts and the life lived, made her acknowledge that they would all be just memories, ghosts of the once wonderful life. An acute chill seemed to spread on her. But, she knew, however small and short lived that might have been, they have shared something hugely significant to both of them. And that small glow helped, to some extent, to dispel the pressing gloom. She needs to plough through. She needs to overcome it. She felt nauseous. She knew it had nothing to do with him leaving. It was due to something, a part of him, he had left behind, with her, in her. After all, he did not abandon her entirely.

In the background: Tune

I want to be able

I want to be able to write, anything, when I want, where I want and however I want.

I should be capable of writing exactly how I think.

I wish I could put all the emotions I envision on paper, exactly in the same way.

I want to be able to strike a balance between the way I want to write and what I want to write and be able to stick with it, through the time I struggle to pen down what I want to write in the way I want.

I would really like to write in such a way, my friends would love; would talk about and would come back to read more of it.

I want to think and put forth my ideas independent of the style of the authors I read.

When people read what I write, they should feel and be the thing I had written about.

No subject of a matter should be a problem to write about for I should be able to put in words.

The need to be anonymous should no longer exist, for I should be able to disguise all identities with my words.

Never a draught, never a surplus, but exactly right should be the point of my style.

A hint of self, hint of personal memories should not pepper my work.

I crave to be able to write, anything, when I want, where I want and however I want.

In the background: Tune

Horrible surprise!

Why does she have to out him? Why? Why...WHY??? It's come more of a shock than his death, more shocking than Snape's evergreen love of Lily? Dumbledore as a character, lives and lives in my heart as one of the best potrayed and loved, until yesterday. She need'nt have said anything about anything about anybody.

And people, supposedly fans say, "By dubbing someone so respected, so talented and so kind, as someone who just happens to be also homosexual, she's reinforcing the idea that a person's gayness is not something of which they should be ashamed." OMG!

Who next? Perhaps, Sirius?

But I got to say, this line surely plucks the heart!"Falling in love can blind us to an extent (would) horribly, terribly let (us) down!"

Update: This seem to be quite an insight! Hear, hear!

Rendition

Is it another rendition of Roja?

Something I wanted to say metamorphosed to this

There are varied people around us. Each one with slightly unique characteristics, behavior, views on right or wrong and different approach to different things. As we come across each of these characters, they rub some of themselves onto us. We become aware of things that we might have missed to notice till then; our likes dislikes might get changed, or, maybe not. Yet, the undeniable thing in this subject is that each person we come to face in life have in one way or the other, be it big or minute, have had caused the slightest of change in us, within us. Of course, it is up to us to accept or neglect the influence. Either ways, each entity in the picture is as important as the other to provide the overall image an attraction and meaning.

Have you wondered, why should someone come into my life, why should I feel about them the way I feel about them, and why should it all have the ending it has or why should I miss them this bad that it hurts to even think about them? I have come across such people, of whose presence in my life, I can never hide nor forget. I have had my share of good friends, shabby relationships, bitter memories and soul touching moments. I do, yes, I do think it is some power much greater than all of us that has had a hand in such incidents / accidents. I can’t say enough about how fascinating this whole design is - each one of the concerned people think their versions of those incidents and are satisfied with that. It is not a wonder, that sometimes when two or more of those versions merge there comes out some sparks. To me, personally, these versions exist solely on the simple concept, that all of us have our own image of every other person we come across. We see someone so macho and imagine them to be strong and fearless, but when we realize they are scared of flower pollen, our image of them gets tarnished, and when that someone comes to know of our tarnished imagine of them, their image of us gets smudged as well. Even in the personal front, I started this write up to be a foreword as something else, but this has become a post on its own. Who is it say, if it is the way things should be?

My opinion is - the most complex of all the science is to analyze how the human mind and heart works. Not the nerves and emotions, but the package as a whole. I guess this is what makes us different from robots. I believe this is why human mind cannot directly be equated to some constants and variables of a programming language and executed in the motive of getting desired output. I mean, each one has that control, to some extent, within themselves. And in some case using some variable emotions as global variable to override someone else’s local variable, we can achieve desired results. But that’s about it. Only He got the power, the Admin - who else can get a hold on the whole access roles.

Motivating Proverb?

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day!

I heard. I'm saying 'YAY'

You go girl!!

Crowing glory!

Gloom

I wake up every morning, in the hope of not seeing you. But you are right in front of me, just like every other damn day. These past months I wonder, ‘Will I ever be free of your company?’ You are there, every hour of every day and lately have successfully slithered into my thoughts too. Initially I never wanted to give your presence any acknowledgement, but you act like an itch I’m ignoring to scratch. There is no denying that you are determined to trouble me, but for how long? Because of you, and your continual companionship, I feel distracted and I’m unable to concentrate on books, music or any other simple activities. It’s affecting my life in areas you wouldn’t have imagined. Relationships are strained and numerous backlogs at work. It’s been days since I had a normal conversation with loved ones or anyone, and I can easily trace back the start of such behavior to your initial appearances of what would be the contiguous spell of misery. It’s not very healthy, don’t you think? When will you understand that such uninvited presence is not well received with me? You have put me through various test and trials, and you be informed they are painful. I have silently suffered the past months, but now I’m tired. I’m weak! I beg, you please leave and return just once in a while, and then I will bear with you, I promise, without any grudge. Ah, I forgot. Yes, I’m scared! Do you realize that your continuous presence will eventually kill me? I’m concerned about my family and importantly myself and our relationship. I never had any clue that things could have been awry. You never gave me any warning, or is this a warning? Whatever it is, please understand, your absence will not be missed, for a while. So, please be gone, for now! But knowing you as I know, I know you wouldn’t leave just immediately, because I said so, but, c’mon it’s been months already. Every night I go to bed disappointed- on another day spent like this, worrying, and I wake up every morning, in the hope of not seeing you, again!

To say is easier

It's interesting to read, 'Why worry about tomorrow, when all you have got is today?'.

Neurotic

I need something right now, right at this moment, to calm my sparking nerves. I don’t know what I am really angry about, but I’m very, very upset about something. Today is one of those days, where even a slightest provocation could kindle the “sleeping volcano” inside. My back hurts very badly and I hate my couch, bed and chair. I hate the patronizing ‘wemails’, a scheming way to suck up more blood. I despise the cold fog settling in and I don’t like the damp feeling inside the house because of this. I dislike depending on someone, really anyone, for anything. Lately, I’m wanting to be a part of something, knowing I would hate being part of. I’m hearing things whose knowledge I’m better off without. I’m obsessing about wanting to be something; well, not as soon as in a blink of an eye, but in the duration of maybe, I don’t know, as soon as possible? I’m foolishly, planning and dreaming of being something, I’m not yet. At the moment, I ardently hate most of things around - smiling faces, whispering voices, the rain that’s pounding the windows, the chill in my feet, someone’s indecent overdose of cologne and my current disposition. Somehow the loud creaking noise from the neighbors chair, the dog’s barks and the scratch of sharp tip against the white board, the loud slurping of coffee by the person in the next cubicle, fail to me annoy me today. I can go on listing it and I don’t feel like doing that. I’m hungry; I’m too depressed to think about cooking; and I’m also angry at all the food supplies available at home/ office. Ah the house! The house is so messed up, aided generously by the other half. And weirdly I’m finding calm in cleaning up the messy trail. I want to quit, take a break and rather stay away. The question is ‘really from what?’ The list of books to read is piling up, the tasks at work are my high, and the expected social obligations are far pending. All these negativity shows in my talk and the loved ones take the full brunt. And shocking thing is I don’t remember realizing feeling sorry about it. I hate that, I hate myself and I hate life in general. The feeling is like, listening to the ‘singing-sisters of north’ all day and seeing Salman/ Simbhu act for it. In repeat! I want anonymity. I want a life- makeover. I want someone else to live my life!

I wish I would say this from my vantage point

Speaking from the vantage point of ten years, she describes their married life as blissful.

I know what it is to live entirely for and with what I love best on earth. I hold myself supremely blest—blest beyond what language can express; because I am my husband’s life as fully as he is mine. No woman was ever nearer to her mate than I am: ever more absolutely bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh. I know no weariness of my his society: he knows none of mine, any more than we each do of the pulsation of the heart that beats in our separate bosoms; consequently, we are ever together. To be together is for us to be at once as free as in solitude, as gay as in company. We talk, I believe, all day long: to talk to each other is but a more animated and an audible thinking. All my confidence is bestowed on him, all his confidence is devoted to me; we are precisely suited in character—perfect concord is the result.

~ Jane Eyre(Chapter XXXVIII)

In the background: Tune

Apt expression of my emotion!

MY cocoon tightens, colors tease,
I ’m feeling for the air;
A dim capacity for wings
Degrades the dress I wear.

A power of butterfly must be
The aptitude to fly,
Meadows of majesty concedes
And easy sweeps of sky.

So I must baffle at the hint
And cipher at the sign,
And make much blunder, if at last
I take the clew divine.

~ E.D

Accounted?

Does it really count as winning, when you win against a weak opponent or when you win unopposed? And does it count as victory, when you feel guilty about it?

I'm noticing

'Akkam pakkam yaarum illa' and 'Urugude marugudhe' songs have very similar start

"Namma nezhal irukke, adha madhichu thorathina, namma vitu velagi velagi than pogum. Ada che po! nu thirumbi nadandha ozhunga namma pinnadi varum" - This is very true!

This bit of 'Kannodu kaanbadhellam' (0:22s) resembles/is from a very famous Murugan song(0:23s)

In HP, at the end of OoTP how did Snape communicate and alert the order from Hogwarts. If he has used Patronus, did anyone find it wierd that his is a doe? You think atleast Sirius would have noticed that!

Orbit Wintermint tastes like 'Gopal pal podi'

To see someone saying 'Cool' and appear so Un-cool when saying that, watch Sivaji! Can’t comment more on ‘buddy’! I sincerely hope he sticks with things that suit him better - ‘Lakalakalakkkaa’ and such.

Sincere tears can melt anybody

Thinking aloud

I hate it when things don’t go the way I want them to go. Certain things, if it is not like what I had imagined it to be or what I wish it should be, then I don’t like them. Those things may not even be so important or significant enough to be bothering myself with. Like for instance the way I arrange specific objects around my house - if someone happens to change it, I don’t like that. This I can somehow adjust. But when the issues I get touchy about happen to include the people I love, it bothers me, sometimes. Well, to be honest with you, it affects me deeply and it affects me all the time. I have realized it many times, yet, neither have I stopped expecting people to act in the way I like nor do I seem to accept them fully for what they are. It upsets me more. This makes me wonder, is my love for them real or do I only love them for what I think they are. In those instance when I feel disappointed in them for not being to my liking, do I love them less? Is my love for them conditional and tainted? This scares me a lot. Do I see them, to represent me in some way to world and am I embarrassed that I’m not living up to own level; or do I think, during that same situation, had I had a chance truly to myself, I would present myself in some other way, probably a better way, than I’m being partly portrayed by them? Is the fear of, me being poorly judged by the world that disturbs me? Or is it because I’m concerned about the way they would be judged, and ergo I would be looked upon as? Or is it plainly the vile nature of myself to be controlling everything and everybody around?

P.S: May be because of this trait that I hate many books and movies, which are otherwise highly acclaimed.

I'm done

....labeling all my posts so far. All them fell neatly into 14 categories and I'm planning to stick by it for some more time to come. All this being done, no new ideas for a meaningful post. But atleast all those of you who visit this place, attest your presence and leave a line, and if possible any possible develop-able ideas/hints too

Is silver lining a myth?

When you try real hard to stop a certain series of thoughts from surfacing, it more often than not keeps coming up, more often than usual. Sometimes even when least expected. You get depressed, irritable and generally become indifferent to the tasks at hand. Later at some point of time you shake out of them and promise yourself that you will not let the gloom take over you anymore. You relax because you think you are safe now since the thought demon has been beheaded, but you quickly realize that there are more heads in that place now. It will prove more impossible to hold those thoughts at bay, when all you are doing is trying to do is find a quick-fix for the issues. It is like trying not to fall asleep when you are already half asleep, but only a whole lot tougher than that. So when it is slowly creeping up again, you resign and try to at least see the world around that said thought. Yet somehow you end up mulling over the same thing over and over again. In essence, it is something just like this post -making no sense, but struggling to make it anyway.

O.K.A.Y, really?

Monica : Just wanna see if you're okay.
Rachel : Wanna know if I'm okay? Okay! Wanna know if I'm okay? Okay! Let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys take all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell I'm okay, okay?

Couldn't agree more!

Newest addition

...to my list of favourite people in the world.

Welcome to the world dear boy!

Shreyas is the packet of joy gifted to a wonderful pair - Harini and Mukund - on July 19th.

And its now....

a HUNDRED!!!

All was well.

*** Spoiler alert!! *** Beware of, spoilers!! ***

Finished HPDH, a week after the release. It is an interesting read, no doubt. It has lots to offer and a whole bunch of outstanding questions are beautifully answered. There are answers and some are satisfying too, while making everything else seem liquefied. In the vision to cram so much information into the story, the author compromise its usual glamour, leading to drags in the flow. The usual magical appeal is missing and there are a few glitches which definetly would not go unnoticed.

One of the main let down of this book, I would say, is the epilogue – both cheesy and clichéd. A great and a highly addictive, new world epic should have a memorable and soul touching last words, shouldn’t it?


The book is dripping with blood as so many characters are prematurely finished off. Surprisingly none of these deaths evoke any kind of sympathy or sadness. Maybe because there are many such episodes or maybe the story did not dwell longer than few cursory expressions before moving on to something else, I don’t know. It appears as if, just to increase the body count and make the War at Hogwarts gory that Lupin and Tonks die. No account whatsoever on how they are killed or who kills them, is provided. They make me go like, "Okay, one more falls down", even for Fred, who happens to be one of my favorite people. Hedwig, Moody and Colin never even get a second mention. And what is equally mediocre is Harry’s reactions to that – other than the customary stomach drops, air in lungs froze and each step felt heavy etcs, there is nothing more to it. But it is interesting to note that all Marauders and DADA teachers up until the point are dead (Lockhart fate unknown). I wonder if there is anything more to this than I can perceive.

Surprisingly Snape's death is heart wrenching, deep and mysterious. Portrayed as an exceptional potions maker, an Occlumency extraordinaire and a master spy shouldn’t he at least have put up a fight without meekly submitting himself to die? Though shrouded in doubts, his death comes out as powerful as Sirius’s. Much more interesting is Snape’s unrequited love for Lilly. I did not see that coming, I swear! His last look at Harry’s eye says about his love than any other memory of his. But there is absolutely no details on how Snape migrates from being Lilly's best friend to a nobody (just because he called her a mudblood? Unacceptable) or how a toe-rag ends up as husband. Read this somewhere about Snape - "He gave his heart to a woman who could never be his, his soul to a man who betrayed his trust, and his life to a cause that wanted him dead." Absolutely true! Snape is truly the hero in the story, as he exhibits all channels of emotions and does it appealingly well too. His arrogance, his love, his stubborn and strictness are all , well, Snape-y, who made Dumbledore promise that his secret will not be made public, thereby taking his goodness to grave.

All the wars and Horcurxes has left some story points unattended. There are many plot flaws and contradictions, back and forth. We hear Dumbleldore himself saying at the end of HP-OOTP that no one, not even wizards can bring back the dead. Then from where comes the concept of Resurrection Stone? How many Horcruxes are there, actually? 7.5? Is it the diary, ring, chain, cup, diadem, snake, Harry and then Voldermort? Anyways, we never get to see what happened to Fawkes? How did Aberfoth get the other piece of Sirius's mirror? We hear from Dumbledore that Parseltongue, is a rare gift at birth, then how did it become easy enough to imitate? It is slightly too much to take how Harry gets people to do his bidding, take Griphook for instance; Also just pleading and shouting at Helena, Harry gets all the information but it is where Dumbledore himself has said to have failed. So whatever feeble reasoning the author gives for these people just opening up to Harry doesn’t seem to hold, does it? Why did no one from the OOTP, other than Snape contact the portrait of Dumbledore? When it is planned that Snape would convey Harry's true departure time to Voldermont which somehow leads to Moody's death, what is that sacrifice for? Greater good!? And what’s with the new flying thing of Voldermont, just some masala?These doubts makes the book seem shallow.And what's with Lilly's blood/protection - it went inside Harry when she dies, and now it went inside Voldermont when he rebirthed?(God~ and I was wishing she would come up with something more imaginative). But finally the answer to the Gleam of Triumph!

Ah! I almost forgot the major disturbing factor - it is about Dumbledore and Ron's wavering character depiction. Dumbledore, who takes modest-pride in making brilliant plans, (which he sure does, his plans runs for 7 books) is shown to exhibit streaks of insecurity. He is presented in this book as someone who looks up for words of consolations and as someone who wishes other’s to reinforce the fact that his moves are in fact correct. More than his dark past, this one character change affected me personally. I mean I can understand how sometimes power and long life can be such a pull. It makes him seem human, than being just a know-all-seen-all-blemishless mentor. But to me it is unacceptable that Dumbledore who is all along revered a true hero, at climax starts doubting his intentions. Or could it be this exact nature that made him steer clear of power? It's all murky. Next come Ron, who of many other things is very loyal. Yes, he was jealous and he is insecure and jumpy, but he always shows grit, and never would abandon his friends just on impulse. (Now if I think of it, somehow the story flow makes this abandonment acceptable. Good writing?) That being said about the author, I couldn’t help but notice the LOTR stain, more prominently than ever.


I disagree how Voldermont is shown, especially in this. Voldermont is said be one of the greatest sorcerers of all time. But some time, his actions makes me think, ‘Is he really that dumb for not understanding even simple things?’ For instance he must have known about the RoR/ RoHT - when he was safe-keeping the stuff he must have noticed that the room is full of hidden things by other students or must have been aware that Draco used that exact room the previous year. The argument that he is arrogant, he does not believe anyone and operates alone, dosent mean he can relax, be laid back and expect his Death Eaters to do all the protecting without telling them to even protect in the first place. It’s a part of his soul FCOL. If he can have Inferi, a small wizard-count-detecting boat and all such protection for the Slytherin chain, why is the Diadem throw unceremoniously with centuries of junk?

All things aside, the story/book did have great ideas and turning points. The Taboo concept was neat! Another great revelation is about Harry and Voldrmont being somehow related - Harry is a living descendant of Peveralls and that's who Gaunt claims himself to be too! And it is about time Bellatrix died(Now I can rest in peace), for killing Sirius and its a suprise coming from sweet Molly! Sad that Greyback is left unfinished. Although no Quidditch and Hogwarts classes, it is brilliantly compensated with the landing in RoR and the Diadem search respectively. Wormtail hesitates in doing the bad act and Harry does Crucios - interesting situations. Also it is nice how Harry does Expelliarmus even at the last moment of the war. Signature touch!! So is the Dumbledore's appearance, in the Dead world/ King's cross to deliver the "Moral of the Story". Kreacher - a nice character development, by the way. Luna and Neville are excellently portrayed. I always like Neville and I'm glad he is given a chance to destroy a Horcrux.

It is very heartening to note certain applaudable qualities like friendship, loyalty and such virtues strewn all around in the book. One such instance is Dumbledore's dark experiments (not dark, gray, I would say) and his vow to stay away from power in the future. Harry, on whose shoulder the whole burden of protecting wizarding world and to some extent the whole world lie, is shown to succumbs to love-grief, jealousy and temptations, just like any other person. This goes to show that he, Ron and Hermione, though they are famous, are just 3 normal people (or 1.5 normal family..hehehe).

To sum up, I would say, this is magic, alright. But not the usual Harry magic! That being said, it’s sad that there will be no more HP to expect. (Silver lining is this. Can’t wait)! The feeling is very deep, like a void, when someone close to your heart leaves town. Yeah true we can visit each other, phone, and mail etc, but it’s not like sharing each other’s experiences first hand. It’s like when FRIENDS ended. And I find that weird, but as Dumbledore says, "Of course it is happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" Don’t know for which book in future I will be sacrificing my meals and sleeps, just so I can complete before the lot. Oh! I’m off to reading it one more time, now.

BTW, here is a link from where Voldermont can pick up some help. All in good humor!

I happened to meet

him, yesterday. I and 2 of my colleagues were having dinner.As current as I'm with current affairs and politics, I did not recognize who he was. It was nearing closing time and we were the only two parties there. When he was preparing to leave, he just came to our table and said, "Oh by the way, I'm running for Presidency, and here is my card". The only thing I managed to say was "That's.......wow!" He left his card on our table and started chitchatting about India and his projects in Pondicherry. Just a few minutes later, bid goodbye and left. I guess, what I’m trying to say is, something about this incident is very simple and pleasing. Wonder what that is!

HP & DH

This is interesting!!

These kinds of stuff makes the wait worthwhile!

TG for F

Life is short,give me more Fridays!

The rain must fall.

The setting is such; there is a dull glow of yellow light emitting from the corner of the dais on which she is seen holding a man’s hands. The music is soft flowing and they are both dancing slowly. The audience seemingly enjoying this scene are in a relaxed mood. There is a slight smile on her lips. The man is looking deeply into her soft moist eyes and they appear so much in love with each other. They are enigmatic yet a simple couple whom everyone can easily connect to. A gentle breeze riffles through their hairs, adding to the romance. In the faint light only they both are visible, as the rest of stage is hidden behind the smoke. The picture makes for perfect serenity - him, her and the people. The music stops for a split second and then continues. They are still dancing in rhythm to the mellifluous music.
The music is softly yet steadily gaining tempo and the dancers, who are holding each other in a tight embrace, start to part gradually. This causes the audience to perk up a little. A thin layer of sadness crosses her radiant face only for moment and the next instance she is her same smiling self. His face has hardened a bit, reflecting that he has made up his mind to do something. She appears to be deep in concentration. The pair is now nicely far apart and they are holding just one hand. She begins to twirl around him. The music is gathering momentum and so is she. The audience feel this is a preparation for something important and are starting to pay more attention. They closely follow her, her movements and expressions.

She is twirling and twirling and eyes of those who follow her begin to sting. The music crescendoes here and so is the pulse of the audience. Her red skirt rises up and down in sync with her movements, symbolizing the nature of emotions flooding through her. It’s evident that she wants to return to the safety, cozy and warmth of the previous second, but she also experiences an insane drive that makes her want to dwell on a certain thing that she had left behind. She appears tired and weak, but the passion is unmistakable; adrenaline is pulping and the tension grips the audience too. She is holding on to her man and is trying to reach for something on the other end. No one can see what it is and they wonder if its worth so much struggle and pain. But as she keeps on going, her dedication makes them realize it should probably mean a lot to her. Some of them want her to reach that something which she desires so much and which keeps eluding her; some just want her to be done with it, as they are not able to witness the ordeal and the agony she seems to be feeling. She is oblivious to all this.
Then slowly an arm appears from the dark, like from past and beyond. She is distracted from her twirls and she shows signs of reaching for the darkness. Only she seems to be able to look beyond the arm, but the audience are just satisfied that there is someone out there at the other end to hold her, because she is too precious to be sucked up in the dark. It’s like the moon and the earth each in harmony with themselves and then suddenly as if the moon decides to reach for another planet to orbit around. It is such an emotional moment and most of them are sort of embarrassed to see such a private emotion put out in public.
Smoke rises from the dais. She continues twirling around her man, firmly holding to his hand. It’s clearly a scene of turmoil of a woman wanting to let go but willing not to. The music is building up in an alarming rate and so does her twirl. When it feels like no one can take any more swelling of the music (her motion is making some people dizzy), it suddenly stops. It comes as such a shock to the people and they take a moment to recognize where they actually are. Like the music, she too has come to an abrupt halt. And as if trying to orient she starts to reach for the arm extending towards her from beyond.
The man has come to a halt too and is steady as a statue. They are still firmly holding a hand. She is slowly extending her left arm to reach her calling from the dark, which for whatever reason seems far away than before. To reach that she moves her feet further apart stretching herself to the maximum extent but the previous interlock seems to be holding her back. She relaxes the grip and is only in a state of feather touch with her partner. Though their contact is in the slightest of touch possible, more like there is no touching at all, his hand moves wherever her’s moved. Only love can make this possible. Now, she is in-between both men. There is absolute silence in the room. Even the dark hand has stopped moving.
She is just a thin distance away and one slight move must bring contact and she presses her finger tip against the new hand. Naturally, everyone is expecting a holding, after all the trouble she faced. Yet, suddenly she goes still. Looking intently, some see a tear drop just clinging to her eye lids. It rolls down onto the floor. The silence in the room is such that the sound of that tear drop makes an echo. Those who understand feel their eyes burn. Funny, how a drop of water can start a fire. The reverberation causes shivers in many. She keeps her eyes fixed in the darkness, where the hand is no longer visible.
All of a sudden, she seems to fumble. At the exact same moment her man takes the liberty of tugging onto the fingers, which a few short seconds ago let go of his own, and sweetly pulls her to himself. She lets him pull her and when they are in a hug she abruptly looks at him, in a new, grateful way, and smiles. And that says a million thanks. The music starts slowly again.

In the background:Tune

Never mind - 11

One asks, "Does the fact that you are married, stops you?", and another answers, "The fact, I feel that I’m married, stops me."

Do they mean the same or are they essentially different??

Reflecting on the past..,

I happen to be looking at my old play-list, and I’m wondering what was I thinking when I created it. I put it together around this time last year and I remember playing this list even in repeat mode sometimes. Back then, every time I heard them, I felt they exactly mimicked my feelings and swore words wouldn’t get any truer.

Ninaivillai enbaya? Nijamillai enbaya?
Nee ena solvai anbae?
Uyir thozhan enbaya? Vazhippokkan enbaya?
Vidai enna solvai anbae?
Saanjaadum suriyane, chandiranai azha vaiththai
Sogam yean solvaya?
Senthazam poovukkul puyal ondrai vara vaithai
Ennagum solva?

Agreed, this one is a nice song, but can’t say the same thing about this and this. A revelation, play-lists reveal state of mind.

Never minds - 10

Why is that the anticipation is more interesting than the actual adventure? Why is that that we end up talking a great deal about the event and never bother about the thrill leading up to it?

Never minds - 9

"IF"

If there were no ifs in life would it be better or lame? The reason there is 'if' in life is perhaps because otherwise it would just be 'le' which would be meaningless.

Bachelor Of Social Service

Peek at the current craze

"Rich get richer. Poor get poorer."

"Naan enna bishnas panarathuka parmishan ketean...yeazhaiku sarvis pana thane ketean"

LOL

Through.

I'm done crying.
So said,
the tear drop!

Bakery case!

Check out these links - Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4.

No one can say anything harsher than this to drive home some points. This would have been the exact reaction from a normal person watching that movie. True, in every sense and word. The impersonation is impeccable. The mood and the plot are so accurate. Especially the mocking of punchline-crap "oru thadava mudivu panitenna yen pecha naane keka maaten" with the repartee as “unoda pecha neeya kaeka mattenna apram mathavanga yepidi kepanga?" is just brilliant.

But I feel this and this are totally uncalled for. I guess some politics and power. But it saddens that people can't take some jest, and they have to go and create a huge fuss. For a public personality, one would expect them to be mature enough to take adoration and dislike in their stride. I don’t see them complaining about too many praises and awards. Moreover, the episode is in particular more caustic towards the actor in the movie (in sense, the story, the mannerism, clichés, in short, all the pitfalls of the movie. Well, the whole movie then) but did not target the real life person. Did the actor actually believe that people (general audience, not fans) would love his products, no matter how crappy it was? And it’s hard to sympathize with the so-claimed hurt when coming from the group, whose movie give a feeling of, if you have seen one you have seen it all. Truth be told, the spoof has more variety and interesting pieces than the original. (Aside, the movie is a hit, and has grossed pretty well in BO, which is a shame itself) To be jumpy, and cross at a negative feedback shows nothing but immaturity and cowardice. C’MON. Frankly, the actor has nothing to be angry about. This movie is actually a copy from a movie from another language; that too, to the very last detail, including the actor’s mannerism. It wouldn’t hurt to be taking risk and venturing into something different in the field of acting, rather than to be banking on other people’s success for your own success. Then people would respect you, at least, for that. All I would say is, if you don’t want to be ridiculed don’t be ridiculous.

I don’t understand, how can something be offensive, when it is the fact? Maybe the truth was what was offensive.

Angst.

There is no such thing as gravity.
It's just that, the world sucks.

Where are the friends?

Pick me up!

Nice

This one is good.

Never minds - 8

"God bless you"

When a person sneezes, according to sagunam it is not good to do or start a nice thing. But whats with saying 'theerkayusu'?

Never minds - 7

A person can always choose the way he wants to divulge any information. One has that right, doesn’t one? So, the person can be forthright and express the truth of the matter, or fabricate the content, or plainly deviate and lie. Here he is just exercising his right to pick his mode of disclosure. Then how can lying become an offense and less of a virtue? Or do we just place the other’s right to information before our own choice of expression?

Deeply makes sense.

They say you can fondly remember something that never happened. You see, Flaubert believed that anticipation was the purest form of pleasure, and the most reliable. And that while the things that actually happen to you would invariable disappoint, the things that never happened to you would never dim. Never fade. They would always be engraved in your heart with a sort of sweet sadness.

from D's C

Never minds - 6

Any thing I ever want to say, be it big or minute, has already been expressed, in one way or the other, by someone somewhere sometime. Would there be anything new to write? In what belief I keep writing thinking its original?

Never minds - 5

Can anyone actually say enough to happiness?

WC is finally over

It has taken millions of dollars and almost 50 days to decide on only the obvious.

Never minds - 4

"Side effects"

I'snt it kind of funny that that number of complaints a particular medication addresses is way less than the number of complaints it creates?

Never minds - 3

"Lost and found"

How can one be so sure that what they lost was "exactly" what they found and not something that's just "similar", especially in the case of losing and finding love in the same person?

Never minds - 2

"It was too good to be true!"

Does this subtly mean, during that time period, we scrounged around looking for the good and overlooked anything other than good?

Never minds - 1

"Happy tears!"

When it is so easy to well up with tears in the event of utmost happiness, why is it so difficult to break into a smile during a very sad situation? If it is not so difficult, then why is "sad smile" a relatively seldom used phrase?

Never mind.

There are so many questions I keep asking myself, ever so often, yet somehow I never conjure up convincing answers. So, these questions end up on the already overflowing pile of random-nothings. Never mind.

Little pain...

...serves better than total numbness.

Interesting.

What the masses believe may not be exactly right.
Click here and here to see for yourself. A bit long but puts on a different perspective.

Unbelievable...

Is it really ARR?? Listen here.
Abs junk save Sahaana.... Whats with the styleee??

If I can...

If I can realize that I know nothing about anything...
Or, if I can convince myself that I know anything about everything...

I guess I would be much, more, happier.

There is no perfect way...

...to say gooodbye. There absolutely i'snt.

புது பாட‌ம்.

"எந்தன் சோகம் என்னவென்று சொல்லாமல் ஏங்க ஏங்க அழுகையா வந்தது
எந்தன் சோகம் உன்னை தாக்கும் எண்றெண்ணும் போது வந்த அழுகை நின்றது"

வாழ்ந்து பார்த்தால் தெரிகிறது!!!

Why does

silence bother more than shouting?

Uninvited.

Profound thoughts swarm.
Way too many means to cast.
But lurking behind, you,
sneak in, creasing the ideas
burrowing them to rot.
Laziness gets personified.
I falter. Then wake up.
Vow to shake you away.
And I do.
Yet, you keep coming back,
with more vengeance,
vouching stay forever.
I succumb.
No escape!
I’m asking you -
Leave and never return.
Please!

The beginning..,

In the beginning we were both perfect strangers. I felt like we were some random two just brought together by fate. I was indifferent and was simply happy, to the one fact, that there was someone to care for me. But then, on some level I knew I meant more than the world to her. Much much more than what she meant to me. When she confided about us to people close to her, they were all very excited and said it was truly meant to be. If they were anxious that things should go well between us, they sure did not show. Time passed on and I was slowly getting used to her. But by then, I had become the prime thing of interest to her. I guess I had visitors ever so often. I never bothered. She had a person very close to her and I guess he also liked me. They all threw parties in our name. If I could, I would have shrugged.

People came and went but she was always there. Either she was caressing me and petting me or dreaming about me. She shopped for me, redesigned her life around me. She sang to me, she rocked me and fed me, and took care of me as if I was herself. She planned my future and was actually proud of me. I don’t know what I have done to make her feel this way. I used to wonder!

Initially I was good and tame. As days grew into weeks, the importance and attention I was gaining went into my head. I became meaner, turning into a constant attention monger and was always disturbing her. My tantrums increased multifold but she only smiled every time I twisted and turned. I seldom let her even sleep peacefully. I became more and restless, so much that she could not eat or do anything freely anymore. I wonder how she never thought of me as a burden, or she did think? Not sure! But as far as I knew her, she would never be able to bring herself to think less of me like that. And that thought bothered me. If I had been her, I would have neglected me a long time before. For all the inconvenience I had caused her, she was not annoyed. Her love for me was unflinching and her reactions to my annoyances were a few tears, which she claimed were out of happiness. That surprised me and shamed me. I was someone who gave her pain - more pain than anyone has ever given her- she not once complained. As a matter fact, she glowed in all the love in her heart. She thought I loved her too. And I thought I loved her too, but again not sure.

Her love and affection, though overwhelming, was also overbearing. The all consuming love had melted me eventually. One part of me was constantly nagging me with the thought that she was too good for someone like me. Another part of me also felt my growth was constricted as her walls were pressing on me from all sides. Ever since that feeling started creeping in me, I became all the more reckless and without my bidding was causing her unbearable pain. I wanted to help her. But I was helpless. I was torn between my love and my freedom. So, for what I thought was good for both of us, I started wanting to get out and move on. Like always, she somehow got to know this need of mine. (I really don’t know how she does that.)

Either she too understood that she cannot have me forever or that I hurt her so much, she relented and gave way. I stared moving out slowly. But I still had doubts about my decision. I realized I did not know anyone in the world as well as I had known her. I did not know if I would ever find anyone like her. A feeling of loss overpowered me and all of a sudden, the place I inhabited for the past weeks seemed like the best, warm and comfortable place in the whole world. I also realized I will never be able to come back again. The small area, I was leaving forever, and which once seemed dark and lonely felt heaven-like. Just a thought that things can never be on this level, between us, ever again, saddened me. It was too much to take. I felt vulnerable and fragile. I tried to turn back to her for help. But she had prepared herself for my departure. Though that, she appeared as if she was not taking it all too well. She was screaming and it was terrifying, and I had no choice than to go ahead with the plan. I felt dizzy and soon it all went dark.

Now, when I open my eyes, I realize I’m in a very brightly lit and silent room. There are so many people around, people I don’t know. Or, may be I know. It does not matter at this moment. I search for her and find her looking all tired and beaten. When our eyes met, I fully know she is the one for me. Even after all that I have done to her, she is smiling at me. As always she is shedding tears, but this time I know it by myself that those are out of happiness. There are evident marks of recent anxiety for my well being. Seeing her I’m being swept up by some very strong emotion, which I’m pretty sure, is love. She is reaching out for me and I could do nothing but to let her wrap herself around me. I feel the warmth of my home all over again. It feels like I still have her and her love. I try to tell her that, if ever, I get another chance I will do it all, and I promise I will take care not to cause so much hurt. I'm not able to express it all too well. But she seems to have understood and hugs me even closer and kisses me. I let out a wail.

PS: 12PC - 12 point circle

In the background: Tune

பனி மழை

காற்று,மேகம் உரசியதில்
பிறந்த குழந்தைகள்
தரையில்!!

Some days back..,

This day, 6 months back, was filled with tensions, anticipations, mingled with happiness. Where ever one looked there were people and smiles.Today, the day passes without any of those profound emotions. Going about the day doing mundane domestic jobs, alone. Things change and time flies by, but no worries. :)

It is dreary.

To choose and then decide on something, satisfying many, is actually a tedious job. Argh!!

My 55 word story..,

I'm looking through archives of her blog. I find that I have been tagged a loooong time ago. Anyhoo., here is my take.

Color to B&W

The changes seem unmindful, yet somehow cognitive. All those instances, that characterized the scripts of earlier stages, go into safe preservation. As if bound by unseen strings, heart and mind, treat special moments and mundane acts alike. Life is like a dreamless sleep. It’s tough, but pays to understand that ups and down are inevitable.

They say, what comes around, goes around (I really dont know exactly what this means). I now tag Nandhu, Sangy, Vidhya, Rajesh, Deepak, Harini and anybody who is willing to write a story/poem on a title 'Reigning Man' containing the idea within 50 sentence/phrase. Happy writing, folks.

Now and then..,

I once wrote something on a piece of paper. I sent it across to you and you returned it, un-creased and unread. I did not give up. I did not want to give up. I roamed around with the intention of handing over that letter to you. You regarded it as a blank note, but I was prepared to write so many of such letters.

I was obsessed with it. I carried it along where ever I went. It was like blind person having a map to the destination. That piece was a huge burden, yet, I found means to talk and feel about it. I had hardly participated in the you-give-yours and I-will-give-mine kind of exchange carnivals and had no clue about any of them either. All the same when I found myself on one such occasion I perfectly knew what I wanted and understood what I was doing, and expressed all in that paper. Yet the understanding was limited to me, as you had no idea as to the happenings. You were busy to notice the transformations; and if u did notice, even accidentally, you dismissed them with an airy wave of your hand and a sneer. I remained in your path and somehow you seemed to miss me on your ways.

I joked, I cried and I even dreamt about the situation. Nevertheless, I never gave up on the letter, believing you would one day reach out your hands to take the it from me. I thought you just needed some time to see the truth behind my decisions. I figured you would feel the warmth of my yearnings and relent. I imagined that some day you would find the words in my songs and sing along. I conceived that you are waiting for the right color to come along, to paint my canvas. I convinced myself that sometimes even your silence fitted well in my poems. I reveled in the petrichor and chill rains that your glance in my wake brought along. I broke down when you did scold me, but I built myself up again seeing you smile.

Life was like the unformed dream, where you would desperately want something to happen but the thoughts take their own form. The letter was an integral part of all things; it had seen it all. But, the determination gradually started waning. How much ever I found it difficult and disquieting to let go, something inside of me stared to inch away from the hold of that letter. Should I have pleaded more? Should I have read it out aloud for you and the world to hear? Should I have presented it in a more glamorous form? I don’t know what I did wrong? Or did I do it overtly correct? I had formed up questions for you. ‘When will the flowers bloom in your garden? Is your canvas painted in colors? Do you recognize the earthly smell of tears? Can you tell apart the happy and sad tunes of the birds? Has the sea waves ever caressed your feet and exchanged secrets?’ Or did I delve too much into the realms of imagination and mere fantasy to have expected all this from you? Did I keep facing the wrong directions when I ought to have looked elsewhere? Is it my fault that I did all those?

Time rolled over and we got washed away to different shores. The main became the void. The words must have faded off. And now, when you want to have a look at what was ever written, I seem to have lost that piece of paper. Must be around the time, I completely lost you. Could it be that, the paper understood it is irrelevant when the intent is itself lost, and got lost itself?

In the background : Lyrics Tune

சிருங்கார ரசம்..,

தீர்த்தக் கரையினிலே - தெற்கு மூலையில்
செண்பகத் தோட்டத்திலே,
பார்த்திருந்தால் வருவேன் - வெண்ணிலாவிலே
பாங்கியோ டென்று சொன்னாய்.
வார்த்தை தவறிவிட்டாய் - அடி கண்ணம்மா!
மார்பு துடிக்கு தடீ!
பார்த்த விடத்திலெல்லாம் - உன்னைப்போலவே
பாவை தெரியு தடீ! ...

மேனி கொதிக்கு தடீ! - தலை சுற்றியே
வேதனை செய்கு தடீ!
வானி லிடத்தை யெல்லாம் - இந்த வெண்ணிலா
வந்து தழுவுது பார்!
மோனத் திருக்கு தடீ! இந்த வையகம்
மூழ்கித் துயிலினிலே,
நானொருவன் மட்டிலும் - பிரி வென்பதோர்
நகரத் துழலுவதோ? ...

கடுமை யுடைய தடீ! - எந்த நேரமும்
காவலுன் மாளிகையில்;
அடிமை புகுந்த பின்னும் - எண்ணும்போது நான்
அங்கு வருவதற் கில்லை;
கொடுமை பொறுக்க வில்லை - கட்டுங் காவலும்
கூடிக் கிடக்கு தங்கே;
நடுமை யரசி யவள் - எதற்காகவோ
நாணிக் குலைந்திடுவாள். ...

கூடிப் பிரியாமலே - ஓரி ரவெலாம்
கொஞ்சிக் குலவி யங்கே,
ஆடி விளை யாடியே, - உன்றன் மேனியை
ஆயிரங்கோடி முறை
நாடித் தழுவி மனக் - குறை தீர்ந்து நான்
நல்ல களி யெய்தியே,
பாடிப் பரவசமாய் - நிற்கவே தவம்
பண்ணிய தில்லை யடி! ...

-பாரதி

(Source: Click here)

I am Love..,

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

(Mary Frye)

TOW (un) importance

‘Hi dear!!’ Hus enters the house, looking tired.
‘mm’ replies Wi and goes back to her work in the kitchen, even without a formality glance.
After freshening up, Hus comes in for a mug of coffee, and finds it already on the table. He picks it up and walks to Wi and asks ‘Wassup??’
‘Nothing.’ Wi is short.
Hus, apparently not picking up the cue form Wi’s tone, playfully says, ‘How boring, is your life??’
As if Wi was waiting for such a moment, roughly says, ‘Care to make it a bit interesting??’
Hus, by now immersed in watching the highlights of the day’s match, without looking up asks, ‘What?’
Wi gives him one angry stare and turns her back to him. Only now realizing something was not quite right, Hus asks again ‘Wassup??’
‘You tell...’ asks Wi.
‘Usual day, at work! Its only Tuesday, and I am already wishing it is weekend’ explains Hus.
‘Hmmm, then how was yesterday??’ shot back Wi.
Now clearly frustrated, Hus snubs, ‘What about yesterday. It was okay. Just like any other day. Why do you ask?’
Wi boils over, ‘Why do I ask?? You want to know why I ask? First ask yourself that...you know I am not someone who says or asks anything without any reason. Right?’
‘Yea!’ slowly answers Hus. ‘But unless you tell me what’s bothering you, how can I know, what it is about’
‘Oh! So you want me to share things with you now? You want me to share things?? How about you, setting an example for that?? How about you start sharing things with me first, and then expect me to share things with you!’ Wi explodes.
All that Hus hears is a lot of share and yet is clueless to what he might have done to get such an outburst from her. But Wi is still going on, ‘ …the minute we start to hide things from each other, then what is the point in this relationship? Okay, now you might say that you did not do it intentionally. Whatever it maybe, intentional or unintentional, petty or huge, that’s no reason not to share and discuss things between us? Isn’t it??? How could you not tell it to me? How would I have felt to hear about it from someone else, when I should be the one to have heard it first- from ‘you’! Listen, I cannot make you want to tell me things. It should come from you; on your own. Its things like these that matter the most. And its things like these that when neglected upsets me the most. And it was not like it is today’s news for you to appoint blame on me - that I did not give you enough time to say it. ’
All this while Hus is squeezing his brains to find that one thing he has had missed from telling her. And then it strikes him. ‘Are you talking about the employee-of-the-year nomination at office?' It has been communicated to him last Friday. The weekend enthu has totally driven that from his mind and he has completely forgotten about that. ‘I totally forgot about it, dear. Promise! I didn’t want to keep it from you. Moreover it is just nomination. Normal, unimportant and common! Its not like I have won or anything; and now that would definitely be worth mentioning’ Wi seems to want more of an explanation. Hus says ‘Sorry. Sorry??’ And that seems to do the trick and she is relaxing a bit
A few minutes later, ‘Today something very embarrassing happened when I was talking to my cousin sister' Hus tries to ease the mood now.
‘Hmmm?’ questions Wi.
‘You know right, how I feel about the tele-marketers?’ saying Hus looks up to see Wi nodding her head, and he continues, ‘So when we were chitchatting, Poonam got one such call and she was very patient and answered the person very politely. When she was off the phone, I told her, I generally don’t put up with such people and I kept going on and on about how its all a waste of time and such.’
‘Oh wait, don’t you know their daughter is working for one such tele-marketing concern???’ asks Wi.
‘You know???’ asks Hus in return.
‘Ya, Poonam told me about it. She had called and informed like a month ago' coolly replies Wi.
‘Ah! It’s nice news! Why didn’t you tell me??’ asks a rather confused and a bit angry Hus.
‘Well, you know…it’s…it just slipped out of mind’ Wi says with a matter-of-fact look.
(Hus waves his hand in exasperation and is ready to retort back ‘You should have told me!You had a month's time’ But he checks himself in the nick of time as he knows only too well, that the next word he utters would trigger off another argument.)
‘Sigh!!!’ sighs Hus.

Huh???

Only few, I hate.
Others, I tolerate!!!

(- FB in ELR)

LOL..,

This is what the 'quiz' here has got to say about what I think of my friends. The result is quite funny... and mostly true... :)

W is your soulmate.

You truly love C.

You consider H your true friend.

You know that R is always thinking of you.

You'll remember P for the rest of your life.

You secretly think S is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.

You secretly think that N is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.

You secretly think that DD is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that DD changes lovers faster than underwear.

You secretly think VS is shy and nonconfrontational. And that VS has a hidden internet romance.

True! I guess..,

The most beautiful sentence : "But, I love you."

The most painful sentence : "I love you, but…."

Keep it simple..,

Be a mystery. Though basically amorphous gradually mould into being strong and non-reactive. Reflect only what people want to see; but remind them of the truth of who they really are. Remain smooth and impervious. Be intriguing. Expose different things to different people. Be the one to who people cant escape confiding their secretive secrets and keep them safe. Be useful in more than one form. Appear spotless and hence more attractive. Be transparent; but if having a tinted side, keep it at the rear. Be fragile; but maintain individuality even if broken into shards. Never let one notice the empty insides. Concede to the heat and pressures of the situations to come out of it in flying colors. Be translucent. Be the one to who people resort to when they are happy, sad or even just for fun, knowing those will never be exposed. Be brittle; but at the same time be hard enough to cut through the strongest of things. Threaten to fire up when a thing cunningly crosses path. Be different, yet be the same. Be the glass!

Have some fun..

Just for time pass! Click here...

கண்களை அடைத்தால் காதல் நுழைய வாசல் இல்லை

நான் தானம் கேட்கும் ஒரு ஊமையா?
தினம் தேய்கிறேனே இது தேவையா?
கூடைகள் எங்கும் பூக்களை நிரப்பி,
கோவிலைத் தேடி நடக்கின்றேன்.
கூடையைக் கொடுத்து கும்பிட்டு முடித்து
கோரிக்கை வைக்க மறக்கின்றேன்

நான் தோற்றுப் போவேன் என்று அஞ்சியே
என் தேர்வை எல்லாம் ஒத்தி வைக்கிறேன்

காதலை மறைத்தால் கணம் தாங்காமல்
என் உயிர் செத்துப் போகும் இல்லையா?
காதலைச் சொல்லி இல்லையென்று மறுத்தால்
காதலே செத்துப் போகும் இல்லையா?

(அந்நியன்)

Another year...,