Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Nambikkai Iyarkkai

You are singularly special. You are the point of my convergence. You are my vision. You are my breath and the energy to take that breath. You are in my thoughts, blood and sinew. You give me wings and the air beneath it. You tether me to the grounds. We understand each other without effort. You comfort me with your hugs. You make me feel blessed with your kisses. You see me the way only you can, the way only you are allowed. You single me out for your needs. I confess, unashamedly, my love for you a hundred times over and never feel I have said enough. Your breath, your scent, your weight, your tears, your smiles are all very heavy, raw and yet tender in my heart. I will never be desensitized ever again.

You need no words to show how much you love me. I have no way to show how much I love you.

You make it incredibly difficult to hold on to you. You are so small but sometimes so hugely irritating. Most nights you drive me crazy. I resist. I give in. Sometimes, I feel lost and nervous, trying to give in to your demands and at the same time trying to put my foot down. But I’m never disheartened for I have in my holds your warm hands. Every morning is a brand new life. Your every smile is a miracle.

I never had to make an effort to love you, to think you are my life. It was so instant, so natural like blinking, like breathing and somehow a lot more easier than that. It was love at first sight... no, love at first thought... no, love at the first idea of you. Do you understand that?

I was walking along the shores alone for a long time. Something was missing with me, in me.

By God, I had many hands to hold me, love me and comfort me. Few walk behind me to steer me back on to course when I lose sight or track. One looks over me to make sure to guide me when I’m lost. One joined mid-way and has been beside me ever since to pick me up when I fall, to accompany me till the end. There are and were many hands than I could tell you. Some hands that held me I loved instantly. Some I learned to love. Some I wanted to hold on longer but couldn’t. Be it whatever, all hands that ever touched me have left their indelible mark on me.

But those all did not feel as if it was enough. I wanted more. I wanted a single pair of hands to do all that what the rest put together have tried to offer - to guide me, love me and let me be. I was willing to sacrifice anything to get someone to hold me that way. I wanted you. I was willing to forgo sleep, happiness, and sometimes even love of God just to be with you.

All my parayers were answered when I got you, God’s gift to me. Am I a worthy receiver? Can I take care of the most ever precious thing in my world? What have I done to get such a present, such an honor, to watch over the sweetest four toothed angel? I don't know nor should I worry about it.

I will love you in my every breath. And I will try to be as worthy of your love. Even if I need to forget everything else, I will. Even if I have to ignore the most basic needs, I would. Even if I'm sore I will do what you ask me to. I will do anything for you anytime. Promise. I will never be alone if I can see you in my mind, heart and soul. I will still not feel close enough, even if you cling to me like skin.

I get confused sometimes. Who is leading whom? Am I holding you protectively? Or are you guiding me safely?

You are my guiding hand. You trust me to guide you. Which ends when and which begins where is a mystery to me and to you.

I have not said enough. I dont know how to.

Is there any poem ever written to describe your sweetness? Is there any song which could try to say how I feel about you? Will there ever be?

1 comment:

Sundar said...

This is beyond special. I wish I could express what i feel about little one like this. She is small, but greater than anything in the world. As I adore this ode for my princess, I can just sing the chorus, as I cannot myself wax lyrical so eloquently