Sunday, May 22, 2011

3 and half months of heartache

Wow... can’t believe it was only that much. Feels like eons more.

In movies, normally, in such very anticipated and dramatic situations, there will be shown a montage of significant moments, accompanied by soft and sensual background music. Wish how I feel now can also be that beautiful. But as is the case with this stupid normality I’m left all alone to deal with the recollections.

Ah, but there are one too many things that have happened. I don’t think I remember all of them. I’m not too sure that I even want to admit to remember few of them. During these past few days I had to deal with - the realization of particular dream, or wish you may say, a year too late; a career suicide yet again; separation with family; adding new responsibilities; monetary insecurities; un-favored dependency; seclusion; being glad of moving away from the clutches of insanity; oru kannil vennai and in the other sunnaambu stories; blunted emotions and many such ‘incidents’ which would make for a crunchy, spicy retelling on a snowy, winter noon. But every time when the head hits the pillows alone at night one thing is certain and that is it is not worth it. No. Definitely not!

But that’s all past, over and done with. And the madness is coming to an end. Thank you, merciful God. Thanks for the valuable experience. Yes, it was priceless in that it humbled me, made me learn few nuances of the many relationships I’m involved and it helped me set my priorities right. And I’m thankful it’s all over before I had a chance to slip and shatter the feigned poise and calm, and ‘bearing all with smiles’ facade, and especially in not having the voices inside my head audible.

This chaotic yet kind of numb phase of life was tolerable and I was able to look forward to the dawn of the day because of four significant people. I’m not going to tell anyone who’s who. If you know who, then thank them on my behalf. If you are one of the three reading this, then please note that I owe my sanity, or what’s left of it, to you. You may not know it; you may not have meant it that way, but your words, your company and sometimes even your absence and silence helped me through the day. Your veiled criticisms, harsh reminders and restricted emotional attachment were all my life-lines. I’m going to miss you. So.... although it’s not something you don’t know but... I love you. Still do, loads!

And this midnight the dawn will light my horizons. Loving hands and smiles are on the way with million dreams and hopes. And it will be like I’d never had to be alone. So here’s looking forward to the fun and sensible times. Uber excited to see how this new, much awaited episode is going to turn out to be. Of course!

Malarin kadhavondru thirakkindradho

Mounam veliyera thavikkindradho

Penmai pudhidhaga pirakkindradho

Uyiril amudhangal vazhigindradho......

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