Some times in a wedding crowd whenever a youngster is introduced as one working in a well-known firm, it attracts lots of attention. And surprisingly, when it is mentioned that someone belonging to that ‘real young’ generation is working for an IT firm, more often than not, a weird expression greets them. A mixture of awe and skepticism combined with an evaluating stare followed by a bunch of well-rehearsed, clichéd words (‘Kids these days are introduced to money at this young age, they fail to truly appreciate the worth/value of it’…or something of that sort.) When I’m put through this whole episode I will be bursting to respond, ‘Oh! Really! You think so!!’ But in order to avoid another well-rehearsed rendition of ‘kids these days…’ and the eventual inclusion in the genre of ‘rude kids…’ I keep my golden silence than to argue about idiosyncratic habit of prototyping things.
But of late I got to wonder why that is so? On noticing I got to know that IT-earning-kids is not an isolated issue about the prototyping stuff. It ought to have a deep running connection with us from start and it is just that some people choose to explicitly expose that nature of theirs and others are subtle in that expression. The fact is that all of us prototype things all through our life. This is just a musing on what could be the possible reason.
It is only human to want the best. Not at all times, does this ‘best’ come when one has experienced its predecessors ‘good’ and ‘better’. This wanting (to be) best is the underlying basis of human evaluation of things and people. For many cases the evaluation starts with the best. Simply, it could go like this – I go to a movie and find one actor very good on screen. So he becomes my best (fave) actor. And next time I watch a similar kind of movie I sub consciously compare the guy on screen with the fave-attributes I have got out of the first actor and evaluate if this actor is up-to that standards I have come to expect out of any actor (based on my faves). If this second guy is better than my fave, to my expectations I add those points about this second guy that most appeals to me and from then on this updated fave-attribute-list becomes my basis of evaluation.
The list is often pruned, updated and fine tuned to one needs and likes. Sometimes, in isolated cased, it is scratched and the process begins all over again. It is this list that we use to evaluate, accept or reject, respect or just ignore/neglect people. Right from the childhood days we are putting things through a box of testing/ evaluation and only later accept. The list that we are talking about is that box and means. In the growing up stages of life, even as a child we sub consciously form the list. Moms are always the best. So a kid naturally expects other mom’s to be like his and in some instances when whenever the other kid’s mom does something that pleases/ impresses it, it takes an immediate liking to that aunty and pester its mom to be like that. Maybe this is why we try to ape the celebrity’s mannerisms, sport icons style and the film people’s coolness.
This expectation-and-correction exists around us like aura or vibration that connects us to people of similar likes/ dislikes. Else how would anyone explain why one likes somebody the moment they meet them or what could make some one hate another the instance he eyes him? We meet someone and the waiting demon checks, cross checks, analyses, brings forth various qualities/ attributes of various lists and alerts us to the type of person we are with and then naturally the accept(ion) / rejection/ not–bad-to-be-with evaluation takes place.
Personally, my ulterior motive of life is to be happy. To make my self happy sub consciously, maybe, I would choose the best I could get in all phases of life, and in all opportunity. If I see some one else happier than me, I might evaluate what made them happy and if that pleases me add that on to my list. It is the similar process for pruning. I would definitely not add ‘smoking’ to my list of being-happy coz that is already a part of my No-No-List.
Life goes on and we toil in this attempt to correct and adjust the list so that it suits us and others who matter. (Again who matter depends on what we expect out of them and how well we connect with their vibrations).
I don’t know!! It all sounds like so much of work and I don’t think I would be doing all this. But the truth still remains and speaks for itself.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Being Twenty-something
Maybe i'm going through this "Being Twenty-Something". People call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." I got to know this from a FWD...and it seems to suit.
They say "It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling Insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with, are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your Opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging, yourself and others, more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and Cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to The Past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about partner, loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out."
Precisely
They say "It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling Insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with, are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your Opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging, yourself and others, more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.
One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and Cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to The Past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about partner, loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out."
Precisely
Wednesday, November 2, 2005
அலைபாயுதே..,
என்னை எவ்வளவு நாளா உனக்குத் தெரியும்? ம்ம்?
பாத்த...பேசினோம்...பழகினோம்
கொஞ்சம் சுத்தினோம்..சிரிக்க வெச்ச...
இப்போ, அழ வெக்குற.
பாத்த...பேசினோம்...பழகினோம்
கொஞ்சம் சுத்தினோம்..சிரிக்க வெச்ச...
இப்போ, அழ வெக்குற.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Killing her softly
Slave to his song, she was
A stranger he was, to her
Strumming her feelings with words,
Singing as if he knew her...as
Though had lived with her, in her past
Reading her every thought
Her heart’s unfinished letters
Her soul’s deepest desire
He lived, not realizing her presence
She, in agony, that he is there around
The song of friendship…
In the rhyme of words
‘I miss u da’, clichéd
which she treasured and wanted more
The tune of dearness…
In the rhythm of care
‘Der r moments in life…’
which she possessed and wanted more
He a dream in relaity
But a reality in dream
The incentives comes at an expense
Not for the rainbow,
But for the sunshine she yearn
He maybe miles and smiles away
Yet, in a phrase, in a song, in a scent he lives
So close, very close that it makes her gasp for breath
The moral he explained
A reason to smile, even now
She wants to hear him say it
Only once…just once!
Desperately wants it to be a reality
She is prepared to wait till eternity…
A stranger he was, to her
Strumming her feelings with words,
Singing as if he knew her...as
Though had lived with her, in her past
Reading her every thought
Her heart’s unfinished letters
Her soul’s deepest desire
He lived, not realizing her presence
She, in agony, that he is there around
The song of friendship…
In the rhyme of words
‘I miss u da’, clichéd
which she treasured and wanted more
The tune of dearness…
In the rhythm of care
‘Der r moments in life…’
which she possessed and wanted more
He a dream in relaity
But a reality in dream
The incentives comes at an expense
Not for the rainbow,
But for the sunshine she yearn
He maybe miles and smiles away
Yet, in a phrase, in a song, in a scent he lives
So close, very close that it makes her gasp for breath
The moral he explained
A reason to smile, even now
She wants to hear him say it
Only once…just once!
Desperately wants it to be a reality
She is prepared to wait till eternity…
Thursday, October 6, 2005
Returning
It is really bugging to be back at a place where I had spent quite some happy time….. still fresh in memory.
…the memory of a time well spent…a time where a beautiful relationship blossomed…the memory which will be always special…
It is Kapila I’m taking about…an IPC kinds in my campus
Now when seeing the place once occupied by us (my team) being occupied by some body else….who just walk through the space oblivious of the memory it holds for me….with just no respect for the place which is held in high esteem by me…a place where it was all fun and work being spoilt by laziness and lethargy…the place that taught me so much being mis-used for chatting and sleeping and giggling…the artifacts once revered by me, and which holds a deep running connection with the people associated with, being spoilt by some one else…it pains…
I’m just not coming to terms with it.
Now if I come to think of it, this is how I may feel when I go back to the BITS…I don’t think I want to go back and see the things that I once enjoyed being populated and enjoyed by some body else…
I’m satisfied with just the memory…
…the memory of a time well spent…a time where a beautiful relationship blossomed…the memory which will be always special…
It is Kapila I’m taking about…an IPC kinds in my campus
Now when seeing the place once occupied by us (my team) being occupied by some body else….who just walk through the space oblivious of the memory it holds for me….with just no respect for the place which is held in high esteem by me…a place where it was all fun and work being spoilt by laziness and lethargy…the place that taught me so much being mis-used for chatting and sleeping and giggling…the artifacts once revered by me, and which holds a deep running connection with the people associated with, being spoilt by some one else…it pains…
I’m just not coming to terms with it.
Now if I come to think of it, this is how I may feel when I go back to the BITS…I don’t think I want to go back and see the things that I once enjoyed being populated and enjoyed by some body else…
I’m satisfied with just the memory…
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Roller coaster emotions
My character is not of the one who offers to do anything without being asked to. Be it any help or suggestion. But yesterday, I did not know what, that made me ask it? Well, I know now!
In my two month long stay here days were generally gray and dull. Finally the day was nearing for me to clear out and return back. This Friday!!
He, on his way to moving on to the next best level in his career, had to come here on official purpose. A very nice person to be with and a sweet friend, promptly brought along nice sunshine and smiles! The sun will shine in the near by zone not for long, as it is on its way, moving on to a far distant land.
For the homecoming, I had my tickets booked on a train and he had his booked on a bus. On the same day! As the train leaves very early in the day, I was double minded, no, not before his arrival. No. And once it was confirmed that he had a ticket for the bus which leaves the city at a comfortable time, I was tempted to change my travel plan.
It was me who suggested that I would also like to travel along in the bus. First ploy of fate! Should have realized! I dint and made to cancel the already booked train-ticket and asked for the same bus. Second ploy- when all trains are running full for another week or so, is it not surprising to get a ticket in a bus for the next day? I was as usual a victim to prank of laws-of- life, this time around too. Was very much elated that I could manage a travel with him! When am I again to meet him after this week, so was pretty much determined that the little time we had together we should be together.
Maybe it is mentioned in the logs of destiny that I should not be too excited for such things and that euphoria is short lived. To prove this popped a message from him ‘I’m traveling by air this weekend’. Project pressures! I don’t know how well to describe how I felt that instance. It is not always that, only when big dreams are shattered it pains so much. Even when small, meaningless fantasies are broken, it hurts too. At that moment when I was trying to come to terms with the reality came a call from the travel agent, ‘Bus ticket confirmed. Seats H1, H2.Please collect!’
What else can u call this apart from a stupid, in-sensitive plot of some one above? How else can u reason this?
And a message to top it all, ‘I feel sorry about the travel. Really really really sorry’. What more can he say and what more can I expect him to say!
Or what can anybody say!
Another taste of disappointment! But of things that life has taught me, it has surprisingly and conveniently failed to teach me to cope with this one particular emotion.
*
P.S: This blog comes coz as D.H Lawrence once said "My creativity is at its best, when I’m busy hating something fiercely". Maybe this is not as creative as it is supposed to be. But c’mon one can’t be expected to write best when one is in a towering temper and has no better way to vent out the boiling feeling. The temper is because there is no one to actually blame on and ease the disappointment.
In my two month long stay here days were generally gray and dull. Finally the day was nearing for me to clear out and return back. This Friday!!
He, on his way to moving on to the next best level in his career, had to come here on official purpose. A very nice person to be with and a sweet friend, promptly brought along nice sunshine and smiles! The sun will shine in the near by zone not for long, as it is on its way, moving on to a far distant land.
For the homecoming, I had my tickets booked on a train and he had his booked on a bus. On the same day! As the train leaves very early in the day, I was double minded, no, not before his arrival. No. And once it was confirmed that he had a ticket for the bus which leaves the city at a comfortable time, I was tempted to change my travel plan.
It was me who suggested that I would also like to travel along in the bus. First ploy of fate! Should have realized! I dint and made to cancel the already booked train-ticket and asked for the same bus. Second ploy- when all trains are running full for another week or so, is it not surprising to get a ticket in a bus for the next day? I was as usual a victim to prank of laws-of- life, this time around too. Was very much elated that I could manage a travel with him! When am I again to meet him after this week, so was pretty much determined that the little time we had together we should be together.
Maybe it is mentioned in the logs of destiny that I should not be too excited for such things and that euphoria is short lived. To prove this popped a message from him ‘I’m traveling by air this weekend’. Project pressures! I don’t know how well to describe how I felt that instance. It is not always that, only when big dreams are shattered it pains so much. Even when small, meaningless fantasies are broken, it hurts too. At that moment when I was trying to come to terms with the reality came a call from the travel agent, ‘Bus ticket confirmed. Seats H1, H2.Please collect!’
What else can u call this apart from a stupid, in-sensitive plot of some one above? How else can u reason this?
And a message to top it all, ‘I feel sorry about the travel. Really really really sorry’. What more can he say and what more can I expect him to say!
Or what can anybody say!
Another taste of disappointment! But of things that life has taught me, it has surprisingly and conveniently failed to teach me to cope with this one particular emotion.
*
P.S: This blog comes coz as D.H Lawrence once said "My creativity is at its best, when I’m busy hating something fiercely". Maybe this is not as creative as it is supposed to be. But c’mon one can’t be expected to write best when one is in a towering temper and has no better way to vent out the boiling feeling. The temper is because there is no one to actually blame on and ease the disappointment.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Assertiveness Skill
“Would you come to the project party? Don’t worry, it won’t be long”
No. Thanks.
“Can u stay here for another one month? It is not that important, but you have been assigned work.”
No.
“Shall we dance in the rain?”
No. I had rather enjoy the rain indoors.
“What would you like to have? Never mind. I will order pizza for you”
No. I would like to have a burger.
“Where can we go shopping? We will go to Hyd Central!”
No. I’m too tired to go shopping.
“Whom do you keep messaging to? Would u like to tell me?”
No. Not yet.
“Why are you wearing this dress to the party? I guess you would need to change before the event”
No. I’m comfortable in this.
“Are u upset? Would u like to talk about what’s troubling you?”
No. Thanks. I can manage myself.
“Come over this weekend”
No. Have some important work to complete.
*
Simple, though, it sounds now. Just two letters! Just two letters!
Wish I had said it then.
No. Thanks.
“Can u stay here for another one month? It is not that important, but you have been assigned work.”
No.
“Shall we dance in the rain?”
No. I had rather enjoy the rain indoors.
“What would you like to have? Never mind. I will order pizza for you”
No. I would like to have a burger.
“Where can we go shopping? We will go to Hyd Central!”
No. I’m too tired to go shopping.
“Whom do you keep messaging to? Would u like to tell me?”
No. Not yet.
“Why are you wearing this dress to the party? I guess you would need to change before the event”
No. I’m comfortable in this.
“Are u upset? Would u like to talk about what’s troubling you?”
No. Thanks. I can manage myself.
“Come over this weekend”
No. Have some important work to complete.
*
Simple, though, it sounds now. Just two letters! Just two letters!
Wish I had said it then.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Power of love!
Does love really have the power? The power to change the basic personality/ haracteristics of a person! By love I’m mean not about affection or liking but about the one you share with just one person of the opposite gender. This question occurred to me after I had a long chat with one friend of mine. I had witnessed this very good mate undergo a huge transformation after she found her special person.
I remember the days in my senior days in school, when no one could mistake her to being any thing other than a sweet, talkative girl with happy-go-lucky attitude for any matter, far from the types who are really touchy and sensitive. It would be hard to sustain her interest in something for more than a few days, well except maybe music. Her personality, when I first met her, which then struck me as a bubbly and fun loving did not change much even after we stepped into college. In college each day was pure fun what with meeting up with many new friends, movies and mastee and if there was some time left, then studies. We slowly transformed into good and more mature friends.
And then it happened. Without any planning, without any warning, the lighting struck her and she fell in love. During the second term of the first year, she met him.
‘He is also into music’, she had said. He had heard this. She became interested in the instrument he played. A rare phenomenon would occur whenever his name was mentioned in her presence, she fell silent.
One thing I should say about the college was that, apart from its glorious merits and fame, it offered one advantage. It was the ample opportunities for people to meet up with each other, at anytime; be it day or night. What with the sports festival, the culturals, the classical events and the technical symposiums! Then the second year came and she said, ‘He is brilliant. And he is sweet too!!’ Quite a true statement considering his academic achievements!! She became very much interested in all things that concerned him; right from what book he read to which music band he liked.., to name a few. He was aware of this.
It was soon our third year, with loads to study bringing us all friends more closer to each other. The second term of the third year, probably the last term together on campus, she said, ‘You know what, he is very attached to his family. He keeps talking about his sis with so much love and affection.I really like that. Guess he is the guy for me!’ He has indeed spoken to her. She became secretive and moody for days at a time.
She was happy and fun but I could say there was some thing running in the back of her mind. Then our finals days in college fast approached, with tensions about placements and future. ‘Yeah, right! Future! How would it be for me if it was with him’ she had emailed me. He had been teased at the farewell party.
To part is the way of life. And to meet again is the hope of life. That’s the way it is for her.
The once happy girl is still so but with a small voice at the back of her mind whispering his name quite very often.
Love is indeed fascinating!
I remember the days in my senior days in school, when no one could mistake her to being any thing other than a sweet, talkative girl with happy-go-lucky attitude for any matter, far from the types who are really touchy and sensitive. It would be hard to sustain her interest in something for more than a few days, well except maybe music. Her personality, when I first met her, which then struck me as a bubbly and fun loving did not change much even after we stepped into college. In college each day was pure fun what with meeting up with many new friends, movies and mastee and if there was some time left, then studies. We slowly transformed into good and more mature friends.
And then it happened. Without any planning, without any warning, the lighting struck her and she fell in love. During the second term of the first year, she met him.
‘He is also into music’, she had said. He had heard this. She became interested in the instrument he played. A rare phenomenon would occur whenever his name was mentioned in her presence, she fell silent.
One thing I should say about the college was that, apart from its glorious merits and fame, it offered one advantage. It was the ample opportunities for people to meet up with each other, at anytime; be it day or night. What with the sports festival, the culturals, the classical events and the technical symposiums! Then the second year came and she said, ‘He is brilliant. And he is sweet too!!’ Quite a true statement considering his academic achievements!! She became very much interested in all things that concerned him; right from what book he read to which music band he liked.., to name a few. He was aware of this.
It was soon our third year, with loads to study bringing us all friends more closer to each other. The second term of the third year, probably the last term together on campus, she said, ‘You know what, he is very attached to his family. He keeps talking about his sis with so much love and affection.I really like that. Guess he is the guy for me!’ He has indeed spoken to her. She became secretive and moody for days at a time.
She was happy and fun but I could say there was some thing running in the back of her mind. Then our finals days in college fast approached, with tensions about placements and future. ‘Yeah, right! Future! How would it be for me if it was with him’ she had emailed me. He had been teased at the farewell party.
To part is the way of life. And to meet again is the hope of life. That’s the way it is for her.
The once happy girl is still so but with a small voice at the back of her mind whispering his name quite very often.
Love is indeed fascinating!
Friday, August 12, 2005
My nest
Being in the crowd, yet being alone. This can precisely summarize how it is for me now. Getting back to the un-naturally clean, guest-house of mine in the evening is not pleasing to me. In the confines of my room though I have been provided with all facilities I would need for the short nights I spend there (may be more than what I would actually be needing), I could feel a distinct emptiness. The things around are just artifacts, which is as un-lively as it is supposed to be. No object has that charm, has that appeal, that small lovely memory with it, which could bring a smile to your lips and a bubble to your heart. The cold walls, where there is nothing but loneliness staring at you from every corner, made me appreciate how drastically different is the place outside the world called home. A home is a place where …. I don’t know!!! I have tried (Really! tried) to bring out what home is (not in any particular order).
To me HOME is,
Where there is always a second chance,
Where there are feelings unexpressed yet felt, words unsaid yet understood,
Where every whine is heard as much as every victory is celebrated,
Where it is ok to cry,
Where you can speak your mind and still be perfectly friendly again,
Where there is no need to feign cuteness to please,
Where you can be the way you are and yet be accepted,
Where sorry and thanks are unheard of,
Where one’s problem is every other person’s problem,
Where crying ‘coz of them is unheard of, as much as crying for them,
Where failure is not a sin, but a step to the top,
Where no job/activity is derogatory
Where there are no made up excuses,
Where every one close to you can see right through you,
Where you really are a part of the group you belong to,
Where you will be missed for occasions as silly as even for the evening dinner,
Where there is no need for decorated words to prove you-self,
Where every one is respected beyond prejudices,
Where every brick speak of love and comfort,
Where you own everything though u don’t own anything,
Where your opinion is asked and is really considered,
Where you don’t have to wait for your chance to speak,
Where you can decide,
Where even in the harshest of winter there are sunrays,
Where love spells magic,
Where you can dance as if no one is watching
…Sing as if no one is listening
…Love as if you r going to die tomorrow,
Where even F.R.I.E.N.D.S have a different meaning,
Where there is always some one to welcome,
…Some one’s shoulder to rest on
….Some one’s hand that can be held day and night
Where Things are always what they seem!!!
I miss you!!
To me HOME is,
Where there is always a second chance,
Where there are feelings unexpressed yet felt, words unsaid yet understood,
Where every whine is heard as much as every victory is celebrated,
Where it is ok to cry,
Where you can speak your mind and still be perfectly friendly again,
Where there is no need to feign cuteness to please,
Where you can be the way you are and yet be accepted,
Where sorry and thanks are unheard of,
Where one’s problem is every other person’s problem,
Where crying ‘coz of them is unheard of, as much as crying for them,
Where failure is not a sin, but a step to the top,
Where no job/activity is derogatory
Where there are no made up excuses,
Where every one close to you can see right through you,
Where you really are a part of the group you belong to,
Where you will be missed for occasions as silly as even for the evening dinner,
Where there is no need for decorated words to prove you-self,
Where every one is respected beyond prejudices,
Where every brick speak of love and comfort,
Where you own everything though u don’t own anything,
Where your opinion is asked and is really considered,
Where you don’t have to wait for your chance to speak,
Where you can decide,
Where even in the harshest of winter there are sunrays,
Where love spells magic,
Where you can dance as if no one is watching
…Sing as if no one is listening
…Love as if you r going to die tomorrow,
Where even F.R.I.E.N.D.S have a different meaning,
Where there is always some one to welcome,
…Some one’s shoulder to rest on
….Some one’s hand that can be held day and night
Where Things are always what they seem!!!
I miss you!!
Thursday, August 4, 2005
right here right there..
Pre.S: To make up for the crappy blog, before this.
I have been feeling out of place for the past two days. In short, after coming to Hyderabad!
I really don’t have an idea, y it is so! The DC is good, the city has slight evening drizzles almost everyday and it’s adorably breezy. The mood is generally good around. The work is very hectic, giving me no time to think about other stuff and I have a good company. Go back to my nest late in the night with time only for a swift dinner and sleep. I hardly have time to watch TV to distract me. But what is the problem?
Is it because I’m missing my family; or missing Rhea, who has gone to Mumbai for some health reasons; or missing W who seems so near yet so far away; or missing my sweet team there in Chennai; or missing my sweet and understanding Sir who has become someone I shall never have, again; or it because I feel so alienated in this new city?
I’m no stranger to separation. I have been to at a residential college for 4 years, had been frequenting places. But it has never convincingly thought me to bare the separation or i-miss-u factor. I have been to Bangalore for months. But never felt like this before. No wait, there was that one time, I have come close to feeling like this. When my training was called off and posted to Chennai. I had then attributed the feeling to being over anxious about the entry in the professional world. Recently I had been to Bangalore for completing my called off training. Even then I was quite company-less and had loads of work to do. But never once did I feel restless like this.
I can only think of one reason to justify my stand this time. All my previous trips were something I had been looking forward to for some reason or the other. But this one is kind of forced on me, something I dint want to happen at all. (This logic is also capable of explaining my professional-jitters this time last year). All in all, I just want to return back to my own place and escape from the mushy-mush I'm made to hear every day and night.Y God y me of all.Where ever I go, whom ever I meet when its a sidee-state-affair, why is that always have to be "in love".
I have been feeling out of place for the past two days. In short, after coming to Hyderabad!
I really don’t have an idea, y it is so! The DC is good, the city has slight evening drizzles almost everyday and it’s adorably breezy. The mood is generally good around. The work is very hectic, giving me no time to think about other stuff and I have a good company. Go back to my nest late in the night with time only for a swift dinner and sleep. I hardly have time to watch TV to distract me. But what is the problem?
Is it because I’m missing my family; or missing Rhea, who has gone to Mumbai for some health reasons; or missing W who seems so near yet so far away; or missing my sweet team there in Chennai; or missing my sweet and understanding Sir who has become someone I shall never have, again; or it because I feel so alienated in this new city?
I’m no stranger to separation. I have been to at a residential college for 4 years, had been frequenting places. But it has never convincingly thought me to bare the separation or i-miss-u factor. I have been to Bangalore for months. But never felt like this before. No wait, there was that one time, I have come close to feeling like this. When my training was called off and posted to Chennai. I had then attributed the feeling to being over anxious about the entry in the professional world. Recently I had been to Bangalore for completing my called off training. Even then I was quite company-less and had loads of work to do. But never once did I feel restless like this.
I can only think of one reason to justify my stand this time. All my previous trips were something I had been looking forward to for some reason or the other. But this one is kind of forced on me, something I dint want to happen at all. (This logic is also capable of explaining my professional-jitters this time last year). All in all, I just want to return back to my own place and escape from the mushy-mush I'm made to hear every day and night.Y God y me of all.Where ever I go, whom ever I meet when its a sidee-state-affair, why is that always have to be "in love".
Monday, August 1, 2005
தனிமையின் கொடுமை..,
மனதில் இருக்கும் சுமை,
விண்ணுலகம் வரை எட்டியது எப்படியோ? என்னைப்போல்
வானமும் கரு மேகம் சூழ்ந்து இருக்கிறதே!!
பெண்ணின் கண்ணீரா, மழைத்துளியா..
பவித்ரமானது எது என்று போட்டியோ?
விடை அறிந்த பூமியும் மணக்கின்றதே!!
நீர்த்துளிகளும் மணற்துகள்களும்
இணையும் பந்தத்தை, வானம்
மின்னலும் இடியுமாய் வாழ்த்துகின்றதே!!
கண்ணீருக்கும்
அவளின் மடி மீது மோகமோ?
தன் அகம் விட்டு புது மனைப் போய் விழுகின்றதே!!
கொள்ளைக் கொள்ளும் காற்றுக்கு
பிறிவின் துயரம் என்ன தெறியும்?
உன் வாசம் சுமந்து வந்து தீண்டுகின்றதே!!
என்மேல் விழுந்த மழைத் துளியே,
இத்தனை நாளாய் எங்கிருந்தாய்:
மழையிடம் வினவும் அவனுக்கு
நான் தான் உனக்கு இங்கே இருக்கிறேனே என்ற பொழுதும்
விளங்காமல் ஏன் போனதோ?
விண்ணுலகம் வரை எட்டியது எப்படியோ? என்னைப்போல்
வானமும் கரு மேகம் சூழ்ந்து இருக்கிறதே!!
பெண்ணின் கண்ணீரா, மழைத்துளியா..
பவித்ரமானது எது என்று போட்டியோ?
விடை அறிந்த பூமியும் மணக்கின்றதே!!
நீர்த்துளிகளும் மணற்துகள்களும்
இணையும் பந்தத்தை, வானம்
மின்னலும் இடியுமாய் வாழ்த்துகின்றதே!!
கண்ணீருக்கும்
அவளின் மடி மீது மோகமோ?
தன் அகம் விட்டு புது மனைப் போய் விழுகின்றதே!!
கொள்ளைக் கொள்ளும் காற்றுக்கு
பிறிவின் துயரம் என்ன தெறியும்?
உன் வாசம் சுமந்து வந்து தீண்டுகின்றதே!!
என்மேல் விழுந்த மழைத் துளியே,
இத்தனை நாளாய் எங்கிருந்தாய்:
மழையிடம் வினவும் அவனுக்கு
நான் தான் உனக்கு இங்கே இருக்கிறேனே என்ற பொழுதும்
விளங்காமல் ஏன் போனதோ?
Monday, July 18, 2005
Returns..,
I’m unable to concentrate on any thing. Literally! No thoughts. My mind is blank.
No!!!
My mind is trying to point to something. My heart is desperate that my mind points to it. I know there is something that is really bothering. Mind feels heavy, laden with some thing which I’m having difficultly finding out. Is it the feeling of insecurity I had in the previous assignments, which is suddenly overcoming me, as I read the document sent out to me of which I could make neither heads nor tails? Is it the feeling of losing something so very close to heart that is bothering me? Is this a foreboding that I’m fighting for losing cause, all over again. What is that, that is eluding. Is it a long-buried thought from the past? Is it an anxious anticipation of tomorrow? Or is it just the expectation for a bright and happy present?
In retrospection, I’m really not able to point to something and say this is what is troubling me. Though that is still eluding, every passing moment the feeling increases. A sudden desperation, anxiousness, an urgency to do something, but the mind and heart just blatantly refuses to co-operate.
*
If u are unable to relate to it, u r lucky!
If u can, then I’m sorry for u as much as I’m sorry for me.
No!!!
My mind is trying to point to something. My heart is desperate that my mind points to it. I know there is something that is really bothering. Mind feels heavy, laden with some thing which I’m having difficultly finding out. Is it the feeling of insecurity I had in the previous assignments, which is suddenly overcoming me, as I read the document sent out to me of which I could make neither heads nor tails? Is it the feeling of losing something so very close to heart that is bothering me? Is this a foreboding that I’m fighting for losing cause, all over again. What is that, that is eluding. Is it a long-buried thought from the past? Is it an anxious anticipation of tomorrow? Or is it just the expectation for a bright and happy present?
In retrospection, I’m really not able to point to something and say this is what is troubling me. Though that is still eluding, every passing moment the feeling increases. A sudden desperation, anxiousness, an urgency to do something, but the mind and heart just blatantly refuses to co-operate.
*
If u are unable to relate to it, u r lucky!
If u can, then I’m sorry for u as much as I’m sorry for me.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
After an year..,
...a year since they parted
The eyes, that made her feel like a woman
The words, that teased her as if she were a child,
The smile, which she longed, wanting for more,
The name, that became her identity
The personality that awakened all her senses…
The touch, which felt like the gentle caress of breeze
The shoulders, where she wanted to lie, all her life
The arms, which she wished, would always hold hers,
The love, which made her dream about togetherness
The secrecy, which made her inner self glow…
The night has not dawned
The dreams still undreamt,
All that she wished...
Is all that she has…
The truth, scar-ed her heart
The depression, engulfed her being,
The revelation, buried her thoughts
The loss in the game, made her quit.
May her love rest in peace!
The eyes, that made her feel like a woman
The words, that teased her as if she were a child,
The smile, which she longed, wanting for more,
The name, that became her identity
The personality that awakened all her senses…
The touch, which felt like the gentle caress of breeze
The shoulders, where she wanted to lie, all her life
The arms, which she wished, would always hold hers,
The love, which made her dream about togetherness
The secrecy, which made her inner self glow…
The night has not dawned
The dreams still undreamt,
All that she wished...
Is all that she has…
The truth, scar-ed her heart
The depression, engulfed her being,
The revelation, buried her thoughts
The loss in the game, made her quit.
May her love rest in peace!
Tuesday, July 5, 2005
Farewell..,
Journey!! One best time to let ur mind roam freely, hindered by no disturbances. Like the view that passes by the window the thoughts fly by ….
*
I had reached the Crammin restaurant. It was a cool and breezy evening in Bangalore and I was waiting for my friends to come and join me. Just then I had called Amisha and it seemed like she is on her way along with her colleague Rahul. Shruthi already had told me she will a bit late. They were my best pals and we were meeting after a very long time.
I spent the next few minutes window shopping and looking at my watch and finally, Amisha and Rahul arrived. I saw that she was carrying a bag.
‘Ok. Not bad’, I smiled to myself.
‘What kept u guys so long?’
‘Traffic’ said Amisha, cutting in with a smile before Rahul started to answer.
‘You don’t have to lie’, I thought.
Then we moved to the table reserved for us. The place was less crowded.
’It’s a bit early’, I thought. The restaurant had many tables fitted in neatly in the small place; each table had a vase placed in the centre, with some flowers in them. The ambiance was good and the soft music was very soothing and romantic.
In not more than 5 minutes Shruthi joined us. ‘Hi kids!’, Shruthi said in her sweet voice. I always loved her voice and her cheerful tone.
‘Hi’ we chorused back. She took a chair near Rahul. Quite predictable for a girl friend. And then she laid out a box in front of me. I knew what it was though I pretended like I dint care.
‘There is no need for that. You know this is for u’, she said with a smile and pushed the box towards me. As I was opening my box, she said ‘Happy Birthday’. I smiled back and noticed that the card read ‘From us!’ .Very typical of her and Rahul. Then Amisha gave me her present. A hand made card and a hand made jewel box ; typical of her too. Shruthi and Amisha excused themselves to the restroom. Rahul got a call he went outside to attend it as the signal was quite bad inside the building.
I was touched by the effort Amisha has taken for my sake; felt it was the act of true love. But few people I knew thought otherwise, like she was too lazy and miserly to get a present.
‘Let’s not get into that. That did not matter much.’ I said to myself. ‘What mattered much was I’m very happy and content at this moment.’
The surroundings, gifts and spending an evening with my close pals, had had that effect on me. There was also the prospect of meeting someone whom I have not met in like a year, and had always wanted to meet once I graduated out of college, also was hoping to exchange a word or two with him. Rishi Kumar was my college mate.
‘Ok. Ok. Not just college mate’ I smiled.
I meet him on my first train journey back home. Never did I know him or have seen him before, but I was mildly interested then.
‘The actual story would go on for pages.’ I thought reminiscently.
The fact was that, this “mildly interested” thing - fuelled by numerous “Info” and accidental meetings- slowly became “interested” and “liking” and much more.
The news of he, being a guy so close to my heart, slowly became a universal secret. Though he was aware of this entire episode he never responded. This encouraged my feelings even further. Never did I realize that it was not because he dint care that he dint respond but because he was not interested. This came as a huge blow; the only guy that I ever fell for is not interested in me.
‘Hullo! Madam, are we going to order?’! They had all come back just then. ‘I had an early lunch and I’m starving. Moreover this restaurant has a reputation of “quick” service’, Rahul said.
‘Hey! This place was your choice’, I said. ‘Ya u can go ahead. But I thought we can order once he too joined us’.
‘Who?’ questioned Amisha, who was un-characteristically silent for all this while, which was not at all a good sign. Not a good sign at all. I sensed some mischievous plan brewing inside.
I looked at Shruthi, who had this she-asked-u-not-me expression on her face.
‘Fine’ But I was saved the work, as I saw him enter the restaurant. ‘Now why do I have to have a silly smile on the face and why dose my heart race at this pace?’
Rhyme and Rhythm! These things happened every time when I saw him and that time was no exception. He was fast approaching us. As he came near our table, some one stopped him and started talking. As that guy happened to be a boss of Amisha and Rahul they left to greet him. ‘World is so small!’ I thought.
Even though I was aware of his feeling and he of mine, we had hardly spoken to each other, if you don’t consider the customary ‘hello’ when being introduced. We had been introduced at least a dozen times to each other, but he would not bother to smile back or act as if we knew each other the next time we came face-to-face. I have hated him for that. I knew and cared abt him in all ways that were possible. But people around me, who were kind of close to both of us said, ‘u r wasting time’.
‘I know’ I thought.
Why can’t he come soon and why cant the jerk who is been holding him talking something let him go?’ I thought.
Hah, finally he finished his long conversation and joined us at the table. ‘Don’t be so obvious. He is going to have a private laugh at u for this’. I said to myself and tried to look politely normal. Fate! Why does he have to sit next to me? I was becoming overly conscious again.
‘Shall we order?’ I asked to awkwardly. Amisha giggled. I wanted to stamp her feet and ask her to stay silent. Shruthi and Rishi started talking about some common friend of their. When I was slowly getting used to his presence, I tried to join the conversation but in vain. I couldn’t find any place where they came to a more common plane. So I let them carry on with their talks and turned to the menu card. When the waiter came, I looked at them all, and Shruthi said, ‘Let the B’Day baby order first’.
‘Ok’, I said. ‘I would like to have baby corn soup’. Suddenly Rishi said, ‘I would have one too’ and smiled. Continuing with the order as if I hadn’t heard this I said ‘And 2 butter rotis with aloo mutter’. ‘Make that two’, he said and smiled again. Damn what was his idea? I said ‘Apple milk shake’, which was followed by his ‘me too’. Now, this is the limit. Was he trying to embarrass me? I looked up from the menu book and saw him positively smiling at me. Why was he doing that? Unaware of this, the others were placing their orders. When I thought I could secretly steal another look at him, he was continuing his conversation with Shruthi again. This time Rahul was also a part. Slowly the conversation shifted to a more known area – college. Each one reminiscently told some incidents of their college days. I have heard Shruthi’s and Amisha’s story over and over again, I could tell those stories as they would tell. Rahul had so many funny stories to add, and when we were having a great time, the food arrived bringing me back to the present. The time between the order- and serving was so fun-filled that I quite forgot about the thing that I had sworn to myself that I would tell them.
‘I don’t have to tell them’, I had contemplated. Though there were differences and bitter memories amongst us, they were the people I cared about so much, that I wanted them to know this. They were the people who stood by my side not only during happy moments but also during tough times. I dint realize that I had abandoned the act of eating and had become so absorbed with the spoon, until Rahul asked ‘Oi! What’s up?’
That was my cue. I started ‘Hmm.’. ‘No, how the hell did I think I could pull it through.’
‘U have to’, I told myself. I tried again ‘I just wanted to…Hmmm..u know….say this… well ..The thing is ….u know….’
‘Hey what’s wrong?’
I look at Shruthi with a blank stare. She shook me and asked ‘WHAT?’
I told myself, ‘It’s now or never’. With sudden rush of emotion I said ‘I’m going to get engaged!’ I had expected their reactions. But nothing I had ever expected had prepared me for that. They were looking at me as if I had lost my mind. I mastered my impulse and looked in his way. He was also wearing an odd look. Something was wrong or was I missing something important. Slowly Amisha asked “What about….?’ That was the last thing I wanted to hear and talk about. I dint want to answer, suddenly I felt very angry and I was urging to say “What about what? Of all the time u could have asked u dint and when I don’t want to hear that question u are asking me’. But I knew very well what the question actually meant. So I resigned to silence and stared at my spoon. Slowly my anger ebbed away and I felt like I have lost a very treasure-able possession. I felt like I was going to cry. I could not believe I could cry, for him.
When was the last time I cried for him? Second-year? I had vowed to myself that never again will I cry for some one. They were all still silent. Couldn’t they say something? Tears started pouring out from my eyes.
A hand gently rested on my shoulder. Feeling bad that I had spoiled their fun evening, I croaked ‘I’m sorry’ without even looking up. I heard another voice ‘I’m sorry too!’ It wouldn’t take a genius to guess the voice of a person who had been their passion for 4 years. In a surprise I turned around. The distance from which I heard the voice should have told me that he was very close by. I turned and looked up into his eyes. I felt like he had meant that he was sorry. Boring into those green eyes, I felt all those years of longing, waiting and anticipation over power me. I wished I would not cry. He slowly inched forward and as lightly as a breeze brushed his lips on my cheek. Man, what was he doing? With confusion and a slight blush I looked at him. He slowly arranged my hair lock that was falling on my forehead.
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Even in that bliss, I thought, ‘What a weird ring tone?’
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
The sound had partly brought me back and I started to wonder ‘Why can’t he just pick it up?’
*
I felt a tug on my left sleeve. I turned and saw my colleague Pranathi staring at me. Wasn’t Amisha supposed to be there? Where is she?
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Da, just pick it up. Or just cut it out.
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
‘Will ya just cut it out?’
“Cut it out, I will. But u will miss your stop’. I heard Pranathi say.
‘What the…?’
I croakily said, ‘Have we reached?’
A sense of loss washed over me. ‘We are almost there. What’s up? Night-out effect? It was like the hundredth time I called u?’ I know she was talking to me. I barely heard. The tears seemed real. She was still talking. She gave me a slight push and said ‘Move on’.
“Ya I need to move on! “
*
*
I had reached the Crammin restaurant. It was a cool and breezy evening in Bangalore and I was waiting for my friends to come and join me. Just then I had called Amisha and it seemed like she is on her way along with her colleague Rahul. Shruthi already had told me she will a bit late. They were my best pals and we were meeting after a very long time.
I spent the next few minutes window shopping and looking at my watch and finally, Amisha and Rahul arrived. I saw that she was carrying a bag.
‘Ok. Not bad’, I smiled to myself.
‘What kept u guys so long?’
‘Traffic’ said Amisha, cutting in with a smile before Rahul started to answer.
‘You don’t have to lie’, I thought.
Then we moved to the table reserved for us. The place was less crowded.
’It’s a bit early’, I thought. The restaurant had many tables fitted in neatly in the small place; each table had a vase placed in the centre, with some flowers in them. The ambiance was good and the soft music was very soothing and romantic.
In not more than 5 minutes Shruthi joined us. ‘Hi kids!’, Shruthi said in her sweet voice. I always loved her voice and her cheerful tone.
‘Hi’ we chorused back. She took a chair near Rahul. Quite predictable for a girl friend. And then she laid out a box in front of me. I knew what it was though I pretended like I dint care.
‘There is no need for that. You know this is for u’, she said with a smile and pushed the box towards me. As I was opening my box, she said ‘Happy Birthday’. I smiled back and noticed that the card read ‘From us!’ .Very typical of her and Rahul. Then Amisha gave me her present. A hand made card and a hand made jewel box ; typical of her too. Shruthi and Amisha excused themselves to the restroom. Rahul got a call he went outside to attend it as the signal was quite bad inside the building.
I was touched by the effort Amisha has taken for my sake; felt it was the act of true love. But few people I knew thought otherwise, like she was too lazy and miserly to get a present.
‘Let’s not get into that. That did not matter much.’ I said to myself. ‘What mattered much was I’m very happy and content at this moment.’
The surroundings, gifts and spending an evening with my close pals, had had that effect on me. There was also the prospect of meeting someone whom I have not met in like a year, and had always wanted to meet once I graduated out of college, also was hoping to exchange a word or two with him. Rishi Kumar was my college mate.
‘Ok. Ok. Not just college mate’ I smiled.
I meet him on my first train journey back home. Never did I know him or have seen him before, but I was mildly interested then.
‘The actual story would go on for pages.’ I thought reminiscently.
The fact was that, this “mildly interested” thing - fuelled by numerous “Info” and accidental meetings- slowly became “interested” and “liking” and much more.
The news of he, being a guy so close to my heart, slowly became a universal secret. Though he was aware of this entire episode he never responded. This encouraged my feelings even further. Never did I realize that it was not because he dint care that he dint respond but because he was not interested. This came as a huge blow; the only guy that I ever fell for is not interested in me.
‘Hullo! Madam, are we going to order?’! They had all come back just then. ‘I had an early lunch and I’m starving. Moreover this restaurant has a reputation of “quick” service’, Rahul said.
‘Hey! This place was your choice’, I said. ‘Ya u can go ahead. But I thought we can order once he too joined us’.
‘Who?’ questioned Amisha, who was un-characteristically silent for all this while, which was not at all a good sign. Not a good sign at all. I sensed some mischievous plan brewing inside.
I looked at Shruthi, who had this she-asked-u-not-me expression on her face.
‘Fine’ But I was saved the work, as I saw him enter the restaurant. ‘Now why do I have to have a silly smile on the face and why dose my heart race at this pace?’
Rhyme and Rhythm! These things happened every time when I saw him and that time was no exception. He was fast approaching us. As he came near our table, some one stopped him and started talking. As that guy happened to be a boss of Amisha and Rahul they left to greet him. ‘World is so small!’ I thought.
Even though I was aware of his feeling and he of mine, we had hardly spoken to each other, if you don’t consider the customary ‘hello’ when being introduced. We had been introduced at least a dozen times to each other, but he would not bother to smile back or act as if we knew each other the next time we came face-to-face. I have hated him for that. I knew and cared abt him in all ways that were possible. But people around me, who were kind of close to both of us said, ‘u r wasting time’.
‘I know’ I thought.
Why can’t he come soon and why cant the jerk who is been holding him talking something let him go?’ I thought.
Hah, finally he finished his long conversation and joined us at the table. ‘Don’t be so obvious. He is going to have a private laugh at u for this’. I said to myself and tried to look politely normal. Fate! Why does he have to sit next to me? I was becoming overly conscious again.
‘Shall we order?’ I asked to awkwardly. Amisha giggled. I wanted to stamp her feet and ask her to stay silent. Shruthi and Rishi started talking about some common friend of their. When I was slowly getting used to his presence, I tried to join the conversation but in vain. I couldn’t find any place where they came to a more common plane. So I let them carry on with their talks and turned to the menu card. When the waiter came, I looked at them all, and Shruthi said, ‘Let the B’Day baby order first’.
‘Ok’, I said. ‘I would like to have baby corn soup’. Suddenly Rishi said, ‘I would have one too’ and smiled. Continuing with the order as if I hadn’t heard this I said ‘And 2 butter rotis with aloo mutter’. ‘Make that two’, he said and smiled again. Damn what was his idea? I said ‘Apple milk shake’, which was followed by his ‘me too’. Now, this is the limit. Was he trying to embarrass me? I looked up from the menu book and saw him positively smiling at me. Why was he doing that? Unaware of this, the others were placing their orders. When I thought I could secretly steal another look at him, he was continuing his conversation with Shruthi again. This time Rahul was also a part. Slowly the conversation shifted to a more known area – college. Each one reminiscently told some incidents of their college days. I have heard Shruthi’s and Amisha’s story over and over again, I could tell those stories as they would tell. Rahul had so many funny stories to add, and when we were having a great time, the food arrived bringing me back to the present. The time between the order- and serving was so fun-filled that I quite forgot about the thing that I had sworn to myself that I would tell them.
‘I don’t have to tell them’, I had contemplated. Though there were differences and bitter memories amongst us, they were the people I cared about so much, that I wanted them to know this. They were the people who stood by my side not only during happy moments but also during tough times. I dint realize that I had abandoned the act of eating and had become so absorbed with the spoon, until Rahul asked ‘Oi! What’s up?’
That was my cue. I started ‘Hmm.’. ‘No, how the hell did I think I could pull it through.’
‘U have to’, I told myself. I tried again ‘I just wanted to…Hmmm..u know….say this… well ..The thing is ….u know….’
‘Hey what’s wrong?’
I look at Shruthi with a blank stare. She shook me and asked ‘WHAT?’
I told myself, ‘It’s now or never’. With sudden rush of emotion I said ‘I’m going to get engaged!’ I had expected their reactions. But nothing I had ever expected had prepared me for that. They were looking at me as if I had lost my mind. I mastered my impulse and looked in his way. He was also wearing an odd look. Something was wrong or was I missing something important. Slowly Amisha asked “What about….?’ That was the last thing I wanted to hear and talk about. I dint want to answer, suddenly I felt very angry and I was urging to say “What about what? Of all the time u could have asked u dint and when I don’t want to hear that question u are asking me’. But I knew very well what the question actually meant. So I resigned to silence and stared at my spoon. Slowly my anger ebbed away and I felt like I have lost a very treasure-able possession. I felt like I was going to cry. I could not believe I could cry, for him.
When was the last time I cried for him? Second-year? I had vowed to myself that never again will I cry for some one. They were all still silent. Couldn’t they say something? Tears started pouring out from my eyes.
A hand gently rested on my shoulder. Feeling bad that I had spoiled their fun evening, I croaked ‘I’m sorry’ without even looking up. I heard another voice ‘I’m sorry too!’ It wouldn’t take a genius to guess the voice of a person who had been their passion for 4 years. In a surprise I turned around. The distance from which I heard the voice should have told me that he was very close by. I turned and looked up into his eyes. I felt like he had meant that he was sorry. Boring into those green eyes, I felt all those years of longing, waiting and anticipation over power me. I wished I would not cry. He slowly inched forward and as lightly as a breeze brushed his lips on my cheek. Man, what was he doing? With confusion and a slight blush I looked at him. He slowly arranged my hair lock that was falling on my forehead.
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Even in that bliss, I thought, ‘What a weird ring tone?’
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
The sound had partly brought me back and I started to wonder ‘Why can’t he just pick it up?’
*
I felt a tug on my left sleeve. I turned and saw my colleague Pranathi staring at me. Wasn’t Amisha supposed to be there? Where is she?
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Da, just pick it up. Or just cut it out.
Hoooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
‘Will ya just cut it out?’
“Cut it out, I will. But u will miss your stop’. I heard Pranathi say.
‘What the…?’
I croakily said, ‘Have we reached?’
A sense of loss washed over me. ‘We are almost there. What’s up? Night-out effect? It was like the hundredth time I called u?’ I know she was talking to me. I barely heard. The tears seemed real. She was still talking. She gave me a slight push and said ‘Move on’.
“Ya I need to move on! “
*
Monday, July 4, 2005
Loss or Lack?
At times we are happy and elate
Having achieved a feet,
When it feels we have the world
We are so content for words…
At times when frustration has no bound
And in self-pity we ground,
Of loss or failure
We are so choked to talk…
At times when we are near
To someone who is secretly dear,
When time does not move on
We are so thrilled for words…
At times when we are desperate
For any help tiny and need’nt be great
When there shines some hope
We are so grateful to talk…
At times we urge to utter
Words- of consequences we shudder,
Then life would never be the same
Again we play that game…
Amidst the roaring waves,
Singing winds and running thoughts-
There is a pause so wise!
It adds to the music so nice…
To converse, thank or criticize!
These words- says it all
And says it best…
Having achieved a feet,
When it feels we have the world
We are so content for words…
At times when frustration has no bound
And in self-pity we ground,
Of loss or failure
We are so choked to talk…
At times when we are near
To someone who is secretly dear,
When time does not move on
We are so thrilled for words…
At times when we are desperate
For any help tiny and need’nt be great
When there shines some hope
We are so grateful to talk…
At times we urge to utter
Words- of consequences we shudder,
Then life would never be the same
Again we play that game…
Amidst the roaring waves,
Singing winds and running thoughts-
There is a pause so wise!
It adds to the music so nice…
To converse, thank or criticize!
These words- says it all
And says it best…
Somewhere I dont belong
My long hours at work will explain my absence from blog world. As a project delivery had been made on Friday and as my mentor has not checked in yet,I thought I will pen down about an incident that happened last week.
Last Thursday, just a day before the project delivery, I had planned to leave by the bus that leaves my campus at 8 p.m. Almost by 7.30 p.m, work for the day was done and I was waiting up for my friend Rhea to wind up her work. As I had taken up as an assignment to read Senor's blog in recent times, I was so engrossed in that to notice that I had just 10 minutes for the bus. So I signaled Rhea to hasten up. She was on the phone discussing certain project related issues with her onsite. So I conveyed to her that I’ll be leaving and asked her to join me later. With that I left my work area and started walking towards the bus terminus. The time on my mobile indicated that I had 10 more minutes. So I took the longer route to the terminus only to find my bus, within 10 feet distance from me, leaving the terminus. I had no other option but to use the public transport service.
Resigning to my fate and cursing my luck I started walking down the street to the check post, which is at the far end of the lane where the local buses stop. On the way to the check post, which is about a 15 minutes walk from my office campus, I was thinking about my stupidity not to realize that my mobile has been set to an incorrect time all along. Also I realized that I was so engrossed in his words and thought process and that I had not totally come out of that.
Finally after the long walk I reached the check post. The place was sparsely crowded. There were people after Celebrating work, few daily wagers, one or two beggars, and few people lost in their own thoughts. I had never used the local buses from office. So was not really sure if there will come a bus to my place from this junction. Slowly more people joined in the wait for the buses. Why does that, it always have to be the other end of the junction from where I’m standing that more buses frequent. Relativity, huh?? It was a excruciatingly long wait. There was a lady standing beside me, waiting for the bus. I was so very tempted to ask her whether it is from here that I have to board a bus to my place. I dint want to end up in waiting in a wrong terminus all the while. But the egoist in me will never let me do that. So there occurred a moral conflict between the egoistic me and the tired(of walking, waiting) me. But to save much trouble, the bus soon arrived loaded with people. I never had a fleeting thought that the crowd in the junction was actually waiting for that particular bus. As the bus halted to a stop, the crowd rushed to get into the already pregnant bus. I still think, if the people had got in slowly all of us could have got into the bus without much scratches and shouting.
Once inside the bus, I had no other thing to do but to watch people around me. There was this gang of college girls who were really very loud. Being in this city for so long, I’m definitely not a stranger to noise, but at the end of a long day, in an over-crowded bus, the idea of high-decibel talks were not all that entertaining. Once all were inside (though looking at the foot-boarders, one wouldn’t say so) the bus slowly started moving along the rough and uneven road. The gang of girls had so much to share, but too little space. So their voices echoed multiple times louder than what would have been my tolerance level. But couldn’t do much, could I? This was not all. There was another gang consisting of we-are-the-hunks-in-town men, who were passing obscene comments in low voices at the girls, and not so obscene but stupid remarks at the woman folk in general in loud voices. This is exactly why I don’t like Tam guys, or for that matter- guys. Some guys, usually from the government colleges (though not all, of course) think their only purpose of existence during their teenage and prime twenties is cat-calling women (age no bar!!). Anyways, the not-so–quite gang was definitely not thinking in my lines, as they were evidently enjoying the attention of the gang of guys, which added to the further increase in the decibel level of them. Adding to my irritation co-efficient, were few men who where unable to stand on their own legs but to lean forward, backward, whatever ward on people (read women) before them.
Over all a thoroughly distressing experience! What with a gang of girls who want people to take notice of them; a gang of guys who would have qualified first hand, if there had been a competition for the people using dirtiest of words; men who wish to unload their burden on to women nearby, women who had to discuss about their domestic problems with another person who is on the other side of the aisle; the conductor who just refuses to come and give tickets to passengers; the driver who would realize that he is within inches from another vehicle in the front only when he is actually in inches with it and would apply the brakes causing the bus to make a screeching halt; the driver and conductors attitude to over load an already overloaded bus; the collective smell of crowd; the dirty seats; comments in varying levels of decency on the bus roof and the sides….what not.
Finally the bus halted in the place where I have to alight, I jumped down from the bus and started walking in brisk pace and slowed down only when I have put a considerable distance between me and the mad crowd, and walked into the sophistication to where I belong. I have decided never to be late for my company bus ever again.
Last Thursday, just a day before the project delivery, I had planned to leave by the bus that leaves my campus at 8 p.m. Almost by 7.30 p.m, work for the day was done and I was waiting up for my friend Rhea to wind up her work. As I had taken up as an assignment to read Senor's blog in recent times, I was so engrossed in that to notice that I had just 10 minutes for the bus. So I signaled Rhea to hasten up. She was on the phone discussing certain project related issues with her onsite. So I conveyed to her that I’ll be leaving and asked her to join me later. With that I left my work area and started walking towards the bus terminus. The time on my mobile indicated that I had 10 more minutes. So I took the longer route to the terminus only to find my bus, within 10 feet distance from me, leaving the terminus. I had no other option but to use the public transport service.
Resigning to my fate and cursing my luck I started walking down the street to the check post, which is at the far end of the lane where the local buses stop. On the way to the check post, which is about a 15 minutes walk from my office campus, I was thinking about my stupidity not to realize that my mobile has been set to an incorrect time all along. Also I realized that I was so engrossed in his words and thought process and that I had not totally come out of that.
Finally after the long walk I reached the check post. The place was sparsely crowded. There were people after Celebrating work, few daily wagers, one or two beggars, and few people lost in their own thoughts. I had never used the local buses from office. So was not really sure if there will come a bus to my place from this junction. Slowly more people joined in the wait for the buses. Why does that, it always have to be the other end of the junction from where I’m standing that more buses frequent. Relativity, huh?? It was a excruciatingly long wait. There was a lady standing beside me, waiting for the bus. I was so very tempted to ask her whether it is from here that I have to board a bus to my place. I dint want to end up in waiting in a wrong terminus all the while. But the egoist in me will never let me do that. So there occurred a moral conflict between the egoistic me and the tired(of walking, waiting) me. But to save much trouble, the bus soon arrived loaded with people. I never had a fleeting thought that the crowd in the junction was actually waiting for that particular bus. As the bus halted to a stop, the crowd rushed to get into the already pregnant bus. I still think, if the people had got in slowly all of us could have got into the bus without much scratches and shouting.
Once inside the bus, I had no other thing to do but to watch people around me. There was this gang of college girls who were really very loud. Being in this city for so long, I’m definitely not a stranger to noise, but at the end of a long day, in an over-crowded bus, the idea of high-decibel talks were not all that entertaining. Once all were inside (though looking at the foot-boarders, one wouldn’t say so) the bus slowly started moving along the rough and uneven road. The gang of girls had so much to share, but too little space. So their voices echoed multiple times louder than what would have been my tolerance level. But couldn’t do much, could I? This was not all. There was another gang consisting of we-are-the-hunks-in-town men, who were passing obscene comments in low voices at the girls, and not so obscene but stupid remarks at the woman folk in general in loud voices. This is exactly why I don’t like Tam guys, or for that matter- guys. Some guys, usually from the government colleges (though not all, of course) think their only purpose of existence during their teenage and prime twenties is cat-calling women (age no bar!!). Anyways, the not-so–quite gang was definitely not thinking in my lines, as they were evidently enjoying the attention of the gang of guys, which added to the further increase in the decibel level of them. Adding to my irritation co-efficient, were few men who where unable to stand on their own legs but to lean forward, backward, whatever ward on people (read women) before them.
Over all a thoroughly distressing experience! What with a gang of girls who want people to take notice of them; a gang of guys who would have qualified first hand, if there had been a competition for the people using dirtiest of words; men who wish to unload their burden on to women nearby, women who had to discuss about their domestic problems with another person who is on the other side of the aisle; the conductor who just refuses to come and give tickets to passengers; the driver who would realize that he is within inches from another vehicle in the front only when he is actually in inches with it and would apply the brakes causing the bus to make a screeching halt; the driver and conductors attitude to over load an already overloaded bus; the collective smell of crowd; the dirty seats; comments in varying levels of decency on the bus roof and the sides….what not.
Finally the bus halted in the place where I have to alight, I jumped down from the bus and started walking in brisk pace and slowed down only when I have put a considerable distance between me and the mad crowd, and walked into the sophistication to where I belong. I have decided never to be late for my company bus ever again.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
He Who Comes From Hell Is Not Afraid Of Ashes
The much awaited and hyped about movie of the Tamil film industry – ‘Anniyan’ was released on the 17th of June. It has been in production for a year and a half and the date of release has been eluding us for the past few months. But the movie has proved worth the wait. The sheer directorial brilliance of Shankar and the sincerity and dedication that Vikram has put in this movie is truly amazing. Each scene is poetry in bright hues.
Alike Indian, Gentleman – previous installments of Shankar- the theme in this is also about a person trying to weed the society of people who does not follow the rules , but this time it is without any sort of vulgarity, (which was wee bit high in Boys than his previous movies.)This movie is not so much unquie in the concept from the director's line work, but it is different in the sense that it is the alter of a person who strictly abides by the rules and who does the cleansing work - an instance of Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). Shankar has time and again proven he is a commercial, mass director who is capable of taking up a thin story line and drawing out of it a larger than life character, who will linger in your heart for some time to come. ‘Anniyan’ is one such extravaganza which carries a message in a grand fashion, so very typical of the director.
The story is simple. It is about Ramanugam Ayyangar a.k.a Ambi, who is a disciplinarian and who also expects the people around him to follow the rules. He is unable to come in terms with the society where everything is corrupt and where no body has the least respect for fellow beings. Bursts out of him an alter who takes unto him the responsibility of freeing the society of those who waver from the norms. In another track, a funny one, Ambi is in love with his neighbor Nandini, who is clearly annoyed by his one-should-not-break-rule stand. He is nonchalantly turned down by her. Comes out another alter Remo- the ramp walk model who is the exactly the type of person for whom Nandini will fall for.
Ambi is soft-spoken and is of the type who cries his heart out for those who suffer at the hands of this society. ‘Anniyan’ is ruthless, arrogant and religiously follows the Garudapuranam – a book which vividly describes the punishments met out to people after death based on the sins they have committed during their life time. Remo is cool, chill and a cho-chweet kind of a guy. Actor Vikram brings out these three different personalities as three different individual persons. He has lived as these characters. Kudos to him! Sure deserves an award.
The one of the many strong pillars of this movie is undoubtedly the dialogue, by veteran writer Sujatha. The writer has sword for a pen. The part where ‘Anniyan’ lectures about why India, rich in resource and culture, but is still a developing country, while some other countries like Japan, Singapore has made tremendous growth in just 25 years. ‘Anniyan’ at a point says, “as we all know that murder, robbery, rape are strictly punishable by law, we defer from doing that. But these minor issues like respect for fellow being, responsible for one’s own work go unnoticed by law and people also escape using the loops in the system” are all sharp and means well.
As the dialogues are simple and as the story deals with the issues that we may face in day to day life, it sure does strike a chord at one point or the other and would appeal to all class of audience.
The song sequences – be it in the foreign locales or sets in studios are extra ordinary. Music is quite refreshing. Though a slightly more effort in choreography, would have exuded magic. Other support stars have also done a great job. PrakashRaj is his brilliant self, Vivek is exuberant and Sadha is a ravishing in all those beautiful outfits. Special mention about the camera crew for that stunt in the hall which portrays undying energy and keeps you gripped. It is a standing example for the fact that Indian movie especially Tamil cinema is moving in the creative and competitive direction. The Time-slice technology though new to Tamil cinema (replica of Matrix stunts) is a definite thing to watch out for in the movie.
Though there are few unanswered loops mainly like for instance the need for the web-site to track the evil-doers when it is shown that the alter surfaces only when Ambi is in one way or the other personally affected/involved or is directly witnessing a crime, they don’t affect the plot very much.
All in all the movie starts like a trickling rivulet and as it goes gathers force and gushes like an angry stream and when it culminates leaves an un-quenching thirst for more. A wholesome entertainer - gives you a satisfaction of watching a good movie after a long time.
Alike Indian, Gentleman – previous installments of Shankar- the theme in this is also about a person trying to weed the society of people who does not follow the rules , but this time it is without any sort of vulgarity, (which was wee bit high in Boys than his previous movies.)This movie is not so much unquie in the concept from the director's line work, but it is different in the sense that it is the alter of a person who strictly abides by the rules and who does the cleansing work - an instance of Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). Shankar has time and again proven he is a commercial, mass director who is capable of taking up a thin story line and drawing out of it a larger than life character, who will linger in your heart for some time to come. ‘Anniyan’ is one such extravaganza which carries a message in a grand fashion, so very typical of the director.
The story is simple. It is about Ramanugam Ayyangar a.k.a Ambi, who is a disciplinarian and who also expects the people around him to follow the rules. He is unable to come in terms with the society where everything is corrupt and where no body has the least respect for fellow beings. Bursts out of him an alter who takes unto him the responsibility of freeing the society of those who waver from the norms. In another track, a funny one, Ambi is in love with his neighbor Nandini, who is clearly annoyed by his one-should-not-break-rule stand. He is nonchalantly turned down by her. Comes out another alter Remo- the ramp walk model who is the exactly the type of person for whom Nandini will fall for.
Ambi is soft-spoken and is of the type who cries his heart out for those who suffer at the hands of this society. ‘Anniyan’ is ruthless, arrogant and religiously follows the Garudapuranam – a book which vividly describes the punishments met out to people after death based on the sins they have committed during their life time. Remo is cool, chill and a cho-chweet kind of a guy. Actor Vikram brings out these three different personalities as three different individual persons. He has lived as these characters. Kudos to him! Sure deserves an award.
The one of the many strong pillars of this movie is undoubtedly the dialogue, by veteran writer Sujatha. The writer has sword for a pen. The part where ‘Anniyan’ lectures about why India, rich in resource and culture, but is still a developing country, while some other countries like Japan, Singapore has made tremendous growth in just 25 years. ‘Anniyan’ at a point says, “as we all know that murder, robbery, rape are strictly punishable by law, we defer from doing that. But these minor issues like respect for fellow being, responsible for one’s own work go unnoticed by law and people also escape using the loops in the system” are all sharp and means well.
As the dialogues are simple and as the story deals with the issues that we may face in day to day life, it sure does strike a chord at one point or the other and would appeal to all class of audience.
The song sequences – be it in the foreign locales or sets in studios are extra ordinary. Music is quite refreshing. Though a slightly more effort in choreography, would have exuded magic. Other support stars have also done a great job. PrakashRaj is his brilliant self, Vivek is exuberant and Sadha is a ravishing in all those beautiful outfits. Special mention about the camera crew for that stunt in the hall which portrays undying energy and keeps you gripped. It is a standing example for the fact that Indian movie especially Tamil cinema is moving in the creative and competitive direction. The Time-slice technology though new to Tamil cinema (replica of Matrix stunts) is a definite thing to watch out for in the movie.
Though there are few unanswered loops mainly like for instance the need for the web-site to track the evil-doers when it is shown that the alter surfaces only when Ambi is in one way or the other personally affected/involved or is directly witnessing a crime, they don’t affect the plot very much.
All in all the movie starts like a trickling rivulet and as it goes gathers force and gushes like an angry stream and when it culminates leaves an un-quenching thirst for more. A wholesome entertainer - gives you a satisfaction of watching a good movie after a long time.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Coffee Confusion...
There have been times when I have cribbed at lengths about the amount of work I’m expected to complete in a day. But now when there is no work, that requires immediate attention, I’m lying down my sword and accepting that work is good, and work pressure is bliss. Philosophically, if there is no work, create work. So here comes another blog.
Ever since I joined this profession I’m fighting against a dangerous enemy who shows his ugly fangs at the post lunch hours. As there was no assignments assigned to me for the day, and after the prompt mail checking, gossip updates, enquiring about the days plan with my senior – a ritual I had learnt (the hard way) from my previous project and which I follow religiously – I felt my sweet enemy trying to power me in the morning itself. So I and Rhea – who knows about this enemy, decided that we shall break the monotone and get some coffee. On the way we caught up on the project-happenings and the updates about yesterdays treat (which in itself qualifies for a blog, will give it soon).
As I was bored these days with the milk I get from the vending machines, I opted for Cappacino and she, for Expresso. We waited for the lift all engrossed about the talk we just had. And when the lift arrived few more people got in with us. I usually prefer the stairs to lifts for four reasons. Firstly I have this, I don’t know, stupid u may call, feeling that I need some exercise in the day. And secondly I hate the feeling when the lift comes to a halt, when it feels like suddenly all the blood in the head is rushing down. Or is it going up? I don’t know. But I don’t quite enjoy it. And thirdly I strongly doubt if I’m Claustrophobic!! And it’s just the second floor.
Today I was experiencing the feeling of blood rushing (up or down? Does it really matter??) with eyes closed and hands holding a coffee mug, when the lift door opened and in a urge to escape this closed cube I made a move forward only to bump onto Rhea (who had not budged to step out assuming we were one floor below our floor) and spill the steaming hot coffee on to me and some on to the floor. Coming back to full senses I realize people out there were staring with an odd look. ‘Ok, that’s a genuine mistake!’ I braced myself. We were the only two people in the cube now and then came in a guy and lady. As I was standing near the button panel I pressed the button to the 2nd floor and was waiting for the lift, but as per luck will have it, the lift door just refused to close. I decided to try one final time, and pressed once more the round button marked 2. Then I heard the newly entered lady saying something. Only then I noticed that the guy beside her was mischievously grinning. I heard the lady say, again, “This IS the 2nd floor. Where more do you want to go?”, loud and clear.
It’s so embarrassing. You probably have no idea!!
P.S: As an after thought, only such trivialities make life funny and sometimes easy to bear – The optimistic me!!!
Ever since I joined this profession I’m fighting against a dangerous enemy who shows his ugly fangs at the post lunch hours. As there was no assignments assigned to me for the day, and after the prompt mail checking, gossip updates, enquiring about the days plan with my senior – a ritual I had learnt (the hard way) from my previous project and which I follow religiously – I felt my sweet enemy trying to power me in the morning itself. So I and Rhea – who knows about this enemy, decided that we shall break the monotone and get some coffee. On the way we caught up on the project-happenings and the updates about yesterdays treat (which in itself qualifies for a blog, will give it soon).
As I was bored these days with the milk I get from the vending machines, I opted for Cappacino and she, for Expresso. We waited for the lift all engrossed about the talk we just had. And when the lift arrived few more people got in with us. I usually prefer the stairs to lifts for four reasons. Firstly I have this, I don’t know, stupid u may call, feeling that I need some exercise in the day. And secondly I hate the feeling when the lift comes to a halt, when it feels like suddenly all the blood in the head is rushing down. Or is it going up? I don’t know. But I don’t quite enjoy it. And thirdly I strongly doubt if I’m Claustrophobic!! And it’s just the second floor.
Today I was experiencing the feeling of blood rushing (up or down? Does it really matter??) with eyes closed and hands holding a coffee mug, when the lift door opened and in a urge to escape this closed cube I made a move forward only to bump onto Rhea (who had not budged to step out assuming we were one floor below our floor) and spill the steaming hot coffee on to me and some on to the floor. Coming back to full senses I realize people out there were staring with an odd look. ‘Ok, that’s a genuine mistake!’ I braced myself. We were the only two people in the cube now and then came in a guy and lady. As I was standing near the button panel I pressed the button to the 2nd floor and was waiting for the lift, but as per luck will have it, the lift door just refused to close. I decided to try one final time, and pressed once more the round button marked 2. Then I heard the newly entered lady saying something. Only then I noticed that the guy beside her was mischievously grinning. I heard the lady say, again, “This IS the 2nd floor. Where more do you want to go?”, loud and clear.
It’s so embarrassing. You probably have no idea!!
P.S: As an after thought, only such trivialities make life funny and sometimes easy to bear – The optimistic me!!!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Existence
Waking up in the morning - when u are having the warm covers around you and when your dreams are still lingering in yours eyes and when the world is decorated in dull shades of orange and when the load of that day’s chores hits you - is something which most of us think is the biggest punishment. Well, she is one of such kind too. Her days generally starts when her mom’s voice come floating in the air. That only awakens her senses and will she realize the magical smell of coffee and flowers around her. Had not for her mothers call, she would be in bed the whole day and miss the full beauty of nature - another day.
She starts her day at the mercy of her mother.
Traveling is something which she does not generally prefer to engage herself in. But given that she is a working woman and needs to be her office at the sharp strike of the clock she has no other option but to use company’s bus service. Every day during that battle with her mom for gaining that extra five minutes to stay in bed – which will be turned down by her mom anyways – her only motivation to step out of the bed will be the thought of bus ride where she can catch up on that heavenly minutes lost. But if the bus driver plays around with brakes and horns or if her co passengers discuss about issues that are of no importance to anybody living and in the vigor of that interesting conversation keep pulling her seats back hold, the heavenly minutes will turn out to be a pain.
She commutes at the mercy of her co-passengers
She is a Software Engineer by profession. Her working culture is pretty cool. But to work in peace she would not want any sort of disturbances from her neighbors. Of course! If the person next to her plays loud music, or talks perennially on mobile, pass abusive comments about some body in the organization or burps loudly, or is reluctant to help she gets distracted.
She works productively at the mercy of her colleagues
Weekends are the only time she gets to catch up on her rest factor. At home people understand her need to rest and don’t generally disturb her afternoon naps. But if the neighbor decides to nail their family photograph on the wall, or if he decides to rearrange their furniture or decide to watch his favorite movie or cricket in the television, she could not sleep properly and that disturbed sleep ends up in headache.
She sleeps peacefully at the mercy of the neighbors.
Riding her bike is one of her passion. The only time she gets to drive that is in the morning. Such early morning drives in the roads are not only relaxing it is also a good exercise. To have a safe drive and to reach the destination safely, it is not enough if one knows the road rules and drive accordingly. The person should be in synch with the other drivers also. The morning commuters are used to not having traffic at that hour and so would not mind any road rules. So if some one crossed the road at the wrong place or without any signal or any such mis- happening tend to irritate her and spoils her mood.
She enjoys her drive at the mercy of other drivers.
These are few instances of her life.
Funny though, she claims she leads an ‘independent’ life.
She starts her day at the mercy of her mother.
Traveling is something which she does not generally prefer to engage herself in. But given that she is a working woman and needs to be her office at the sharp strike of the clock she has no other option but to use company’s bus service. Every day during that battle with her mom for gaining that extra five minutes to stay in bed – which will be turned down by her mom anyways – her only motivation to step out of the bed will be the thought of bus ride where she can catch up on that heavenly minutes lost. But if the bus driver plays around with brakes and horns or if her co passengers discuss about issues that are of no importance to anybody living and in the vigor of that interesting conversation keep pulling her seats back hold, the heavenly minutes will turn out to be a pain.
She commutes at the mercy of her co-passengers
She is a Software Engineer by profession. Her working culture is pretty cool. But to work in peace she would not want any sort of disturbances from her neighbors. Of course! If the person next to her plays loud music, or talks perennially on mobile, pass abusive comments about some body in the organization or burps loudly, or is reluctant to help she gets distracted.
She works productively at the mercy of her colleagues
Weekends are the only time she gets to catch up on her rest factor. At home people understand her need to rest and don’t generally disturb her afternoon naps. But if the neighbor decides to nail their family photograph on the wall, or if he decides to rearrange their furniture or decide to watch his favorite movie or cricket in the television, she could not sleep properly and that disturbed sleep ends up in headache.
She sleeps peacefully at the mercy of the neighbors.
Riding her bike is one of her passion. The only time she gets to drive that is in the morning. Such early morning drives in the roads are not only relaxing it is also a good exercise. To have a safe drive and to reach the destination safely, it is not enough if one knows the road rules and drive accordingly. The person should be in synch with the other drivers also. The morning commuters are used to not having traffic at that hour and so would not mind any road rules. So if some one crossed the road at the wrong place or without any signal or any such mis- happening tend to irritate her and spoils her mood.
She enjoys her drive at the mercy of other drivers.
These are few instances of her life.
Funny though, she claims she leads an ‘independent’ life.
Monday, May 23, 2005
I'm Confused~
What can I say about -
The way I’m feeling…
Fear of failure…
Afraid of losing face….
Coming down in heaps…
Or, just insecurity
I know the going is not bad…
Not that it’s all I’ve had
My heart and mind are
Across regions
Beyond reasoning…
Far from sanity..
A question -
Do you from me
Expect to excel in all
Things ventured…
Win over hurdles in all
Problems faced….
Then there’s news…
I mite have failed
May not be the smartest of lot
Also, not the worst shot…
I try to exemplify,
For huge success I try.
Can conquer- I hope.
With hard-work I cope!
Sometimes I fail,
To understand-
Some where- More hard-work,
And -many sacrifice are made
To attain the place,
Where my heart desires!
The way I’m feeling…
Fear of failure…
Afraid of losing face….
Coming down in heaps…
Or, just insecurity
I know the going is not bad…
Not that it’s all I’ve had
My heart and mind are
Across regions
Beyond reasoning…
Far from sanity..
A question -
Do you from me
Expect to excel in all
Things ventured…
Win over hurdles in all
Problems faced….
Then there’s news…
I mite have failed
May not be the smartest of lot
Also, not the worst shot…
I try to exemplify,
For huge success I try.
Can conquer- I hope.
With hard-work I cope!
Sometimes I fail,
To understand-
Some where- More hard-work,
And -many sacrifice are made
To attain the place,
Where my heart desires!
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Hopeless...,
It’s been very long since I blogged.
Whenever I think about writing a blog the fist line that comes to my mind is this.
Today there is no specific reason for me writing this, yes, except the fact that I’m feeling very sleepy and have loads of uninteresting stuff to code. With a cup of warm tea in front of me and no apparent idea in mind, I’m just typing this.
What shall I say? About which I actually want to write. No clue! No spark of idea. No flash of lightening. No! Today is just not a blog day. I couldn’t bring myself to think of any damn thing to write about.
Ok fine, let me stop, right here, my attempt to bring out something sensible (?!?) and get back to work. Also, my tea mug is empty.
When I started this blog all I had was my nap-time drowsiness to dampen my coding-prowess. Now, adding to that I have a bad feeling of giving a stupid blog.
Yours truly,
Whenever I think about writing a blog the fist line that comes to my mind is this.
Today there is no specific reason for me writing this, yes, except the fact that I’m feeling very sleepy and have loads of uninteresting stuff to code. With a cup of warm tea in front of me and no apparent idea in mind, I’m just typing this.
What shall I say? About which I actually want to write. No clue! No spark of idea. No flash of lightening. No! Today is just not a blog day. I couldn’t bring myself to think of any damn thing to write about.
Ok fine, let me stop, right here, my attempt to bring out something sensible (?!?) and get back to work. Also, my tea mug is empty.
When I started this blog all I had was my nap-time drowsiness to dampen my coding-prowess. Now, adding to that I have a bad feeling of giving a stupid blog.
Yours truly,
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Celebration of Life
Have wondered,
Why is there sadness when the world wants happiness?
Why is there fighting when peace is holy?
Why is there evilness when all was intended to be good?
Why is there failure when what we need is success?
Once,
I sowed a seed;
It gave fruits in need.
In rain it danced,
High and wide it fanned.
In twinkle light it glowed,
Beautiful branches in air flowed.
Soon fate played a part-and made us part
My toil was brought down with axes huge,
Now where will I take refuge?
Even the heavens cried
But I could only sigh!
Next day dawned bright
Amidst the ruins was a new life.
I realized,
Every storm causes a blow,
-to inform a new start comes a rainbow.
-For every night there is a day,
-to lighten up the darkness, comes a ray.
Life involves love and hatred,
Acceptance and rejection - one comes
To educate us about another
I need to-
In all that divide-
Celebrate the gift- life!
Why is there sadness when the world wants happiness?
Why is there fighting when peace is holy?
Why is there evilness when all was intended to be good?
Why is there failure when what we need is success?
Once,
I sowed a seed;
It gave fruits in need.
In rain it danced,
High and wide it fanned.
In twinkle light it glowed,
Beautiful branches in air flowed.
Soon fate played a part-and made us part
My toil was brought down with axes huge,
Now where will I take refuge?
Even the heavens cried
But I could only sigh!
Next day dawned bright
Amidst the ruins was a new life.
I realized,
Every storm causes a blow,
-to inform a new start comes a rainbow.
-For every night there is a day,
-to lighten up the darkness, comes a ray.
Life involves love and hatred,
Acceptance and rejection - one comes
To educate us about another
I need to-
In all that divide-
Celebrate the gift- life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)