My friend once told me that I have a very sweet voice and she also confessed that, prior to meeting me in person, based on my voice alone she had a completely different image of how I would look. I did not know how to react to that! Should I be happy that I have a sweet voice or should I be offended that she felt my face wasn’t pretty for the voice?
But you see, if there is one thing that I’m personally very proud of myself is.... my voice.
Yea... yea.. I know, right! It’s something I’m born with and I have done nothing to hone or train it, so I can’t take credit for it. Yet, I take pride and that’s how vain I’m!
So anyways, that friend’s comment was not a singular instance. I have heard the same thing from few others too (not about the face though. I have never forgiven her for that :-)). Some other friends who are musically talented have also complimented that my voice is effortlessly and naturally very suited for singing seconds. They have urged me to take training (I believe to sing firsts). As I did not want to tamper with the God given gift (Ahem!) I never heeded to their kind advice.
I know all that and also am aware of the control I have over my voice. I can modulate the tone, the mood and the pitch to some extent and other such non-special, peripheral things. (I know, who couldn't.. right?)
All that is fine! But what use is a sweet voice when sometimes I have no power over what I say. More times than not, I think how I say it salvages what I say. I would like to believe that people are fooled by that. But if I have to be truthful to myself, no one is fooled but me. Instances when I have coated things in funny tones, it still has insulted people and has come back to bite me.
I'm also aware of this too, that sometimes I have utter lack of control over my emotions (and in turn, over the words I say) and I have never been happy about it. I have tried to change. I have tried to learn how not to say things (of which I’m going to regret later) when provoked or when simply in conversation. All in vain!
As it gets proven time and again that I don’t have the much required self control over what I say, I sometimes wish I just couldn’t and so wouldn’t (be able to say what I want). I wish for restraint not on thoughts but on the expression. So even though I’m incredibly proud of my voice, in some tense instances I wish I lack it one the whole.
Vaarthai Oomaiyaai vidumo..
Then I no longer need to struggle to “ignore” or “choose to consciously not comment”.